Hi guys

Hi, I see that there are a lot of new ppl on the forum, it's grt to see.
I've realised that I need to keep in touch with the forum, as it gives me alot of chizuk.

I plan on posting daily, or maybe less.

I'm having a really hard time lately, for a number of reasons....
I'll start with the most recent, but I'll give a bit of an intro...
Pretty much last month. I was put in touch with an amazing guy, something special..., he gives me tons of chizuk, its really changed me.
I was clean for three weeks because of it, we made a deal that should i ever feel the need to slip, I should call him, which i did, meanwhile last week
I slipped up, without calling beforehand, I felt like a piece of ... for not calling, and he was upset that I didn't call, because we have a deal going. The reason why I slipped up, was because, my mother gave me the code for the internet, I was meant to go and ask her to change it, so that i wouldn't know what it is, but, I'm very reticent to, because it's much more handy for me to have access, anyway, I was planning on asking her today, but before i managed she walked out the door, she had to go somewhere, So I was sitting on the computer feeling .#%$, beacuse of certain thing that happened recently, which I'll talk about, so I slipped, I feel so low now, I;m too embarrassed to tell my freind what's happened, coz he'll be upset that I didn't call him, and it's exasperated the situation. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and it really plays up sometimes, I've had a really hard few days lately, last night I was so scared from an anxiety attack, that I had, that i really just wanted to call the ambulance. So today I woke up feeling really vulnerable, and this slip has just made it worse.

I was put in touch with the author of first day of your life, yair shochet. I discontinued going to him a) because of finances and b) I'm starting to see a psychiatrist and psychologist, which is more helpful being that the root of the  problem I think is my emotional stuff, and dealing with it with a professional, I think will be more helpful.

One of my big problems, which contributes greatly to my anxiety and my slipping, is my lack of seder. I find it soooooo hard to keep a seder, and being that I'm not in any sort of mizgeret now, it makes it soooooooooo hard!!!!

Whenever I slip I feel like hashem is gonna give me yissurim because of it, so it makes me feel even worse.

I haven't felt so low, in a while, which is why I'm turning to the forum....
I need help to go on...
Hashem, plz help me

Dear Net, Basically, you've been going through this cycle of addiction for already some years. You get up, you fall, get up, fall. We could offer you lots of Chizuk, but it would last a few days and then wear off again. Instead, we want to help you in a way that will be much more effective and systematic. By reading the handbooks and exploring what tools you've tried and which you haven't - we can work together and discuss the handbook with you (and with the others on the forum), step by step, tool by tool. This will give us a clear "Framework" to work in, and will help us make progress slowly but surely for the long term - and not just some chizuk that will quickly wear off... So I'm not saying we won't be offering chizuk and helping you. But let's do it within a systematic framework so that the progress can be outlined and mapped, and you will finally be able to break free of this endless cycle of addiction, which includes falls, chizuk and getting up, falls, getting up, falls, etc... Do you agree?

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

Another thing I want you to do please Net, is to read Chizuk e-mail #428 on this page - about dealing with depression, and Chizuk e-mail #478 on this page about dealing with stress and anxiety...