Hello I am a baal teshuvah happily married man for 2 years with no kids, and many addictions. B"H I was never addicted to or ever tried drugs.  But I am addicted to going online, and looking at porn it has been a long 5 days. But B"h my wife is still with me through this difficult week I know it will get harder. I am ashamed for what I did, but I know that it will only get better over time if I can stick to it. Right now I have very limited internet access. I can only check my e-mail and this site which is killing me no more facebook for now, or maybe ever. I originally did this stuff when I was alone and out of work, I would attend regular shiurim at night Now I am seeing a therapist, and trying to rebuild our marriage. I was really scared she was going to leave me. And I still am scared she will. I am angry at my father for showing me how to find porn online at the age of 14, and thinking that its ok. I hope that there will be light at the end of my tunnel

Welcome to our Kehilla;

Here is the official welcome from GYE.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

ilovemywife wrote on 03 Aug 2011 17:55:

there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to see it. See you came to the right place.  KOT^tm they say here.

ilovemywife wrote on 03 Aug 2011 17:55:

Im also a baal teshuva but holy moly, ur father introduced you to porn? Sorry for the language but that sucks! Its already hard as is to stay away from it, and he went ahead and showed you it? I must beleive that Hashem has a big refuah for you if thats the "sickness" he gave you. And about the light at the end of the tunnel, ull see it. And ull also see it becoming darker in the middle of the tunnel and thats when you'll know that ur moving along in the tunnel. Secondly and most interestingly, ull be able to feel how close ur getting to the end at certian points. Im starting to see the light and im way at the very beggining. Hashem so to speak gives us inspiration to move forward and we are able to receive tips and tricks along the way. To say the truth, its an adventure, but the end is rewarding, i know it. Welcome aboard the ship, and remember, we're all together here, so ur not alone so sit back, relax and enjoy the cruise

צדיק אתה

Father shmather. You have it.

And now you are taking responsible steps! You are a real man and growing more real every day. In the end you will do a better job in this area than your father did, bezras Hashem.

Alei v'hatzlach sweet friend!! You are the brightest point of my day so far habibi!

dov wrote on 04 Aug 2011 01:06:

i agree

Thanks for the strong words everyone.

Most of us found porn without our father's help, so chances are you would have too.
Welcome here and Hatzlacha.

Hey Chabibi,

I wrote a post to you on your thread about the wife. It seems that you answered the question already in your first post on this thread.

Any thoughts?

Good Shabbos!!