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I often wonder about that. If the culture I lived in said that man on man relationships were proper and I was attracted to women. Would I feel the same way to men the same way that you feel to women?

The reason your analogy is not correct is that you know that a man and a women is a perfect union. Just because you lust for men does not mean that it is what is right even in your mind. I know the analogy to kids is incorrect but if you desired to sleep with 10 year olds; while the desire to be with them was real and you were repulsed by adults it does not mean that you do not understand that healthy relationships are between two consenting adults.

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But at the same time I am not making light of your situation. I was actually talking to my wife earlier tonight about what it must be like to live the like of a frum jew with gay tendencies. I know some go to therapy and some change but in my opinion its biological which means a life full of struggles. I read as much as 6% of men are gay and I always thought a good portion of older single men are gay as well.

I am sure you know this but Rav Aron Feldman has an article written expressely for people with your nisayon.

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Welcome.
I feel your pain.

You might want to talk to a big posek you feel you can trust.

I am sure you know that there is at least one frum site that deals with this. Also many change with therapy.

Hatzlacha