Kol hakavod that you managed to stay off the addiction for 100 days! I am going strong now for over a week and i'm finding it really difficult. there have been so many times when i've just thought of doing it just once but somehow i manage to restrain myself. when i read your post stating that you've held out for 100 days, it gives me strength, belief and resolve to go on.
My mind has become tormented by all the images that i have seen and all the streaming videos that ive watched. When i walk the streets, especially in this weather, i feel like a caged tiger when i see all the stunning women and girls walking around. i dont know how, but recently i have been really good in controlling myself not to look.
i hope it lasts!!
Chazak ve'ematz
Menachem :D

Dear Crakerjak,

We are with you in this struggle. The first few weeks are the hardest. See here. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier. Read the tips on our site - one or two a day, join the chizuk list, join the anonymous telephone hot-line. Don't just assume you'll be able to overcome it all on your own. It is not easy, and group support is very important.

May G-d give you strength!

Hi all,

Ive been trying really hard over the last week as noted on this forum. I did have a fall over shabbos but i made a resolve to try even harder. i would love to know more on the live phone session. i live in the UK and i would really like to be able to benefit talking to other frum married men with this problem. please let me know more.....

for those fighting this daily battle "chazak ve'ematz"......we need each other in order to win...

Menachem

For more info, see here. I specially added more info to that page today, just for you!

Ask any questions you might have to yidvre@gmail.com.

Hi crakerjak,

I'm also in this battle. Don't let a downfall make you fall down. The first downfall is after a week I'm sure now you'll be able to go for longer. Last time I fell through after 5 months now I'm up to six months and I haven't done it. Remember we might lose a battle but we are going to win the war.

Hi Snax and Admin

I appreciate your words of chizzuk. You are right, after falling at the 1 week stage I do feel a whole lot better going on for longer and more confidant that I will manage better from now on. It gives me great strength to learn that there are genuine happily married men that also suffer from this but have overcome somewhat their demons and are on the way up.

Obviously this is probably the most taboo subject in heimishe circles and the most embarrassing subject to be discussed openly, however, like all addictions, there exist support groups and anonymous relate meetings etc. I think this website is a real first in this field and I hope that others who have this problem (c'mon lets be real, most frum men have this problem on some level, the question is how many like to admit it, never mind talk about it) can benefit from it.

I think the next step for me is to join the anonymous phone in so that I can share my problems with others and hopefully learn from their experiences. I genuinely feel that I’m a recovering addict who is turning to whoever understands my plight for chizzuk. To this end, the daily chizzuk email is a real boost and helps me throughout the day,

I can write and talk for ages and ages about this subject but now isn't the time. I've taken upon myself to learn a few lines of Mesilas Yeshorim every day after shacharis - this helps to set the tone a little for the day ahead.

I suppose, ultimately, I would love to talk anonymously to another frum/heimishe married man 1-2-1, build a kind of relationship with him where we could share in each others growth and chas ve'sholom in each others slip ups. I'm from the UK but wouldn't mind talking to anyone who is interested....

To all my fellow teireh yiedden, at this stage, I just want to end by a thought that I had on Shabbos. The possuk of "Acheinu kol beis yisrael, hanesunim batzoroh ubashivyah" doesn’t necessarily refer only to those unfortunate yieden in danger in Sderot and Kiryat Shmoneh etc. It’s referring to US TOO! I’ts referring to those of US 'happily married with comfortable houses and decent standards of everyday living'  who are enslaved and embittered to the terrible tzoroh of the yetzer horah who entices us daily with his snarling long reaching tentacles that cause us to be mashchis zerah.......

We beseech from Hashem, Hamkoim yerachem aleihem (US) ve'yoitze'aim me'tzarah lirvacha - Dear Hashem, have mercy on us and tear us away from this terrible tzarah, me'afaila leoirah - from this terrible daily darkness and emptiness to the wonderful light of your shechinah, umishib'ud lig'eulah  - and take us from the shackles of the empowering yetzeh horah to the freedom of serving You with a clean heart, Hashtah, ubizman koriv ve'noimar Omein!

Menachem

Menachem VERY well said!

May Hashem continue to give you (and all of us) the strength to overcome the Yetzer Hara.

Thank you for your inspiring post Menachem. I may even use your "vort" at the end in one of my chizuk e-mails :-) We will be looking forward to hearing about your progress. You have definitely begun the journey and there's no turning back. Like you said, instead of a Neffilah getting you down - use it as a goal, to beat for next time! You will see great progress. Hashem truly helps those who come to be Metaher.

Hi all,

Another day and night have passed and B''H victory again. It wasn't easy but thinking of all the chizzuk i've seen on here got me through it.

Good luck everyone and hatzlacha.....

Menachem

Way to go! BTW. When will you join the Jewish healing Group hotline?

Baruch Hashem! Another good day! I know it seems small and insignificant, but in the old days before Hashem helped me, going 24 hours without failing was unheard of!

Keep up the good work. We all need each others chizzuk!

Hi all,

Just a short post to wish all my friends a Good Shabbos. I was fortunate enought to have a phone conversation with yidvre last night who explained to me how the phone in works. Unfortunately, I would not be able to participate as it takes place usually 3am my time in the UK!

He told me that he would mention this to other recovering addicts at his next phone in on Tuesday and hopefully put me in touch 1-2-1 with other guys and we could relate, help, support each other.

Until then, what can I say? Some days i'm stronger than others.... Some hours pass by easier than others.... One thing is for sure, The Yetzer Hara is working over time during the 9 days and it takes super human resources to overcome his devious ways and tactics.

So, in this week Parsha, we say "Eicha Esah Levadi". I would like to suggest that in addition to the poshut peshat, another thought is "how can i carry this burden of guilt/addiction/sin alone?" The answer is, that we cant manage on our own. We need each other to help one another climb out of this mess and if we all stick together and help in each others problem by the various means available, we will all prevail in the mother of all battles in beating the Yetzer Hara.

Good Shabbos and may Tish'a Be'av this year be the last in exile and may we look forward to the coming of Moshiach sppedily in our days. Omain!

Menachem

You're 100% right. Together we are stronger and will be able to overcome our Yetzer Hora. I personaly have seen major improvement since I joined the this forum and hope to join the hotline this coming week.
May you and everyone out there have a good shabbos and an easy fast.

Menachem, I envy your schar in Olam Haba for showing such strength and fortitude. Keep it up, and don't let the Yetzer Hara  convince you to give up at any point!

Chazak V'Ematz! And yes, Eicha Esa L'Vadi? Impossible!

A year ago this Tisha B'Av I was in a week long treatment center for this disease.  It was during Tisha B'Av.  There were two other Jews in the group, not frum, and I decided we would all get together and read Eichah.  As I sat there reading Eichah, it was a big deal for me because I usually read it for my shul.  I have for the past 20 years.  So if I'm gone, everyone knows.  Anyway, I sat there and thought about Eichah Esah L'vadi.  I thought about how did I come to this .... to be sitting here alone reading Eichah in a place who knows where...  During the week, I reflected on this and my soul was cleansed from the tears... thinking... how did I end up here, in this place.