Hello Everyone

I did not have it as tough as many of you when I grew up. Yes, I had family problems (my parents are divorced from a thirty year marriage - a bad marriage for 99% of those years) but I did not grow up with magazines in my father's room. I can remember one friend from 6th grade whose parents operated a p-rn shop in somewhere in Johannesburg. One day, I went to him and saw p-rn magazines floating around the place. I looked at them but I was young so it didn't mean much. I had another friend whose father had a vast collection of p-rn magazines. They were proper p-rn. My friend and I looked at them but at the time I was also young and did not feel an intense desire to look at them at all. Many of you Tsaddikim on the forum, had to deal with p-rn every day. Your parents had it in the house or it was so easily accessible that you had it really hard. Up until the internet came about, I was never really exposed to p-rn and I thought of it as being repulsive. I thought this week that even if people who came from difficult back grounds are climbing up the wall of honour then I really have no excuse. You guys are heroes and really I am just a loser who may be content with his addiction. (If one does not fight it, then one is content with it.) I am not sure if I can really do the wall of honour. Whenever I have tried to count to ninety days, I fall at around the 5th day or the tenth day or the 7th day etc. I am trying now to do it one day at a time at hopefully all the one days will accumulate to ninety days.


   

bs"d

behatzlacha rabba! And, please, don't say that you are a loser. It breaks my heart, and i know it is not true.

My Holy brother Ilan, if you are worried that you are content with the addiction, there's a solution to that. TAKE ACTION! The more action you take, the more determination you will have. Did you ever read/work on the Handbooks? That's a very important step in the right direction.

With love and respect,battleworn

Ilan, just read the stories on our site and realize that this is a disease which only gets worse, never better, and it ends up destroying our lives! So take action NOW when you are still on top and still unmarried. Once you are married it can destroy TWO lives, or even many more (think "kids").

Always remember, as 7Up once posted: "one day plus one day plus one day = FOREVER!"

Yes, you must digest this truth. It has been mentioned many times on this forum Just like a drug addict...in order to maintain the same "high" affect, you will need to take larger dosages. Do you know what this means?




Please remember that it is the big y"h, the menuval himself who is now using this disease to get at you? You know the y"h right? He is never content...NEVER. Not until he has finished the job. Don't be tricked for one minute and think that you will stay in this place. And just like there is no limit to how high one can rise...similiarly, there is no limit to how low one can fall.
  Try to focus on this truth, and use it as a catalyst to heal yourself...now.

Ilan-
remember: even if you don't feel the will to get better, if in your mind you would like to get better then post your journey here and people will hold your hand along the way. From the fact that you post your story it shows that you realize that you would like to be better. So keep posting!

Ilan,
Its true that the people here are pretty amazing...
climbing up the walls of a cliff so to speak.
But they did not start that way!
they started from the bottom, everyone does.

The number one theme here is that it makes no difference where you are and how you got there, the only thing that counts is where you want to go.

By posting here, you made it clear where you want to go....

Keep in touch!

kuton