dov wrote on 19 Aug 2011 16:34:


After the cholint, I don't stand much of a chance against sleep anyway

Good Shabbos!

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 19 Aug 2011 15:50:


Thanks.  I personally like either dry red or sweet white.  I don't go for the dry white.  I mostly drink the sweet stuff, cuz I'm the only one who would drink the dry (wife & kids won't touch it).  But I do enjoy a nice dry red occationally (my parents and sibs like it).

I'm not a big drinker, but I have this inexplicable desire to taste some woodford. Then again, maybe it is explicable .

gibbor120 wrote on 19 Aug 2011 17:12:


lichaim

I have acted out a lot this past week, Im not living in recovery... i dont want to live like this, but yet i cant seem to get off my toosh and do something proper about it...

why dont you want to live like this?

because i want to live a life which is busy with reality and fulfilling things rather than thin air and time killing.

i also want to continue enjoying the shmutz. i want to be able to do both. i dont seem to be ready to surrender it fully. at least that is the position right now. it goes around in circles.

Hi AHM,

the carousel you mention is worn out by the many many riders who have sat on the seats and gone up, down and around.

it's very familiar and i, for one, have ridden it more than i would like. do you want to ride it? NO.
it's just that what you really want gets clouded and distorted by the enticing image of the pleasure we think we'll have riding it.

stay connected to people, and to HKBH, and when they come selling 'crazy' to you ask for a second opinion.

with you and for you
zs

thanks zemmy

Hi

I have been running on auto pilot since I came back from vacation where I didn't really have to deal with triggers because life is much more enjoyable and I am alone much less on vacation.

Yesterday Hashem gave me a gift. He took away the addiction for almost the whole day, so I was able to actually live life, be productive and find fulfilment. It was beautiful. Trouble is, it has happened before and I always went back to it, so why should this time be different?

I found the daily dose of dov yesterday very helpful (as always), that if i feel i can afford to use lust then I will feel sorry for myself and be confused about why Hashem isn't giving me what is clearly a very nice thing. I felt exactly like that last night at a chasuna after I had been lusting.

So, my avodah is to consistently remind myself why I cant afford to use lust. Which I intend to list out here soon iy'H.

Just one nice A&W moment where we can clearly see that you never know the reason behind Hashem's plans.

We ordered a laptop online and when it arrived, it didn't work properly. We went to the shop and spent over an hour there while they tried to fix it. It was on a bank holiday (like a labor day type of day) where I had the day off and wanted to spend the day doing something nice with the kids and the time was being wasted.

I was a lot better off than a few years ago where I would have been fuming but still it was a shame it had to take so long. Eventually they told us they couldnt fix it but if we gave it back and reordered it online, it had actually gone down in price by ?50 (about $80) - a decent proportion of the sale price - for one week only !

It all became clear....!

i have had a long ride on that carousol, its a magic ring, it sounds nice with music and everybody laughing apearing happy, it wont let go of its riders until they actualy unbuckle themselves and RUN out of the ring, only then after relaxing a bit and clearing the mind, then they see in what nonsence they have been, so enjoy the ride while you are on it, שמח בחור בילדותך, but keep in mind that with EVERY SINGLE inch you carry on, on the ride, you go an inch deeper to hit bottom, so why waste all that time?
come on, just try to be clean for today only
then only for tommorow
and so on...

I know I still haven't made that list! I'm struggling to find an appropriate balance between work/GYE/learning and at the moment GYE is suffering (not recovery-just posting on GYE)...

2 A&W's that demonstrate the yad Hashem.

1) my wife and I kind of budgeted our incomings and outgoings and we were just about breaking even every month... then the landlord put the rent up a certain amount and we were worried how we would meet it... then we found out my wife's salary would go up by the exact same amount!

2) I have been starting to think about going to SA meetings. The problem is that the only meeting nearby is during the putting the kids to bed schedule and I am always very makpid to be around at that time. How could I explain to my wife (who knows about my addiction) that I have to go to meetings... I would have to not be around that night every week and I'm never not around, she would be very resentful and would probe me for why i suddenly need to go to meetings when im supposed to be a lot better... not great for shalom bayis...

Then, the kids morning schedule changed so that we would need to put them to sleep half an hour earlier... just at the time the meeting starts (not in the middle of it) and just when I was starting to think about going....

I think I am going to take the plunge...

AHM - Please keep us posted.  I have been thinking about whether I should go to meetings or not.  I would love to hear how it's going.

maybe... maybe... now that your good wife knows about it, you can explain to her, that an addiction does'nt just dissapare, it allways crawls back in, unless you permenently remove it, which is only possible thru SA meetings, and every hare and there make an innocent remark about how much you are struggling.
it might take a few weeks until she might actually push you to go.