I think this site is amazing. This is exactly what the Jewish people have needed since the start of the internet. It is humbling and inspiring to see the amount of ahavat yisroel on this site!
I am a 22 year old single guy from South Africa. B’H in South Africa we have a thriving Jewish community famed for its achdut.
I have battled in the area of sexuality for years and years (I actually can’t remember not having this yatzer harah) I have always tried to fight this battle, however when I was 19 I really realized how low I had fallen and how low my self-esteem had become.
I decided that the only real solution was for me to go to Israel for a Year. “Surely in such a holy environment this test will melt away” I thought. However I was sadly mistaken.
I went to a wonderful yeshiva where I had a lot of close friends, but my issues came with me. My first 6 weeks in Israel was great but when sukkot bein hazmanin came it was over, I fell into a downward spiral. I was deeply depressed.  Eventually I plucked up the courage to speak to my Rav in yeshiva. He is a true tzudik and mench. He respected me for opening up and tried to help. However we were from completely different worlds so we could not really relate to each other. But he helped build my shattered self image.
I used to go to the kottel and cry To hashem from the depths of my soul to save me, only people who have been in similar situations know how painfull it is.

When I came back to South Africa it was bad, the problem is these days the internet is everywhere, including cell phones (yes South Africa has technology). I was going down a spiral. You have no idea how much I wanted to stop. I took my very expensive cell phone and threw it in the dustbin. But the internet was still unavoidable. I used to have bitter, bitter nights where I would cry my self to sleep. I installed a filter on my pc but it was useless, when I was in the grip of desire I would even reformat my pc to gain access. My sister (who has really been there for me) suggested that I see a very special rabbi who she thought would be able to help. It took me weeks to pluck up the courage to do this, it is a lot easier to open up to some one not in your community. His philosophy is like most other people on this site (12 steps based). He really helped my self-esteem by making me concentrate on my good traits. But the internet is unavoidable, the more fences I built, the more fences I would break.

I realized that it is up to me to fight this battle. I stumbled on the site www.sexualcontrol.com (which this site has mentioned) and it really spoke to me.

Everyone is unique therefore every one has to find there own method. For me the 12 steps just doesn’t work. I still have a very long way to go but I believe B’H I’m in the right direction. I have been in the process of forming my personal method for about a year. When a had a filter I used to mess up about once a week,  by formatting my pc taking my brothers cell phone when he was asleep etc. This year I have fallen into pornography about six times (only twice in the last six months). If I am browsing a web site and I see a link to a bad site I first listen to inspiring music, then I consciously think about what I want to do and why I want to do it and then a think about all the reasons why a shouldn’t do it, What I do next is hard to explain I connect to the very source of my conscousness, Hashem, And use my free-choice to actively choose not to act on the desire.

When I used to slip up I would tell my self that it wasn’t me and that I had a disease but that gave me a deep sense of guilt. Now when I slip up I admit that it was because I did not choose correctly, ironically this gives me a deep sense of relief.

I know I can over come pornography addiction, I do not intend to look for a wife until I am 99.9999999999% sure that it will never be an issue again, I don’t think it would be fair on my wife to get married knowing that I could slip up.

Even though the 12 steps doesn’t do it for me, I love this site! 
I will daven for all of us, whatever method we choose. At the end
Of the day we can do nothing without our loving father.
May we all unite with Hashem after our long and difficult journey!

Dear Holy Jew,

You speak from your heart. You should know that none of your tears will go waste. Hashem has saved every tear of yours and when the time is right and your vessel is complete, he will help you break free. Through this struggle, and in the process of breaking free, you will gain the greatest gift, which will make the whole thing worth it. What is that gift? The art of true closeness to Hashem and how to give him over our heart.

Indeed, so many people are given this struggle just for this. For Hashem, it is all worth it in the end. Yes, Hashem knew they would fall - and yes, he still loves them, but he is waiting for when the time is right, so that they may learn how to give over their desires to Him and gain a new dimension in their spiritual quest on this world. That is why he gave them this struggle. Hashem has infinite patience and waits sometimes many many years until the time is right for his plan to come to fruitation.

In the same way that people who are brought up non-religious are still loved by Hashem, and Hashem gives them the opportunity to do Teshuvah later on in life, when they are ready. Some people are not even given the opportunity to do Teshuvah, and they won't be held responsible for it after 120. It could be that some Jews came down to this world only to fix one small aspect, and they weren’t even given the opportunity to become religious at all. Of course, Hashem still loves them more than we can imagine, and always will. We can't understand Hashem’s ways.

I apologize but I had to remove some of the things you wrote in your post because of their controversial nature. Instead, I saved all of what you wrote by me in a "Word" file on my computer and I will try to respond to you here, as well as by e-mail. Write to me privately at eyes.guard@gmail.com if you want to debate the controversial issue you posted about. But before you do, I want to give you some homework. Please read through the following links.
1) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ1.asp
2) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ17.asp
3) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/lfln.asp
4) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ11.asp
5) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ22.asp

As far as dating, we generally believe that a person should be dating and working on themselves at the same time. There is no need to wait until you are fully healed, for who knows how long that will take? As long as you are sincere in your struggle and making progress, you can feel self-confident and start dating. Marriage can help this struggle and there is no need to stay single until you are fully healed. It’s almost like saying, I won’t take medicine for this illness until I get better. But yes, we agree you must be sincere and determined to stop. Otherwise, you are not ready for marriage yet.

You write the 12 Steps doesn't work for you, but you also write "I connect to the very source of my conscousness, Hashem". That is the "essense" of the 12-Steps. Connecting to Hashem and letting HIM fight the battle for us. It is too strong for us to fight it on our own. After all, Hashem gave us this nature. Can we fight hashem himself? Only Hashem can do it, so in the 12-Steps we learn to "Let Go and Let G-d".

Hashem is with you. Grab ahold of this site and don’t let go, join the Chizuk list, keep posting on the forum, use out all the tools on this website (see the home-page of www.guardureyes.com) and you will succeed in ways you never believed, G-d willing.

Wellcome to the greatest place in the world. By joining, you have made it even better. Because the more we are, fighting together, the stronger we are and the more we'll succeed. So on behalf of all of us THANK YOU!