There is an American Rav called Rabbi Wallerstein. He runs a high school called Ohr Naava. Its an organisation to help girls who come from difficult backgrounds (abuse/dysfunctional/anti religious families) and they go there to learn about Yiddeshkiet and get guidance from him and his team.
He tells the following story which I think is very relevant to our struggles here. (you can find it on Torah anytime in writing if you prefer. Would be quicker for me to copy and paste, but writing it out helps me more.)
When he was first starting Ohr Naava, it was a place for the girls to go throughout the week. They would spend the weekends at home, then come to the school for the rest of the week. It was soon realised that this method was not effective. Each time the girls would return home, they would come back to the school with countless new problems that would take the rest of the week to iron out. And tho vicious cycle would return week in week out.
To solve this, he decided to look into buying a house for the girls where they would stay over shabbos, and be catered for by a frum jewish family. After some time looking, he finally found a house. Problem was, it was in shambles. It would need $300 000 to do up properly. He told his staff not to worry, as he was close with R' Aharon Leib Shteinman zt'l, and he would go to him for a bracha.
On eruv yom kippur, R' Wallerstein was in Eretz Yisroel, so went in to see R'Aharon Leib. He asked if R' Aharon remembered about Ohr Naava, and told him about the house. "I have to raise $300 000 for a wonderful place for the girls to live. I really want this, and so do the girls, and I think this will help us so much." R' Aharon Leib looked at him and said "You want it? Who said Hashem wants it?" R' Wallerstein was surprised. "No, no Rosh Hashivah, this isn't for me, its for the girls." Again, "Who said Hashem wants such a house?"
R' Wallerstein left dejected, but didn't give up. After a long time searching he found a man who was about to give him all the money. He and his team were ecstatic, but at the last moment, the man pulled out, instead putting his money into an investment in Manhattan. R' Wallerstein felt his lack of success was in part due to the lack of the bracha.
The next year he was in Eretz Yisroel fo yom kippur again, so he went back to R' Aharon Leib and tried again. "It got worse. The school is bigger and we need that house. The Rosh Hashiva needs to give me a bracha. I cannot send the girls back to their abusive homes." The Rosh Hashivah smiled at him and said "You'll raise the money easily. And not only the girls, but the shechinah will reside in that house."
R' Wallerstein was shocked."But last time the Rosh Hashivah refused to give me a bracha, even insinuating Hashem doesn't want this house? What changed between this year and the last?"
R' Aharon stared at him and said the most penetrating words. "Rabbi Wallerstein, last year, when you came to me, you told me you and the girls want a building for your high school. What you want in life, Hshem doesn't always give you. This year, however, you said that you need a building. If a daughter of Hashem needs something, of course he will give it to her."
On GYE we all have this struggle, and we look to break free. But do we want to not have lust urges all the time? Do we want to become closer to Hashem? Do we want to control our thoughts and become koddosh and Tahor? Or do we need it.
