Dov,
I used to go to an SAA group.
I did that very regularly.
I did have a sponsor, one of the few members of the small group with any substantial sobriety.
Then he went on a month-long binge, and I couldn't get ahold of him...
That was one reason I stopped going to the group.
That, and I was tired of listening to everyone else
talk about how they slipped that week, it seemed.
The added dimension of long-time same-sex attraction
and depression and self-hatred and hopelessness around that,
and the complication of communication with other members
have not helped.
I spent $20,000 over 8 years addressing that,
and it seems that the addiction just kept undoing any gains I had made.
I am 45, I am alone, I have wasted enough of my life in addiction.
That's probably self-pity.
(which is typical of same-sex attraction affected persons - look it up).
I really would like to get into something
which could move me forward faster than
'one day at a time',
though I know that's how it's supposed to work.
I have recently started going to AA meetings,
as substance abuse has become more and more mixed in
with the sexual arousal addiction, and as addictions of their own.
Sometimes I have waves of self-hatred and hopelessness
and self-destructive thoughts.
The pot and drinking have kept those at bay,
but I'm finding it welling up more
now that I'm staying sober
(well, 24 hrs sober).
I hope that helps make things clearer.
Thanks.
Daniel.
