Eye.nonymous wrote on 22 Aug 2011 19:18:

Elya
you touched on a topic I was trying to get someone to comment on overhere http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4332.0
I think you are saying that it is our lack of ability to properly cope with life's pressures that make us search for a quick fix solution in a way of acting out. And so when we let our eyes wonder, that's just symptomatic of the underlying problem: we don't know how to react.
So my Q is: can you only learn proper coping through therapy? can you master it on your own (BE"H)? does it come b'derech memeilo after finishing step#? ?
If you can post a little something on the thread above?

I think it depends on where you're holding in life, in your personal growth.
Personally, I've been through therapy at various stages in my life, and all of it was helpful (though none of the therapists picked up on my addiction).
But despite being in a good place emotionally and even spiritually (as much as addiction didn't interfere), the addiction continued to grow.  I don't think it was because something was missing in my life.  I think it was just an addiction that wasn't going away until I addressed it with measures that work for addiction.  Like a bee that flew in through the window.  The window might now be closed, but I still have the bee.

On the other hand, if you have issues that lend toward addiction (whatever those may be), and you don't have a handle on them, then they will probably make recovery more difficult, though probably not impossible.

Just my thoughts.
Alex

alexeliezer wrote on 23 Aug 2011 15:16:


Figured I'll let you know - I like your thoughts 

heuni memass wrote on 23 Aug 2011 15:23:

yep!

my experience was very similar, therapist did excellent job in healing anxiety, depression, low self esteem, anger bursts, perfectionisms, but addiction pulled me back down, again & again, until 18 days ago when i started working the gye handbook & attitude, & hoooo! that forum here really kept me intact, its as if i am sitting oiven oon in the shul & i don't want to loose my place, or i don't want to come in the shul with a messy suit.

JackInShteeble wrote on 23 Aug 2011 18:32:


Now that I think about it, the addiction did affect my personality.  Specifically, I was less sensitive to the feelings of others while in active addiction.  And certainly less sensitive to life's more subtle pleasures.  It's really good to be well !

Thank you for all your comments.

Am reaching another week clean and learning not to look.

Alex, I really feel comforted by your words, they help me and give me chizuk. your practical suggestions are really helpful and im going to impplement. bli neder.

Eye, I will pay attention to feelings and motives (usually are pretty straight forward if you know what I mean) before (hopefully wont have to as there wont be a next time!)

I also have had a hard time on Motz'ei Shabbos.  Perhaps part of the problem is that, after a lengthy Shabbos nap,  you have difficulty falling asleep (?). 

There were countless times I did not want to go to friends' homes or go out at all becasue I said I was "too tired" or "too busy" or "did not have the time," only to then spend HOURS on the internet, later into the night than I would have ever stayed out!

In retrospect, i should have gone out with friends, I should have called someone and gotten involved in a conversation or an activity, or made plans, or just had a good time with friends.

Try that next motz'ei shabbos, connect with someone.  Go to your local kosher pizza place and just have a slice or two, say hello to real people, INTERACT!  It may make a big difference.

Can't hurt to try!

I also sometimes think that if my computer were on a timer, so that, especially motzei Shabbos, it just would not turn on, maybe that would help.  Get a box, drill two holes in it.  Put a timer on an extension cord and put it in the box (run the  cord through the first hole).  Put the computer cord through the other hole and knot it so you cannot pull it out.  Set the timer so your computer only works from, say, 7:00 am until 10:00 pm.  Then close the box, lock it and give the key to someone you trust, telling them it is only for emergencies.  (You never know,  in a real emergency (earthquake, terorrist attack etc (chas v'shalom!) you may really NEED the internet to communicate with friends and/or family).

Here is another idea: you probably have software that erases your tracks...remove it!  As much as I have gone to places on my home computer that I am not proud of, I have never done it on my work computer, even the one I take home because...SOMEONE may see where I have been. 

Don't feel bad that your Yiras Shamayim is not strong enough to stop you. It doesn’t mean you don’t  have any. When Rav Yochanan Ben Zakai blessed his students before he died he said, "May your fear of heaven be equal to your fear of man".  (The TaPhSiC Method) Use your fear of man to help you in your battles!

Chatzlachah rabbah!

Creative eitzos, Longbeach!
Some filters (incl. AT&T) have settable time lockouts, and also timers, so the internet locks if it's used for longer than the set time.

I also find the time block feature useful. K9 has one. Mine is set to only be on during office hours, so I don't have any more "paperework" to do for hours after closing.

Thanks all for the tips. really helpful and practical. I have a timer on the comp so its a good idea. I really like the diea of going out or seeing someone motzei shabbos. will report back.

Had a fall out of nowhere but didnt relapse again so am now 9 days clean.

All the best

great to hear. KOT my friend.

thanks for checking in. do it again soon, buddy.

I didn't reed the whole thing but to the first question. I did 60 days then 80 then 126. Always the comeback is crazy hard because we feel we anyway have to start again. So we really have to get right back in to it and make calls and go more to meetings in the bigining. That's what works for me , hoom including writing on this site lol.

Reb Jew,
Welcome back!
Glad you got right back up.  It's the only sane thing to do.
Never let your guard down.  Never become complacent.  The Y"H NEVER quits, so get used to it.
Alex