Long time no speak good friends :-). I was a professional musician 20 years ago, and to help settle my aching heart and brain I recently recorded songs. The song on this link is getting amazing and wonderful resonses from just about everyone, BH. (Even though it's only a demo for now)... The lyrics are full of recovery and program and yiddishkeit.. Feel free to share it! (It's copyrighted).  Here: soundcloud.com/yosef-mendel/1-1        Here are the lyrics: 
Life love and truth

I want life, I want love, blessings from above, in such a way that I can see them with my eyes,

I want love and I want truth, and I can find that here with you, I don't need to be the one who cries.

If I'm gonna help my fellow man, I'm gonna do the best I can, I'm gonna help myself, so I'll have just what to give.

I'm gonna reach out for my soul, my friends will help me through it all, & I know together we can learn to live.

Hey stop, take a look around, at all the things you're seeing

U got 2 get all around, jump into life with all of your being

I know what u been through, the hell that u have tasted

U gonna reach up above, elevate ur life, you'll never waste it.. Yeah

Don't stop what u been doin I know u'll find ur way

You've got G-d on ur side, angels up above and heaven lighting up the way

We can ride with the One Divine, no superstition or 4 leaf clover,

With the fire deep in side that we're not gonna hide, and with the power of love bowl the whole world over.

(Chorus..)

Now's the time to reach up above, close my eyes (in Shema) & find true love,

Let it all out, the deep inner shout, to un-chain my brain that's what I'm talikin about

I'm constantly trying to illuminate, bound up above, this is our fate..

To bring it down here below, so we can make it glow, and everybody will know the one who is running the show (Hashem),

Believe this rhyme, right on time, so sublime: above space above time. Bigger, better than anything you've ever dreamed about: shouted, pouted, walked, talked,pumped, jumped, cried, lied and screamed about. (That's a lot, right? :-))

It's everything and we can sing 'cause we can bring perfection, cleanin' up messes and makin' that correction, just  gotta make your connection..

And we can finally fix this world: for every boy and girl,..

(Chorus)

HAPPY ZOS CHANUKA!

Beautiful!!!

You need to remove the . at the end of the link or it won't work.

Gevura!

Lyrics to song #2:  I believe

Every day I try my best 2 do what's right,

even when I lay my head to sleep at night.

All the places that my mind goes while I'm dreamin'

there are sometimes that I cannot describe the way that I am feeling

But one thing that I know for sure and u can bet..  I'm the one believin.

There are sometimes that I might slip and let my body take control

It only covers up on all the glory of my soul

Who's waiting so impatiently for me to let her shine so bright

Just to illuminate my bones and to bring brightness to the darkest night.

She's part of somethin' higher than I'm reachin' and I'm the one believin'..

That every single step we take is guided from above, to help us actualize a true blessing for true love

To see the good that's in the world latent deep inside...    If we really try

'Cause I know we believe it

That something inspirational is here

To reach for and to shine it's light: to hold so tight so dear

And never let it go to keep the fire burning bright.

To reach up straight to heaven with all my heart and soul and might

And even though it's dark I know we still can see it.. And I know we believe it...

Yeah...


The scream that comes from deep inside too deep to make a sound,

Inside the awe unspoken, in the wonder all around

Standing next to you in silence simply just alive

Striving higher in our wisdom on each other's side.

With a faith as strong a s steel you know I mean it, and I'm the one believing..

That even if the world's on fire now, that I will stay in line,

With an everlasting majesty not limited by time.

The good inside you rooted in a place beyond the skies,

Don't need no proof that it's true, i see it shining in your eyes..

'Cause I know we believe it...      :-)

beautiful words and beautiful sounds!
thanks for sharing those

Serene, I know there are like 13 pages of posts (most of which are created by you..... Just kidding...sorry.) but after reading your very first post on this thread, I was proud to be a part of the am hanivchar, the chosen nation. May Hashem bless you with a serene smile that exudes peace and purpose from within your very essence. Thank you from the bottom of my bottomless heart.....(I'm not sure where that came from, but it sounds good, no?  I'm so full proud of myself. Ha! )

If ur feeling proud 2 b a yid, then it was worth every page just to get that result!.. Now please share that pride, in a pleasant manner, with the world! (Not sure if u heard the songs 3 posts back :-) )

Wow; Ps. That yid mentioned in my 1st post came for his 1st friday night Shabbos meal EVER 2 weeks ago.. He's 66 yrs old! He was ELATED the entire time!(Let's see here.. Spending hours and hours wondering why 'I', me me me, can't get close to Hashem the way I learned in yeshiva.. Or , actually SHARING my imperfect judaism with others who really appreciate it..  Hmmmm ????  Tough question) DUH!!!

Nicely done. Kudos and kol hakavod to you!! I hate the yetzer hara for repeatedly saying we can't do something. It's always the things I don't spend too much time thinking about that get done and are successful. Arghhhh!

Very 1st thing Moshe did as an adult (va'yigdal), notwithstanding that his whole shevet(an entire community!) was in Torah comfort(!), was risk his life to help the ONLY family of the entire jewish people (who were not part of his 'circle of friends') involved in a low, grub, matzav.... This is a lesson in TORAS EMES

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. Following her husband’s checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office to speak with her privately. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely deteriorate and die."“Each morning," instructed the doctor, "fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Have the dinner waiting for him on the table, hot, as he arrives home from work. Don't burden him with chores.  Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. No nagging is allowed.  You must also compliment him at least five-six times a day, telling him how brilliant and talented he is. And most importantly, never disagree with him.”"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year," the doctor said, "I think your husband will regain his health completely."On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?""He said you're going to die," she replied. 

Didn't read any posts for three days now. Not right now, either. It's the liberation I need right now to focus on taking a step back and letting go of some stuff, coming home for a while to rest.

Just to be polite to my sweet friends here, this is to report that b"H all is well but I am taking a break from the forum for a while to focus on my own recovery. I will be checking email for PMs, though. The forum is just too much time for me to handle time-wise, right now. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months...no way to know, cuz it really is one day at a time. Love you!

Till then,

Dov

Never ceases to amaze me how real ch 27 in Tanya is for our daily struggle

Or the end of ch. 28, where he says to daven for machshovois zorois to be taken away...

Yes..

"Raba 'shechted' R. Ziera". The malach ha'maves couldn't get Raba because of all his kedusha and he could violently kill another yid????  AND ask to do it again next year!?!?!

'zier' means small. Shecting means to 'pull'(gemara chulin). They drank 2gether and Raba (big!) 'shechted'-'pulled' R. Ziera (small) to such a high medrega that his neshoma left him (like nadav v'avihu who were also drunk when they died and were holier than both Moshe and Aharon)! Raba blew him away w/ruchnius! So no problem asking next year 2 do it again! and he did nothing 'wrong'! :-D