In response to "be-holy" in Chizuk e-mail 492, I would like to say the following....
One issue you brought up the comparison between your wife and other women. I totally understand your feelings. After several kids and my wife not wearing high heels…The best way to combat this is obviously to stop looking. There are several things that have aided me in this respect:

1. I say a short Tefila before I leave the house that Hashem should help me with Shmiras Aynayim.
2. I am lucky to need glasses so I remove them when I am walking in the street.
3. I try to keep my eyes down and when I see a female approaching, I close both eyes or at least the eye that is closest to her until she passes (provided that I am not in the gutter).  I found that I have no problem waking several steps with my eyes closed.
4. I learned in a wonderful sefer called Bakodesh Chazisicha by Rav Shaul Vidger that even if you are trying to watch your eyes,  the Samach Mem deliberately pulls your eyes to where they shouldn’t be. I therefore laugh it off and telling myself “he’s doing it again”.
5. I give myself chizuk after every time I pass a women without looking at her.
6. While I am walking in the street I am talking to quietly to hashem. It is not noticeable to others. You can understand how it is much harder to sin against hashem if you are in the middle of talking to him.  If you have problems talking to Hashem I recommend that you learn the sefer Bsdai Hayar by Rav Sholom Arush who has a sefer on Tefilo and Hisbodidus. He also has an awesome sefer called BGan Hasholom on Shalom Bayis which I recommend.
7. Regarding your feelings about your wife, one of the things I say to hashem, is to thank him for allowing me to get married and the fact that I am married to a women with so many mailos. Again the Hisbodedus sefer will help you out on what to speak about.
8. The last thing is that even if I fall I never get depressed since I know that this  constant battle against the samach mem and is one of the reasons for my existence on this world. I once learned in the Tanya that one who gets depressed because he can never eradicate his taivos is a Ball Gaveh because he thinks he is on the madraiga of a tzaddik. I also remember that my overall batting average is pretty good -----much better than it used to be.

Hashem should help you and all of us in this battle! Hashem gave us this web site as a Rocket Propelled Grenade to help us blow away the Samach Mem

Ben Moshe didn't mean "fuzzball" as in superficial. He just meant it in a "cute and lovable" way... I really like that word!!

Pintele Yid, start fresh from NOW! The past is gone, both the shteiging and the nefilos.

We know your strengths you definitely can do it!

Check out Jerusalem Addicts aka Uri's post. He's fighting tough. If he can do it, we have GOT to follow!

kutan

Ben-Moshe,
Thanks for the story, and even more, for the mareh mekomos... especially the kehilla.org site that I never was aware of before.
About Chaim's objections, I can relate to his being uncomfortable with the description of the wife. I personally have his type of relationship with my wife, basically her fault, but she discusses a lot of ruchniyus with me. She knows about my nisyonos, although not from me personally, and I really wish she knew more but am also too embarrassed to tell her openly.
She did find the GUI handbook (the attitude one) recently....

But, Chaim, a lot depends on the wife. I think that some are indeed the 'fuzzball' type and should not be involved. (Rebetzin 7Up, is this true?) I have several daughters b"H, and one is deep, one is superficial (a fuzzball), one is pure logic etc. They are little children... no issue of bechira, just their nature.

And the men's attitude towards the wife is also a cultural thing. I personally know several men from a country 'down under' who all have this macho attitude toward women, so I assume that that is the norm in those countries, and most likely the women there are ok with it.

7up:

Fictitious?