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Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 00:09 #360048

  • zedj
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Hi grant,

I agree with your point that your making.


However,
I probably would not have called anybody if noone messaged me and encouraged me to call.
Yes, it was maybe abit pushy but it was a necessary push..
This is my experience

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 00:25 #360049

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Zedj wrote on 29 Dec 2020 00:09:
Hi grant,

I agree with your point that your making.


However,
I probably would not have called anybody if noone messaged me and encouraged me to call.
Yes, it was maybe abit pushy but it was a necessary push..
This is my experience

To all those seeing this....I don't regret that call one bit. If only I had reached out to someone sooner or called someone sooner....

I'm not dating yet but I hear alot "your never ready to date" or "your never ready to get married"
In this case, in my view..you will never be ready call...but once you do, it's a game changer!
What do you guys think?

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 00:31 #360050

  • i-man
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Spot on Grant 

I did not have that but if I did I would no way have accepted , I first spoke to someone via the chats and email for a while , eventually he encouraged me to call , at that point in t was clear to me that he was safe and wanted to help me , it was still difficult to make that call but I did and it paid big dividends BH including a treasured relationship to an Adam gadol.
plus I probably would never have had the courage to call Dov which was life changing 
Last Edit: 29 Dec 2020 00:36 by i-man.

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 04:19 #360066

  • Markz
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Grant400 wrote on 28 Dec 2020 22:08:

I just want to share a feeling I've been having lately.

Recently there's been a movement on the forum to suggest that a newcomer should immediately start calling people. Many people are writing, that the only real way to kick this habit long-term, is by actually picking up the phone and opening up to somebody. It is a suggestion at the tip of many tongues (fingertips?).

Whether that's true or not, I feel it may be detrimental to suggest that to a beginner. Initially when starting to post, we were all slightly hesitant, and weren't sure if what we were doing was the smartest move (at least I was). Eventually after receiving warm welcomes, and starting to grow utilizing this site, we realized that GYE is a safe place and the proper answer.

In my experience, when I joined, were everyone to immediately suggest that without calling someone, there is no chance of true recovery, I would have just left the site. If whenever I posted about a difficult moment, the response would have been call, call, call,  I wouldn't have thought myself ever capable of exposing myself like that, and would have given up. Until a person hangs around for a while, learns the many things GYE has to offer, and creates relationships, imagining opening up to a live person is unfathomable.

I think that maybe when a person initially joins this site, we should first welcome them, share with them the knowledge we have, and eventually, at a later date, if they need a little bit more help, it can be explained to them how speaking to an experienced member, (or actually even meeting face-to-face) can be extremely beneficial.

Just a thought.

                                 Grant


I hope this doesn’t collect votes and start looking like the sad state of Israel with a 4th election in 2 years coming your way!

I disagree. 

See the part you wrote that I highlighted. That’s a lot further than what people usually write even to gray haired old timers. So I’m not sure where you take it from. Granted it’s very pushy...

In general members don’t post at all. 
Of those that do, most post once or twice and that’s it. This is a fact. You may not realize it. Therefore I don’t agree not to put in a plug for connecting with others if it can be done in a positive or fun loving way. “General”ly it should be presented in a way of “what works for me”. 

But definitely the General should hide his baton when he puts out his welcome mat!
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Last Edit: 29 Dec 2020 04:25 by Markz.

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 04:35 #360067

  • wilnevergiveup
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Markz wrote on 29 Dec 2020 04:19:

Grant400 wrote on 28 Dec 2020 22:08:

I just want to share a feeling I've been having lately.

Recently there's been a movement on the forum to suggest that a newcomer should immediately start calling people. Many people are writing, that the only real way to kick this habit long-term, is by actually picking up the phone and opening up to somebody. It is a suggestion at the tip of many tongues (fingertips?).

Whether that's true or not, I feel it may be detrimental to suggest that to a beginner. Initially when starting to post, we were all slightly hesitant, and weren't sure if what we were doing was the smartest move (at least I was). Eventually after receiving warm welcomes, and starting to grow utilizing this site, we realized that GYE is a safe place and the proper answer.

In my experience, when I joined, were everyone to immediately suggest that without calling someone, there is no chance of true recovery, I would have just left the site. If whenever I posted about a difficult moment, the response would have been call, call, call,  I wouldn't have thought myself ever capable of exposing myself like that, and would have given up. Until a person hangs around for a while, learns the many things GYE has to offer, and creates relationships, imagining opening up to a live person is unfathomable.

I think that maybe when a person initially joins this site, we should first welcome them, share with them the knowledge we have, and eventually, at a later date, if they need a little bit more help, it can be explained to them how speaking to an experienced member, (or actually even meeting face-to-face) can be extremely beneficial.

Just a thought.

                                 Grant


I hope this doesn’t collect votes and start looking like the sad state of Israel with a 4th election in 2 years coming your way!

I disagree. 

See the part you wrote that I highlighted. That’s a lot further than what people usually write even to gray haired old timers. So I’m not sure where you take it from. Granted it’s very pushy...

In general members don’t post at all. 
Of those that do, most post once or twice and that’s it. This is a fact. You may not realize it. Therefore I don’t agree not to put in a plug for connecting with others if it can be done in a positive or fun loving way. “General”ly it should be presented in a way of “what works for me”. 

But definitely the General should hide his baton when he puts out his welcome mat!

I think you missed his point, perhaps because this hasn't happened to you but I was almost chased off this site by pm's for me to make a phone call.

Yes it's true it's game changing but first off not essential for everyone, surely not in the first few days on the site and second, it is pretty scary for someone who doesn't feel all that safe here and to be told that it's the only way for it to work is pretty disheartening.

I have an issue with some other things people write to newcomers but that's another issue. 

The point here (I think) is to make newcomers welcome before bombarding them with all their issues that you are so clear about because of how well you got to know them from reading the two and a half lines that sound exactly the same as every other first post. Then you obviously tell them how big of a disaster their marriage must be because every guy who shows up here really needs to hear that in order to feel welcome. 

Just give the guys some time, if we lose some, so be it because I think we lose more the other way around.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 29 Dec 2020 15:58 #360090

  • grant400
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 29 Dec 2020 04:35:
I have an issue with some other things people write to newcomers but that's another issue. 

The point here (I think) is to make newcomers welcome before bombarding them with all their issues that you are so clear about because of how well you got to know them from reading the two and a half lines that sound exactly the same as every other first post. Then you obviously tell them how big of a disaster their marriage must be because every guy who shows up here really needs to hear that in order to feel welcome. 

Just give the guys some time, if we lose some, so be it because I think we lose more the other way around.

Maybe you can share your thoughts with everyone, as it can be beneficial. 

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 09 May 2021 21:23 #368252

  • lou
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Grant400 wrote on 28 Dec 2020 22:08:

I just want to share a feeling I've been having lately.

Recently there's been a movement on the forum to suggest that a newcomer should immediately start calling people. Many people are writing, that the only real way to kick this habit long-term, is by actually picking up the phone and opening up to somebody. It is a suggestion at the tip of many tongues (fingertips?).

Whether that's true or not, I feel it may be detrimental to suggest that to a beginner. Initially when starting to post, we were all slightly hesitant, and weren't sure if what we were doing was the smartest move (at least I was). Eventually after receiving warm welcomes, and starting to grow utilizing this site, we realized that GYE is a safe place and the proper answer.

In my experience, when I joined, were everyone to immediately suggest that without calling someone, there is no chance of true recovery, I would have just left the site. If whenever I posted about a difficult moment, the response would have been call, call, call,  I wouldn't have thought myself ever capable of exposing myself like that, and would have given up. Until a person hangs around for a while, learns the many things GYE has to offer, and creates relationships, imagining opening up to a live person is unfathomable.

I think that maybe when a person initially joins this site, we should first welcome them, share with them the knowledge we have, and eventually, at a later date, if they need a little bit more help, it can be explained to them how speaking to an experienced member, (or actually even meeting face-to-face) can be extremely beneficial.

Just a thought.

                                 Grant


Agreed
I felt a little bit like it was a bait and switch. One is encouraged to come here because it is anonymous and then once here one is told it will only work if you are not anonymous. There is a time and place for it,I am sure,but that bait and switch feeling almost made me leave right away.
Thanks

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 28 Oct 2021 15:41 #373666

  • boruch24
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Hi i am new to this website. I have been struggling for years and have a therapist who I work with now along with a very supportive wife who knows all about my struggles but I still need more support so here I am

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 28 Oct 2021 15:51 #373668

  • davidt
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Boruch24 wrote on 28 Oct 2021 15:41:
Hi i am new to this website. I have been struggling for years and have a therapist who I work with now along with a very supportive wife who knows all about my struggles but I still need more support so here I am

Welcome!
Please start a new thread and tell us more about your struggles and successes. 
Looking forward to cheering you on on this important journey...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 19 May 2022 19:51 #380946

  • wilnevergiveup
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sleepy wrote on 19 May 2022 18:20:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 29 Dec 2020 04:35:

Markz wrote on 29 Dec 2020 04:19:

Grant400 wrote on 28 Dec 2020 22:08:

I just want to share a feeling I've been having lately.

Recently there's been a movement on the forum to suggest that a newcomer should immediately start calling people. Many people are writing, that the only real way to kick this habit long-term, is by actually picking up the phone and opening up to somebody. It is a suggestion at the tip of many tongues (fingertips?).

Whether that's true or not, I feel it may be detrimental to suggest that to a beginner. Initially when starting to post, we were all slightly hesitant, and weren't sure if what we were doing was the smartest move (at least I was). Eventually after receiving warm welcomes, and starting to grow utilizing this site, we realized that GYE is a safe place and the proper answer.

In my experience, when I joined, were everyone to immediately suggest that without calling someone, there is no chance of true recovery, I would have just left the site. If whenever I posted about a difficult moment, the response would have been call, call, call,  I wouldn't have thought myself ever capable of exposing myself like that, and would have given up. Until a person hangs around for a while, learns the many things GYE has to offer, and creates relationships, imagining opening up to a live person is unfathomable.

I think that maybe when a person initially joins this site, we should first welcome them, share with them the knowledge we have, and eventually, at a later date, if they need a little bit more help, it can be explained to them how speaking to an experienced member, (or actually even meeting face-to-face) can be extremely beneficial.

Just a thought.

                                 Grant


I hope this doesn’t collect votes and start looking like the sad state of Israel with a 4th election in 2 years coming your way!

I disagree. 

See the part you wrote that I highlighted. That’s a lot further than what people usually write even to gray haired old timers. So I’m not sure where you take it from. Granted it’s very pushy...

In general members don’t post at all. 
Of those that do, most post once or twice and that’s it. This is a fact. You may not realize it. Therefore I don’t agree not to put in a plug for connecting with others if it can be done in a positive or fun loving way. “General”ly it should be presented in a way of “what works for me”. 

But definitely the General should hide his baton when he puts out his welcome mat!

I think you missed his point, perhaps because this hasn't happened to you but I was almost chased off this site by pm's for me to make a phone call.

Yes it's true it's game changing but first off not essential for everyone, surely not in the first few days on the site and second, it is pretty scary for someone who doesn't feel all that safe here and to be told that it's the only way for it to work is pretty disheartening.

I have an issue with some other things people write to newcomers but that's another issue. 

The point here (I think) is to make newcomers welcome before bombarding them with all their issues that you are so clear about because of how well you got to know them from reading the two and a half lines that sound exactly the same as every other first post. Then you obviously tell them how big of a disaster their marriage must be because every guy who shows up here really needs to hear that in order to feel welcome. 

Just give the guys some time, if we lose some, so be it because I think we lose more the other way around.

good point

But, at this point, after being here for a while, I have spoken on the phone to many guys and even met a few guys in person. It's scary at first but it's very powerful to take the step and pick up the phone.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 07 Jul 2022 01:21 #382984

  • brokensoul
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.
 "Life is good, even if it’s sometimes lonely and painful on the inside. "
                                                                         -Gevura Shebyesod

My backstory: guardyoureyes.com/forum/43-SSA-Forum/385574-SSA-as-a-young-Bochur?limit=15&start=105#410929

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 07 Jul 2022 01:22 #382985

  • brokensoul
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..
 "Life is good, even if it’s sometimes lonely and painful on the inside. "
                                                                         -Gevura Shebyesod

My backstory: guardyoureyes.com/forum/43-SSA-Forum/385574-SSA-as-a-young-Bochur?limit=15&start=105#410929

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 07 Jul 2022 01:24 #382986

  • brokensoul
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Can anyone help
 "Life is good, even if it’s sometimes lonely and painful on the inside. "
                                                                         -Gevura Shebyesod

My backstory: guardyoureyes.com/forum/43-SSA-Forum/385574-SSA-as-a-young-Bochur?limit=15&start=105#410929

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 07 Jul 2022 01:25 #382987

  • DeletedUser1224
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Welcome to gye! What can we help with?
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: Welcome Package for Newcomers 07 Jul 2022 01:42 #382990

  • Avrohom
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Welcome! We're all here to help and encourage each other in this battle. Many people begin by getting themselves familiar with the site, including reading people's threads on this forum. You'll get an idea by going through some of them of the process by which people progress. You may want to begin your own thread and start by sharing (a little bit) about yourself, your struggle or what brought you here. We are a warm, welcoming Chevra of brothers, who have all our own struggles in this area, and are working together to help each other break free and improve ourselves in this area.
Hatzlocha Rabba!
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