To me, looks like you copied that off the back of the label on one of those air freshner cans, usually made in Nicauragua or Geulah

how is our favorite Dapper Author doing today?

remember not to think about purple possums

DAY 29

Okay GYEs, it's Erev Shabbos and I have no time for an elaborate post.

Just a Mareh Makom: There's an unbelievable piece in Maor VaShemesh this week, Parshas Mishpotim, dibbur hamaschil "ViShalachti Es Hatzirah Lifanecha". If I had time I would post a word for word translation -a synopsis can't do it justice. Worth a look for anybody who still has a YH, and wonders why Hashem doesn't just do him in once and for all, why the Milchemes HaYetzer doesn't leave after a little while. Every word a pearl, and also eitzos on Milchemes HaYetzer. Check it out!

Git Shabbos,

E

Thanks

Ess a bissel chalmirr kigel for me

Ill drink wOodford for u

Well be even

Goood shabbos
B

DAY 31

Wow, DAY 31. I'd like to write that I never thought it possible to get this far, but that would be a lie.

It seems to me that my journey has started to become 'K'mitzvas Anashim Melumadah'. That scares me, because I don't want the hisorerus to have to come in the form of a serious slip or fall.

I've definitely been to day 31 before, maybe even to day 310 -but never in this way. Never kept track of clean days one at a time with such a nifty list. Never had anyone tell me that this gives me a new status of 'Oved Hashem'. I always took the route of, well -if your clean, so what, that's the way you're supposed to be; and if you're not, then you're a filthy sheygetz. But that's the Yetzer HaRa's way of looking at things.

That's what is very different about these 31 clean days from any other clean days that I've been zocheh to (yes, now I realize that it is a zechiyyah, not to be taken for granted). Any other 31 clean days were full of fighting my mind and my eyes which -left unshackled -could go wild, but I would fight them (read: fight myself). Over here I learnt that that's not the way to fight the Yetzer Hara; as a matter of fact (even though I was aware that p*** and especially internet p*** could be addictive) I learned that it wasn't really the YH that I was fighting against, rather I was fighting myself. I learnt how to bring my struggles to the RBS"O, and how to bring the RBS"O to my struggles.

I learnt that I was an addict (somewhere between level three and level four, with a touch of level five for flavor according to this web-page http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=2507)-which means that in a certain sense I am sick, but not a sicko. Especially considering that I started with these destructive behaviors way before I had any bechirah in these areas (see this post here http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3440.msg94149#msg94149 for a synopsis ).

I got chizuk and hope from everyone here; especially those whose issues are more difficult and more complicated than my own. I am in awe looking at your fierce battles, and your perseverance despite that it may seem to the uninitiated as 'too little, too slowly'. Hashem counts seconds, minutes, hours, blood, sweat, tears -and not just days and 'winning streaks' a la Wall of Honor. Hashem counts each second of your/our battles -and he appreciates our efforts in both quality and quantity in the most exact way which we can't even comprehend!

Thanking Hashem BeRabbim, and thanking each and every one of you be'chlall and be'frat, and be'vakashah al he'asid.

Let's stick this out together,

E. ben Durdayah 

Keep up the good work.
Continue to be a source of chizuk for all of us.

[quote="ben durdayah" link=topic=3348.msg94879#msg94879 date=1296384853]
DAY 31

I don't want the hisorerus to have to come in the form of a serious slip or fall. -R' Tzadok, tzidkas hatzadik, (#21?) says to answer the famous Yediah/bechira kasha, that we must realize fully that even the aveiros were mitzvos since ultimately, even w/ my bechira it was HSHEM who brought it to me and made it happen-he made me do the aveira-however this paradox only occurs once it happened and is not the heter to perform the aveira. Nonetheless, it adds powerful dimension to this subject. He adds there that even though beng oveid demonic forces is avodah zara and therefor the mitzvah of "SEH LAAZAZEL" is lichorah assur, nonetheless its a mitzvah because HSHEM told us to do the avodah zara, and therefor its now a compulsory mitzvah, eyin sham. It is a powerful tool when necessary.

I always took the route of, well -if your clean, so what, that's the way you're supposed to be; and if you're not, then you're a filthy sheygetz. But that's the Yetzer HaRa's way of looking at things.-Remember the Arizl in shaar hagilgulim, usually quoted in intro to shaarie k'dusha, that what simple people did in Ari's dor WAS SHAKUL TO MANY MITZVOS GEDOLOS IN THE TIME OF THE TANNAIM. In our dor, every ounce of your struggle is bechinas akeidas yitchak, "ki alecha haragnu kul hayom", see sichos haran near begining (pump it up w/ some R' Nachman!). The things we know most need the most review-M' Yisharim, intro.

I learnt how to bring my struggles to the RBS"O, and how to bring the RBS"O to my struggles.[-RBSO could also refer to the ramat beit shemesh orginization]

I learnt that I was an addict-E, i too realized an interesting knaich that gye/sa offers-by using their own terms and techniques, they have provided us wackos with a way to refer to an describe otherwise nondescript parts of our struggles and symptoms, additionally this consolidates a tremendous amount of wisdom into little tools and terms, dok vitishkach, vihameivin yavin. By doing this we get additional self awareness, which in turn gets us to recovery more effectively and quicker.
([I got chizuk and hope from everyone here; especially those whose issues are more difficult and more complicated than my own.
I am in awe looking at your fierce battles, and your perseverance despite that it may seem to the uninitiated as 'too little, too slowly'. Hashem counts seconds, minutes, hours, blood, sweat, tears -and not just days and 'winning streaks' a la Wall of Honor. Hashem counts each second of your/our battles -and he appreciates our efforts in both quality and quantity in the most exact way which we can't even comprehend!
-unbelievable

Tzaddik90

Thanks for the chizzuk world, and for the gitte verter Tzaddik.

I also had a hard time dealing with the paradox between the lechatchillah verter, and the le'achar ma'aseh verter.

But it's sort of like music. Sometimes a lively tune is appropriate, and sometimes you need some dinner music. The kuntz is being your own D.J. and knowing how to put together a good mix and when to play what -and that is quite a kuntz.

E

ben Durdayah, you provide inspiration for us all.  Your update titled "Day 31" is a true inspiration to myself as I'm sure it is to others.  This post,  is a statement that I as well as others that are just starting out can look at and say: " Hey, look at what the first leg of the journey encompasses, if this is it I can do it!!"  It is truly a pleasure to stand by and watch as you help us all out while helping yourself grow.  Thank You (and I mean it, so read that out loud)!!!!

RisingUp wrote on 30 Jan 2011 21:57:
We're welcome.

(I can't read the thank you out loud -I don't want to wake up the kids!)

DAY 32 DAY 1

Did everyone here understand that?   :'(  :-[

Yesh L'Farish, that you are going onto Day 32 with the spirit of Day One! Mit Di Filen Brenn!

Ee-Boiyis Aimoh, that Yes! Even thou it is Day 32, But its "The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life!"

Tufaasti? Oi Loi Tufaasti?

Yeish LeFaresh that I fell on my nose...

Ouch! That must Hoit!

But over here in GYE its what we do after the fall that counts!

If we get up and rock on then that alone is what we call progress.

Like bards says!

Fell Shmell!

As long as you get up and go on the war is still on! (Hashem fighting for us that is. Not our own koichois)

I've heard a vort from Bards I think from Rav Geltseiler A"H that goes Mah'she'hu kazeh.

V'Huseir Soton Milfooneini U'Meiachreini!

We have 2 yetser Hora's.

One Before that tells us to do the Aveiro and the 2nd after the fact that tells us that we are Farfalen.

The 2nd one is what he really wants and that is to keep us down.

So we ask Hashem V'Hoseir Suton Milfoneinu and MeiAchreinu!

Its ok to fall if we learn from it what went wrong so that we know what to look out for.

But with a fuddem named Ki Nafalti Gam Kamti! I don't think I need to say anything at all.

Azoi gait ess.

Vus kem men tun?

At least cash in on the kirvaas Eloikim you will get from Hashem when you vain zich ois to him today!

But like Reb Dov says, we are not aloud to get to hooked up to this hug we get from Hashem because this to can be Maaseh Yetser! When we cry our Heart out to Hashem we feel great thereafter. And that can be a big no no.

The yetser says, go ahead! Vain zich ois! Feel good as to how close you feel to Hashem and then you all mine again.

What a tricky sneak!

Well I'll tell you, the timtum haleiv is pretty awful...

It was a hisgabrus not to do the abridged davening today, and I could barely say the words -but I knew that you gotta do what you gotta do.