...I have a real problem. I hate the sound of saying "Im addicted" but the fact is, I can't control myself when it comes to looking at pornography.

I am a yungerman with a loving wife and a beautiful 17 month old daughter. I will be teaching in an elementary grade this coming year. I am enrolled in an excellent  college working on my Master's degree. I have everything to lose by continuing on this path that I have been on for 12 years ago. Wow, I've never spelled that out before, that's a long, long time. Before I got married I thought marriage would save me, but as I have experienced, it did no such thing. I continued to set deadlines as to when I would stop looking at porn, and I continued to fail those deadlines. I told myself I would stop when I get married. Didn't happen. When my daughter would be born. Didn't happen. On my 25th birthday. Didn't happen.

The final straw when I realized that I am fighting something much bigger than myself, and I really need to seek help, was a few hours ago when I found myself thinking about SIGNING UP for a subscription to a porn site. I wanted to sign up and pay so that I could see more pictures and videos of a specific "thing". For the first time in my life, I felt like I was really cheating on my wife, and that thought was too much to bear. I realized I need to get real help, so I spent the last 3 hours going through this site. I also realized I need to join a community of fellow frum yidden going through the same problem, so here I am. I look forward to the inspiration and support from you guys.

Dear Atthe (Do you have a first name? ),

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

Welcome atthebegining to our community. We llok forward as having you a member in our kehilla. Go through the officail welcome, read the handbook and don't stop posting.

Many people here were much worse then you and were able to recpver here. So, seeing their success will help you realize that you can and will get better with help of GYE.

hey i just read 60+ pages of the 'White Book' it will help give you a clearer perspective of yourself.

you will never stop, because you do not have control of yourself.

"get control..... get GYE"
No but seriosly, here is a mashal. (true story)
Toyota Prius was known for it's gas economy and styligh/possibly ugly design. Together with Toyotas reputation for safty and excelence it was trusted and respective to be both safe and eco-freindly.    however it was later reveiled that this 'gem' of a 'vehicle' had one minor flaw.  the gas pedal could get stuck. In light of all the above it realy isn't so bad, however for those driving on the freeway, you had better daven REALY HARD that there is no traffic jam loomig ahead!      and for thos backing up, you had better DAVEN HARD that there is no-one int he 3 flight stairwell you are driving down.

Honestly the severity of the 'glitch' depends on the speed you are traveling. under 3mph you can simply walk in front of your car, and push it to a complete stop. And at 25mph just keep driving in circles, granted you get no-where but an empty tank of gas (is it still $4 a gallon by you?).      But occasionaly life demands alittle dmor e momentum, and when you are cruising 'with the flow of traffic' on the Garden State pArkway (75-85mph), don't forget that you can't stop, you can't keep driving that fast forever!

the nimshal is you, you have momentum. However if you occasionally loose the ability to even slow down, than you have no choice but to crash, again you are not incontroll. granted there are times it isn't SO BAD, however when you 'go on the freeway' such inerta makes bigger problems, bigger falls, and bigger crashes.

It may only be a small problem, but when your gas pedal gets stuck, that itself is the issue.

Would you drive a prius after the recall?    So why do you allow yourself to do the same?

Welcome fellow struggler,

Your story is the story of so many of us.  Aren't I too grown up for this stuff now?  But we kept looking.  That's addiction.  It doesn't make sense and it can't be battled with logic.  And sheer willpower eventually succumbs.  That's why we have proven paths to recovery.  They work.  Just plug yourself in.

You're in the right place now.  It will be different this time.  But watch out!  The YH isn't going to like it one bit...

To your beginning,
Alex

Just finished reading AND INTERNALIZING the first 6 principles of the GYE attitude. WOW. Thank you to all those who spent so much time putting this stuff together.

I have to echo what many people have already said about accepting that one is addicted. I have NEVER in my life felt such a sense of freedom. I feel like a free bird. I feel like I am less on the ground and more in the air (no I am not on any drugs...)

I decided I would get a friend on board because I didn't want to reveal to my wife at this point that I am addicted (although I wonder if she know's anyway...). I told him that I finally realize I am not in control and that I have started my road to recovery. Even though it was embarrassing to tell him about my problem, I felt such a sense of pride that I was manning up and taking care of the problem.

hi and welcome! your on the right path! read the handbook 100 times! and this that you told a freind i have to give you a big standing O !! thats amazing something which i don't think i can ever do , you are surly a choshiva neshuma.




thats what happens the addiction/YH always get you to the next thing and eventually will have you go all the way down. Chazel say 'one who gazes at women will at the end come so a severe sin" how true are the words of chazel!
keep it up and you can go all the way!!!!

Welcome to the site.

I am sure you realized that had you signed up there is no satisfaction and happiness. Eventually just subscriptions would not be enough and you would need some more extreme means of satisfying your lust.

You think signing up for sites is cheating? Then there is chatting online? Ultimately ultimately and thank Hashem you caught youself before that you hit rock bottom!

Get up and dont fall down. And if you slip do not fall. The YH puts in your head that once you slip it is ok to fall down further before attempting to get back up

ninety

ninetydays wrote on 26 Jul 2011 14:48:


That is sooooo true. In all my years with the struggle the YH got me on that time and again. "Since you acted out today, may as well do it again tonight" 

herr ois!

there is a fantastic yetzer hara called the "anyway" yh

man hit him between the eyes

davka

davkah when you fall
and you feel horrible

you say

i dont want this shtinkachtz anymore

keeep on trucking!!!

אם לא עכשיו ...אימתי

Checking in here at day 14...

I have never felt better in my life. Never. I am working my way through the handbook and the most effective thought that I use over and over is that "I don't want to live in fantasy" That's all it is. One big fantasy.

As my streak starts to build up and gain momentum I realize the importance of  taking it one day at a time. If I start to think of how I will make this last forever I am doomed to fail. Instead I am taking it one day at a time.

All of you know the feeling of finally breaking free but I just had to share it with someone because I am literally bouncing throughout the day. I have this new energy and I feel like a million dollars.

The other day I saw an inappropriate picture in a magazine I was browsing through. I looked at the picture and my mind started racing... then i said to myself "do you want to live in reality or fantasy" and that did it.  i flipped the page and moved on without thinking about it again. I felt like a body builder lifting 500 pounds.

The main thing is for me to keep posting and stay "in the loop" so that I keep getting and hopefully giving chizuk.

Thanks GYE and thanks to this whole community for the awesome work you guys are doing. 

just keep on trucking

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!