Hello I'm 18 years old and I am new to this forum, i have been an addict on porn for 5 years and this is my first time trying to reach 90 days pure but I only lasted for 63 days i failed and first time was a dream at night and i had a dream about nasty about porn and failed because of wet dream and i was unhappy and then next couple days it was a wet dream and it was my own will this time and I got depress because i lost grip on guarding my eyes like 4 days ago of that wet dream, now I'm building myself up again. I need more chizuk and support from you all (thanks to all) please  I have a lot questions... but it would be great if anyone would chat to me about it in the forum.

Hello Happyme,

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

...and then to answer your question,

A wet dream doesn't count as a fall, it's not in our control and it's certainly nothing to feel bad about.

But, acting out willingly afterwards does constitute a fall.

I'm on day 128 or something on the chart.  I had fallen on my way to 90 days at first.  Then, I fell after 7 months clean.  Then, I fell again after another 7 months clean.  I know that I'm not ever going to acheive long-term sobriety from lust without being honest, even when it hurts to be honest.

Also, I look back after each fall.  I don't get depressed about it--I'm a lust addict, which means I'm a sick person trying to get well, not an evil person trying to be good.  I try to figure out why I fell.  What thoughts or feelings or activitied led me to fall, and how can I deal differently in the future.  Have I been using the tools of recovery to the best of my ability, or have I been weak in some respect?

And then, I just pick up and start again.  One day at a time.

And, I'm happy that, since I am trying to recover, even though I have fallen, I have far more clean days than I ever would have had if I were not trying to recover.  And I think that's something to feel happy about.

Good luck, and keep on posting.

--Eye.

welcome, the wet dream is not a fall but if you would have had the right attitude you wouldn't have given up after that, the YH of the wet dream is to make you depressed to get you to fall! if you get up and continue to plow away then you get even stronger. Read the handbook for the right attitude and that will help you when something like that happens.

Thank you very much Eye.nonymous and Helpfyi for the warm welcoming and encouragement... It's great to have you all B'H. and also I will keep replying and asking for help and fight the Yetzer hara better than before and I am much more happy now then before when depressed. b'ezrat Hashem were all going to be pure and Mashiach will come to this world faster and no one are to be left behind.

Thank you


-Happyme0

I don't think you (or, anyone else on this site 4 that matter!) appreciate the enormity of the spiritual  heroism that you are living. It seems to me pathtetic to start questioning if your efforts were enough etc. HELLO!!!! you're running 4 the olymic gold and you got stuck with only bronze for now- how sad! LOL What do you think happened to your 63 days?? Hashem 4got that you ever did them? YOU ARE A FREKIN HERO!!! I WOULD BE HONORED TO STAND UP FOR YOU!

I did wrong I failed I know but i got to keep on going and intellectual is great to overcome have awareness in everyday and a choice to good or bad everyday, we got to have da'at all of us...

Have you been reading the GYE handbook?

Nope, but I'll start right now thanks. I was just reading the other forum and reading torah.

yes read the handbook its great, also a book called ' the light of efryaim" it also very good, hazlocha!

Yes I will thank you :D

Happyme0 wrote on 18 Jul 2011 11:50:


Great!  That is definitely a good place to start.

--Eye.

A talmud who was on a great path of growth once came to Reb Noach Weinberg, zt"l, distressed. He had experienced a "horrible dream", most probably the type you experienced. He asked "If I'm growing so much, how could my mind think of these things?".

Reb Noach explained that when you're growing and you have dreams like that, it's because you're winning. Only a coward would attack someone in their sleep, that is to say your yetzer hara is so scared by your 63 days that it will try anything, even attacking you in your sleep, to try and break you.

You should be so proud of yourself that you've come so far that your yetzer hara has had to stoop so low to get you. You're winning the battle, the dream is proof. Don't give up, keep going strong!

You're an inspiration to us all. 63 days is so, so, so amazing.

63 days to me is amazing as well.

Its funny. The way I see it the Y"H got you the first time you fell after your wet dream. Its a tactic. Get you to think you fell and you will then fall. Its a little sneaky on his pary but it looks like it worked.

Be sure to put this trick in your defense arsenal if such a thing were to happen again!

And I think you are amazing! really!

ninety

Thank you "cominghome" and "ninetydays" for the encouragement makes more clear sense to me now it was that Y"H was scared. Yes the Y"H is sneaky that way, I thought i was doing well and after that fall on that dream, things went worst after that like daily problems in life and then I eventually fall on my own will after because i was unhappy how life happens to be at that time and the Y"H increased the sexual thoughts in my mind to commit the avera and gave in and now these past days I am struggling to get back up and even till now and I lost a lot of money lately and some of my items were stolen and I stopped davening and whenever I needed to pray the Tikun Klali my mind is busy doing other things during the day or at night I fall asleep. I am weak right now on the Y'H but I can't give up trying its really hard when the Y"H is strong.