Dear fellow warriors:
So that we may all learn form each other's gains as well as our losses, I (for the benefit of all) wish to post an update:
When I wrote the above in this new post, I was in fact a bit concerned of: "Al Tiftach Peh L'Satan", don't start up with him so agressively. Well, in about 24 hours after my above post, he came, he gave me an upper cut to my jaw, a kick in my chest quickly followed, and I was concerned that I was going to lose everything. I have always been beaten in cheshvan, and he always starts with me after the Chagim. In spite of the blows, (no blood but plenty of bruises), I still felt some inner strength, (as a result of the chagim, this forum,and my trip to Kivrei Tzadikim.) I knew that time was of the essence. I immediately got up, a re-fortified the breaches in my walls, went out and spoke to the creator, and then I read through the many posts in this forum, (my own included). I felt my inner strength getting stronger, and I knew that I must do EVERYTHING that I can possibly do while I am still sane. I know that he will not leave me so quickly, and that in fact.........the winter battle has begun.
I did something different this time. I knew that the worry and anxiety of possibly "losing everything", would in fact lead to just that. So, what did I do? When I went out to speak with Hashem, I thanked him profusely for allowing me to win the previous war. I was a WINNER! (instead of making this ONE long battle, i.e. you are either a complete winner or a complete loser), I chose to look at this as a new war entirely. So, this means that the previous battle I have won hands down, and this win cannot be taken away from me! You hear this you filthy menuval, meshukatz, zaken, k'sil, etc. It's is too late. I won the this battle and YOU lost!!!!! (Please all of you fellow warriors that are holding at day 30, 40, 50 etc, please don't look at this as one long battle that may eventually lead to failure. Be careful of this menuval. He holds degrees in all facits of psychology. If he starts to weaken you by telling you that he will not leave you alone until you give in, and you will lose EVERYTHING you have worked for,(he is using the anxiety, worry depression tactic), then you must pull a quick one on him, a declare that during the previous 50 days you totally over powered him, and you are now going to declare a WIN, not a truce!
Now, for the winter, you are starting a new battle with him. I am also going to change my tactics and look at it from a different perspective.
We have a choice to either start a "new" battle because of failure Chas V'shalom, or because we in fact WON the previous battle, and now we are going to go into deeper territory. He tells us it is one LONG battle, and eventually we will tire and lose, but I have chosen to tell him that the winter is a NEW battle and in fact YOU lost the previous one!!!!
In fact, R. Nachman says that one needs to be a bucky, in Ratz V'Shav. We cannot always be going ahead and soaring high into spiritual gains. We will eventually go too fast, and hurt ourselves. We must learn when to run and take ground, and then to come back inside for protection until it is safe to go out again. This is what we did during the Chagim. He says that Yom Kippur is the bechina of Tikkun habris,and after we have accomplished this, we are on such a high level that we can go out and soar to tremendous spiritual heights. So what do we do? We go out of our houses and into the Sukkah. Now, it is time to come back inside again. If we stay out too long, we will be damaged...he will get us.
Using this limud, I am choosing to stay inside, re-group, and go into a protection mode, and then maybe during kislev, I will be able to go out again for a short period and gain some higher spiritual goals.
B'kitzur I have now begun the battle of תשס"ט and in the previous year, the menuval has been declared a LOSER.
Please, no one should be fooled by the menuvals threats of weakening you until the very end and then taking everything. NO, declare your win now. This way you cannot possibly lose the previous battle, nor will you declare a truce with this filthy Menahel Ma'arechet HaBiuve.(supervisor of the sewage system).
So,now I am going back into the mode of pain. "No pain no gain." B'Ezras Hashem, I will be zocheh to the pain of the "workout," and not the pain of the "loss."
Chazak V'Ematz