DESPISING LUST WOW!! THATS A TALL ORDER
ESPECIALLY FOR BOCHRIM WHO CAN NOT HANDLE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE LUSTING IN THE FIRST PLACE

A CLASSIC "TRICK" OF THE Y"H IS TO GET ONE "TOLOOK" AND THEN HIT HIM WITH ALL THE AVEIROS HE WAS OIVER.

I THINK THAT ONE NEEDS TO TAKE A COOLER AND CALMER APPROSCH

BECAUSE YOU CAN DESPISE LUST UNTIL..UNTIL.. THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEEEL THE URGE TO LUST

ARE YOU CRAZY DO YOU THINK YOUR MIND IS GONNA TELL YOUR HEART HEY! I AM IN MIDDLE OF DESPISING YOU

BUDDY ID DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE ESPECIALLY TO OUR YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS THAT THE FEELINGS THAT THEY FEEL AND THE URGES THEY HAVE ARE 1000% NORMAL

NOW THESE "NORMAL" FEELINGS NEED TO HAVE "NORMAL" REACTIONS.

AND THAT IS HOW YOU DEVELOPE "NORMAL" BEHAVOIR PATTERNS

IF A BOCHUR TELLS HIS REBBE HE HAS A PROBLEM RIRDING THE CITY BUS BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE
AND HIS REBBE TELL HIM OMG WHAAAT DID YOU SAY YOU LITTLE DUDDING MENUVAL ETC ETC ETC

YOU CAN BET WE WILL HAVE A LITTLE BUDDING MENUVAL

BUT.. BUT.. IF THE REBBE LIKE SOMEONE MENTIONED HERE ( I HAD SUCH A REBBE) SAYS TZADDIK DON'T FEEL TOO BAD

I ALSO STRUGGLE IN THIS AREA EVERYONE DOES AND I WILL GIVE YOU "EITZOS" HOW DO CONTROL AND BALANCE

THAE BOOM! ANOTHER NORMAL PERSON JUST ENTERED SOCIETY

MY TWO KOPEKS
bardichev

Dear Rebbe B.
I agree with you fully, and appreciate your writing it.
A bachur needs to know its normal. That there is nothing wrong with him. Due to the private nature of this YH, each one thinks they are the worlds worst....

I'm talking to the big boys, who are past that.

And despising lust is not really right..., its the act of lusting, meaning going after ones ta'avahs. The lust is a normal reflex. But the lusting, that is disgusting.

Why is this important? because the first of the 3 of the 12 steps is to recognize that ones life became unmanageable. If one does not view lusting as despicable, then life is still manageable. Maybe a little wrong, but managable.

Your talmid,
kutan

I once had a rebbi that introduced me to do stream-of-consciousness free association.  I was a young teenager at the time and I thought it was great and I even recorded a couple of my self-sessions.

I listened to them years later, and with 20/20 hindsight, I realized I was fooling myself.  A lot of it had to do with fantasies, and I was fooling myself thinking I only had altruistic motives.

I suddenly realized another thing.  All this "just looking," at women on the street is another lie.  It's that degenerate western culture attitude that will hang p*rn in public museums and just call it "art."  It's supposed to be art, natural beatiful.

It's all a big lie.

If a guy is looking at a woman just to take a look at her [even if she is dressed tnius], the REAL motive, though covered up by cultural lies, is only one thing--thoughts of SE*.

I feel kinda' stupid for not realizing this before.

For me, this puts a whole other perspective on guarding my eyes on the street.  It takes the rationalizations and false motives and exposes them for what they really are.

Funny, though obvious as this is, I never really thought of it this way before.  Every time I look at a women, the motive REALLY is to think if SE*.

Other motives were easy to justify.  But this one is just obviously something I know I shouldn't be doing, and I'm really trying not to do.

Good point!

Eye.nonymous wrote on 20 Oct 2009 20:40:


thats solid.

yeah, i always thought that when the beatles sang "i wanna hold your hand" it was kinda like the lie of the 60s...maybe a girl wants to hold hands and then hold hands followed by hold hands but a guy only wants to hold hands because it will lead to something else which will, in his twisted mind, lead to something better followed by something awfully perverted.....