Mighty Mouse - that sounds familiar... anyone remember Danger Mouse?

Anyway, yesterday as i was walking towards my front door, i felt a warm and fuzzy feeling inside at the prospect of seeing my little girls and my wife, i felt immensely thankful to Hashem for my wonderful family. It sure beats the feeling of guilt that i used to have as I walked in the door...

oh - and a quote from Pearl Benisch in the hamodia last shabbos really touched me. It was something like... "Keep giving and you're really living, otherwise you're just existing".

to quote the rebbe reb shlomo
"life is so holy, life is so beautiful"
you are proving it

This is a realisation of how far I've come in recovery bH.
Last night, I couldn't find the keys to the office when I came home - in the past, I would've been very anxious about it and tense, "where could they be, what if I can't them -I'll have to tell someone they'll think I'm so irresponsible, they'll have to change the locks etc...".

But last night, I just calmly told myself that there is nothing I can do about it tonight, I allowed myself to think of 5 places it might be and put it at the back of my mind. My wife noticed the difference, she was impressed. I just didn't allow myself to feel the fear I used to. Hashem's in charge - I'll be alright.

They were in the very 1st place I looked this morning bH. Thank you chevra for being here!

Have a gevaldige shabbos!

Good shabbos, Honest Mighty Mouse!

I realised something about myself recently. I have planted the new design for living deep enough that i wont let lust lead me away anymore when i supposed to be doing something or im accountable to people somehow. But, if i have some time to myself and i can get away it with it, then i go right ahead because i say to myself, its not really gonna affect anyone, it doesnt make a difference to anyone.

That means i havent trully surrendered step 1. I havent admitted that im powerless, ive just built up my self control. Thats a dangerous place. I have to remember that im totally dependant on Hashem and that even a quicky 5 mins of acting out here and there is having deadly ramifications on my ability to really live my life and connect to the people in my life.

Can someone please help me understand nostalgia.

I was going through things in my parents house, things that i can clear out and throw away. I came across a whole bunch of stuff from nearly 10 years ago when i was more modern. some cards and notes from girls i was friendly with and one i had a crush on.

Even though I have moved on and dont think about those times and those people often at all - seeing all that stuff really froze and paralysed me (emotionally). It has made me really reflective and sad and im not quite sure why...

I dont really get it.... but i can see it's not healthy for my recovery and its something i have to figure out, let go and move on, but im not sure how to go about it...

Talk to Hashem about it the next time you are in shemoneh esrei, and in detail in English, even using words like the girls' actual names, lust, whatever. Daven for them. He brought you accross those people for something, no? Maybe they need help right now?

Then see how you feel about it all and let us know. OK?

thanks for the suggestion dov! I will try it tonight bli neder and get back to you!

Hi AHM,
hope you are well!
zs

Thanks zemmy, I think Im trucking along alright bH.

Dov - I tried your idea, it was very theraputic, i think it corrected my perspective with Hashem in the centre and me just a player in the game. I've used that idea a couple of shmoineh esreys since for other things too - so thanks a lot!

Im still not doing so well with sudden changes of situation which present opportunities to act out. I guess im not surrendering to Hashem's schedule for me, these are tests that give me a chance to grow in my recovery and im not taking them at the moment. I need to step up a gear. I need to stop relying on myself at that point, let go, take a step back and call my partner!! (or someone else if he's not available)

dov wrote on 28 Mar 2011 17:07:


an honest mouse wrote on 31 Mar 2011 13:28:


I've always had a hard time getting my hands around this idea of Dovs.  I see some half naked woman on a billboard on the street, what exactly am I davening for her about.  For some reason after reading your post AHM, it hit me that I could just daven and say "RBSO the purpose of this world was that all should recognze and proclaim your sovereignty, there's a person who looks like they need some help in reaching that goal (and truth be told I could use some help too), so please grant us the ability to reach that goal.  Thanks and glad to hear you are doing well.

ur-a-jew wrote on 31 Mar 2011 17:01:



You get audible messages from Heaven??  ;D ;D

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 31 Mar 2011 20:29:


All the time, don't you?  Most of mine come:

guardureyes wrote on 31 Mar 2011 13:13:

Shabbos morning as i walked home from shul i was getting all stressed out. My wife is really complaining at the moment about not having any time outside of her work and kids. She gets grumpy and resentful when shul is gonna take longer like when there's yotsros.

It was really bugging me - I also have no spare time, i work all day, help put the kids to bed, run out to my chavrusa, then come home and clean up the flat and do all the washing up - plus i have a few other things going on which take up time and emotional energy. I was thinking, shes gonna moan coz shul took longer, cut me some slack - im busy  too!!! My RID was really building up inside me.

so when i got home, i did the exact opposite of what i was feeling  - i told her to go take 45 mins to herself. she was very appreciative and all my frustration and resentments vanished in a puff of smoke! i felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt a rush of love for her and really enjoyed playing with the kids.

It's amazing, giving is the cure!!

wow, beautiful!
thanks for sharing that