I have BH been abstinent for 1 week . It is scary to feel so alone. Can anybody choose to reach out and show a chesed by
responding.  I need a sponsor and find some chevrah that are walking the walk one day at a time.
  When I look back at the decades of wreckage I have left behind with my RID and ego insanity it scares me. My inner child
always wants to have a temper tantrum when disappointed and abandoned . There are ,I know, big triggers for me. It
just seems so crazy to have such a split personality when the Saton takes over when I , just for a moment, take back my will

  Thank you for reading and I hope HKB'H will respond thru the proper sheliach to help me in helping myself back to sanity
one hour at a time..

humbly
Tashuv Hai

Hi Tashuv!

Nice to meet you!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

hi tashuv,
your self-awareness is great. feelings of solitude and of being alone and different than other people are part of what the addiction thrives on so it's great to reach out and connect with people. we are all here for you. we all struggle with similar issues and when we can support each other and share it's better for all of us.
wishing you hatzlocha and bracha in your journey
zs

Welcome Tashuv!

The dual personality you describe is something I think many of us can relate to.  It is really a form of insanity.  Which is why, as part of the 12 steps we ask Hashem to restore us to sanity.

Would love to hear what you're doing to beat this, and how it's going.
Wishing you sweet success.
Good Shabbos,
Alex

Welcome. Stick around and you'll find many wonderful people in similar situation all looking to grow together. Have a wonderful Shabbos.

Message or post ANY time. Kvetched

hi Tashuv,
how are you?

Nuu?  just post away.  There's no right way to do this.  Anything I can do, please let me know.  Just take this one day/hour at a time. Hatzlocho and welcome.