ive been thinking things through and heres what ive come up with - comments & constructive criticism tremendously encouraged!

there are 3 areas to work on 1) attitudes/perspectives - so that i dont want to look or lust - work to become a giver/selfless rather than a taker/selfish in all areas of my life
2) shemiras einayim - so that i stop looking around even casually - what i dont see i cant want!
3) lust - working on letting go of the lust and giving myself over to Hashem, in case i see stuff and am triggered.
so far, ive been mostly focusing on attitudes towards lust and working on it and i thought, once i get that, ill move on to shemiras einayim but i think that was wrong. I think one has to work on all of it at the same time so that one doesn't look around, it will then limit my triggers. Otherwise if im still looking around even habitually it is inevitable that i will get triggered. The only thing is that it seems like an awful lot of work...

Ive also realised that even though ive been more of a giver than a taker - the motivation behind it makes all the difference! Have i been giving coz ill get something in return or be liked more etc... i have to selflessly give as well, just coz i know its good for the other person period! (us - in uk we'd say full stop...)

Im thinking about getting a sponsor for weak lusty moments but im a little aprehensive, i dont really know if i need it... how do i know...(dov...)??

(sb - i know how you felt, i feel like less and less people are replying and it feels like less people are listening to me, where did everyone go, did they fly south for the winter or something... )

Please take this with lots of love and niceness: Getting a sponsor to help you with those nasty moments?! Whatever you want is fine with me of course and really none of my beeswax, but in my dictionary ("Frodo's Compendium of Dovish"), a sponsor is to help you work the steps, or whatever 'program' you want, for Recovery.

Foxhole prayers and weak moments are for anyone else who is sober to help you with, by calling them, admitting it as plainly and clearly as you are able, and letting go of it with Hashem's help so that you can get back to whatever the heck you were supposed to be doing before the stupidity. I called my sponsor plenty of times during those weak and scary moments, but please do not lock yourself into one person. Honesty and freedom from lust is just too precious a thing to be dependent on one person for.

Does that help at all?

:-* 8)

WHAT MY REBBEREBER=DOV IS SAYING IS

IN PLAIN NEWYAWKER ENGLISH

YOU CAN'T THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS

YOU GOTTA DO THINGS

THINGS THAT YOU WEREN'T DOING TILL NOW



YES WE CAN MAKE KABBALOS NEDARIM GUARDS PUNISHMENTS CRY TATTY

WHATEVER

BUT NUMERO UNO

START CHANGING THE BEHAVOIR!

DOV?? 

BARDS, THE OFFICIAL TRANSLATOR OF DOVISH

an honest mouse wrote on 31 May 2010 16:08:
Not replying does not mean that I am not reading, it means I don't know what to reply...

You know, when Guard moved my 'stuff' from the introd yrself to the woh, I started feeling really lonely. folks weren't acting so interested. fewer chizuk posts, whatever. but I kept posting (even 4-5-6 in a row without comment).  What I saw later, looking back, was that the real work I needed to do, and the work that was screaming on my posts was mine along, was work that didn't lend itself to posting.

First, Hashem came to Moshe with a lot of noise. Then with a loud voice and a fiery bush. Then etc etc until finally with He appeared in the quiet middle of a quiet bush. Because the real presence of Hashem is within the sneh and not in the big dramatic fire and noise.

Of course, after that Moshe got to lead 600K to Sinai, but that was AFTER the still, small voice of the sneh.

Just a thought. (Or, perhaps after reading this thought, you'll be even HAPPIER that folks aren't posting to add nonsense to your otherwise helpful thread??)

Reb bards (and the cute little rodent guy),

Yes, and it was actually spelled out in a much more lema'aseh way in this post:

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1446.msg67790#msg67790

Hope it helps somebody out, or in, as the case may be.

thanks everyone for replying.... i feel really terrible and like a complete idiot (no idiot emoticon...) but while you were all being nice and replying to me... i fell twice... just when i thought i was really getting it    my clean times are still getting better and better qualitatively but my falls are no better...
still cloudy tonight so gonna not be all 'i dont know how to start again tonight', ill have a good night's sleep first.

Dov - thanks, i take everything you say with love (lots of it). So, ive decided i should definately get someone to call, you say not to lock myself into 1 person, can u expand on that? How many people should i be calling, should i have different people for different types of need? how do i go about choosing people? thanks a lot... sorry to bug you with so many questions...

Bards - thanks for translating - i thought i was changing my behaviours... need to reasses when im clearer, i need a drink tonight, can we meet in the london pub for a drink?

yh - i didnt mean you! you've been replying loads and i value each and every post!

Briut - thanks for the 'Moshe idea' very insightful (as i find all your comments - certainly not nonsense!) i think i have a different need though, i find that interchanging my feelings growths/falls with people makes it real and takes me out of isolation, i feel supported when people interact, otherwise i might as well be writing stuff on a scrap piece of paper... but everyone's different, i hope you dont mind my take...

the chart wont let me choose 31st of may for my fall so i cant update it... (theres no 31st for some reason, is it jewish???) does anyone know how i can do that??

If the 31st doesn't exist so then your fall doesn't exist. Simple as that...at least in regards to moving forward.

i find the whole chart thing a little confusing as well sometimes especially when updating a fall i guess that is an added incentive not to fall  anyway i would contact the guard when he comes back and ask him.

Lets think this through together. If you would put May 30 as the date then will the first new day be June 1? that wouldn't be a problem. Except that your cumulative count will be missing a day. (& we all know the importance of a day!) But if it will start your count from May 31, then you feel as if you stole an extra day. Is that sooo terrible? After all the vast majority of minutes in that day went by clean. If you want to be extra honest to yourself you can mentally add or subtract a day.

These are just some thoughts from my (slightly warped) brain. Feel free to disregard them.

...

thanks guys for the eitsas (i liked the one about it not existing macabee!) the thing is im an honest mouse so i wanna do the right thing and make it all accurate and stuff...so i emailed yaakov shwartz (thanks yh)

anyhow, i was feeling quite depressed this morning after all the recent falls, plus college finishes in a few weeks and i dont have a job lined up for after and my night seder is ending at the end of zman with nothing arranged for after that, so nothing really to look forward to and wasn't sure how to pick myself up... but then (thank G-d!) i listened to some emotional/inspirational music, asked Hashem for help and did productive stuff ive been meaning to do for ages, little stuff like open post, go to the bank, file papers etc, but its fulfilling to do productive stuff - it gives a real sipuk. Then a felt alive again and happy, appreciated time spent playing with my kids, did the next day of 'windows to the soul' brought my wife a drink (even though she didnt ask for one) learned and revised. Man what a difference that all makes!! the real honest mouse was back!

I cant stress enough how helpful (and important) being productive and giving is - its SO fulfilling!

have a great evening!

I wish I would know the feeling  :-[

But then I would lose my bid on being the greatest procrastinator...  :-\

you'll get there yoselle, but dont worry about it today - leave it 'till tomorrow...

Just finished dinner after a long night of traveling. Very tired....

OK. Stick with the winners: When you feel you need to remember a specific message, call the guy(s) who tend to always use that tool/message. Some people really do only have one tool in their toolbox...use it to your advantage when you think you need it. Get to know who has an avodah/perspective that is all based on the prat you are weak in.

Avoid any guys who are having a very hard time getting sober and who look for excuses for their lust use. They will just rationalize you into the same stupid hell they are in. I avoid those guys, even to help them. Because I feel that they do not want to get better - they just want to feel better. That perspective would ruin me.

People tell me that they do better when they sometimes listen more than they talk. Now, I have a horrible time of that one, so I'll be quiet about that.... ;D

Basically I follow around (basically stalk) the people who I feel have what I want for myself, as well. I stay normal, but do make it my business to call them regularly (maybe once daily or every other day).

Too tired for anything more sensible....be well tzaddik.