musicman wrote on 18 May 2011 15:36:


Here's the Microsoft KB article on how to do it :)

TheJester wrote on 18 May 2011 15:50:


Wonder if I can it  8)

Hi Musicman,

I would recommend that you stop trying to deal with the symptoms, and that you start dealing with the core issues in your life.  People have addictions usually have many issues such as negative core beliefs, low self esteem, codependency, fear, resentments just to name a few.  You need to get yourself over to a therapist and to a 12 step meeting and start working.  It has been proven that nothing else works.  Us addicts have tried hundreds or thousands of times to stop to no avail.  If you put a filter on your computer, or even if you get rid of your computer you won't stop acting out; you will just find another way to act out (probably worse.) 

The secrecy that you have about the issue just complicates things and makes them much worse.  One of the major parts of recovery is being able to share your feelings freely and having the support of others. 

I know that it will be difficult to disclose to your wife, but if you go to a therapist and meetings and you have some sobriety behind you then it may be a little easier for you.  I would suggest that you disclose in a therapists office. 

It is time for you to start taking responsibility for your actions, it is time for you to grab life by the horns and not allow for your addiction to drag you through life. 

Hatzlacha Rabbah! 

Leiby wrote on 18 May 2011 18:49:


+1

The fact that my wife has access to (all of) my smartphones, my email and my web history, and knows my entire past and potential future, is almost definitely a huge part of why I am not even one tenth as bad now as I would otherwise be.

And as you have probably guessed, I could probably dual-boot my machine/s with a Linux OS, hide it in the system, and run a completely parallel existence that non-techies would never dream of finding - then encrypt it, and run the Internet off a 3G dongle...  Dealing with your issues is really the only way.

Now, I don't suggest you run and tell your wife: "I'm a pervert, and I've been doing perverted things!  Yay!".  But with regards to your perception of your wife's attitude, you would probably be surprised.  Of course, it isn't for all wives to know things - some are actually, truly fragile.  But we tend to make excuses not to deal with the real issues.  Like "I'm too technically savvy for filters to work", or "my wife would die if she knew".

The purpose of my previous post was to demonstrate that you were kidding yourself, and some filtering is actually possible (and the editor of a respected tech publication should know this).  Not to offer "the solution", since even a strong filter is not a solution.  I'm not saying that this is the case, but I'd like to open the possibility that you might be the roadblock, and not circumstances beyond your control.

I suspect that you will need to try and fail a little before you consider therapy and/or meetings

By the bye...  To what sort of music does Musicman listen?

The spousal disclosure thing is something I'm not ready for... yet. I know that it's very possible that I may be surprised by the outcome, but the alternative is too horrible for the benefits to be worth it. It's as simple as that. I haven't see any evidence that such a conversation would go well, so i really really don't want to jump into that situation just because "I might me surprised."

I play a lot of music, so I listen to a lot of music. If you'll ask me who my favorite band is, I'd tell you Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. My tastes are wide, and I'll listen to anything played by a talented musician. I play Sax, guitar, Bass guitar, drums, piano, and banjo, although less and less of each my life gets busier an busier. My dream house has a recording studio built-in :p

I still haven't told my wife.  As I was able to get on top of this without her knowing anything, I don't see any point.  There's something to be said for keeping up the chitzonius and our wive's expectations, which we strive to rise up to (striving to make tocho k'baro).  I also haven't been to any groups.  I have had helpful therapy in the past, but nothing to do with this addiction (therapists never picked up on my addiction).  So when I discovered this site, and discovered I had a diagnosis (Lust Addict) I was in a good position to start recovery.  I applied all the Steps that I could that didn't involve talking about my addiction to others.  I committed to doing whatever it would take.  If My Way failed, I would have to join a group.  This was actually a motivation not to fall.  Fortunately I was blessed with success.

As always, just sharing what worked for me.

I know you can do this.

Alex

Alex well said. I agree with you on the wife thingy and even on the steps issue as well. But again - as long as it works.

One point- make sure that if it doesn't work out as planed then you know what your plan B is. If one ends up in the mud but had a plan of action if it would happen, chances are he will get up quicker.