I recently entered a rocky period in my marriage, and despite marital therapy and interventions by well-intended friends and Rabbis, it looks like we are now headed towards divorce.

One unfortunate consequence of our lack of marital intimacy and the intense anger and fear that envelope me at times is that I find myself once again falling into old habits of exploring porn online.

I would be grateful to get some advice from anyone who has faced a similar situation on how to best overcome this challenge. I worked hard in years past to wrestle control over these demons and I am saddended to see them reasserting control.

Thanks kindly,

GoSlow

I am not the one to advise you about your marriage issues, but you definitely need a good internet filter.

try to find some clean interests or hobbies to distract yourself. Reading and posting on GYE is not a bad way to while away the time...

Hang in there and Keep On Trucking^TM

Gevura!

Hey your'e not alone. read through 'GYE in a Nutshell' and seek the neccesary help.

If you took to the SA 12-step program, and your wife was in touch with the women's support network, it might help change things.

Obviously it take alot of work from YOU, but we are here for you!

SOrry to hear what your going through. However, unfortunately this is a common consequence for our actions. You are not alone and meny people learned how to change and turn around their life. But you need to be ready to take action steps. WHy am i saying you maybe it's her? well, the only thing you can do is fix your side of the street.

Do you go to live SA? if this is important as you said - I would definitely start immediately. In SA you will find lots of people that dealt with issues you are going through.

Read "garden of peace" I am not a advocate of books to fix a marriage. But in this case you seem like you need something to grab on too. Its can help you open your mind to some ideas. It really shocked me when i realized some common scene stuff he mentions and to me i couldn't do. 

feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

This may not be relevant in your case. However I just read this on Lazer beams and figures I will share.

Taking the Marital Initiative

My beloved teacher and spiritual guide Rav Shalom Arush, may Hashem bless him, says that the only way to rebuild our national Holy Temple is if each one of us first builds his personal Holy Temple - that is shalom bayit, or marital peace.

Hashem flashed an interesting thought in my brain: The Zohar says that one's spouse is like The other half of the same soul. So, since our spouse is the other half, let him or her be represented by the letter "T". We are represented by the first-person singular pronoun, in other words, the letter "I". In order for us to maintain and cultivate marital peace, the "I" must take the initiative, in other words, make the first move. He or she must should never say, "Let the other side be OK, and then I'll be OK." So, in "marital peace", the I must come before the T.

Yet, we often hear warring couple entrenched in their positions, with neither side making a move to bring peace in the home. One partner says, "let the other side change his/her ways, and then I'll follow suit." That only leads to more hostilities and more unhappiness. So if they take the word marital, and misplace the I and the T - putting the responsibility on the "T" - the other side - rather than on the "I", the result is disastrous. Marital becomes Martial, and that's bad news.

Let's each take the iniative to build our own personal Holy Temple, and thereby hastening the full redemption of our people and the rebuilding of our Holy Temple, speedily and in our days, amen. Have a great Shabbat, and warmest regards from the lovely Land of Emuna.

Welcome goslow!
On the marriage side, I have found Garden of Peace hugely helpful and recommend you run out and buy it.

On the addiction side, stress is a known trigger for all types of addiction.  And divorce tops the list of stressors.  So here you are.

Fortunately, the system we use for recovery works for all situations.  You just need to feel your way through the tools and come up with what works for you.

Find healthy ways to fill the new void in your life.  You need a new focus.  A chavrusa, a sport, a new workout, a hobby.

We're here with you.
Alex

Hi Goslow -

Stinks what you are going through. From your post it did not sound like the porn was the problem in the marriage. Just now that its on the rocks and the lack of intimacy you feel you need porn to satisfy those urges.

Obviously for your marriage to work out would be the best. Divorce does not get less stressful once the get is in her hands.

Is there still any chance of you two still staying together? If will help your life in so many ways.

If the marriage is doomed and the stress is inevitable my advice is to find a hobby. Get addicted to running. Get addicted to learning.. These addictions are harder to "master" or addict oneself to but well worth it.

Hatzlacha and keep us posted.

ninety

But it is chashuv that at this point in your life you are still able to consider being shomer habris. So many people would say "look what God is doing to me, I am going to masturbate and not worry about what happens".

ninety

said it right ninety