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Need help with my teenage son

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: Need help with my teenage son 5342 Views

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 13:19 #8931

yechidah
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dear mom,my heart is with you.I do not know enough so I cannot advice on specifics.but deep in your heart know there is greatness in your child.as painful as it is, never forsake him and never stop loving him.If he sees you look at him like he a piece of low garbage then it is over.there is a nekudah in his neshomah that is good,that doesn't want this stuff.never lose sight of this nekudah.He must see that you really love him and you respect him as well.and we are all davening that he pulls out of this.and when he does it will be partially because you never gave up on him and loved him always,loved him in the darkest hell and loved him when he rises out of it.If he ever comes to this site and reads this I would tell him that I was not in your shoes but we definitely were wearing the same brand name.I would say that most people here at one point got caught up in this stuff and there is a way out.that what was was.but he should go on the website and he will learn that it is normal to have these urges within you but you do not need to act out in a bad way.it could be channeled in the right way.but never be ashamed of the struggle itself.mom,you must know that the urge to these things are normal.

mom,your'e a great mom,and he's a great kid.He's just caught in a hurricane now.We are in the shelter.please help us bring you in and keep you safe

Last Edit: by Poedel.

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 13:38 #8933

sunnycheetah84
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Battleworn,
Yes, I know what you mean about R' Brezak. its not just the parenting advise, but his whole being, that teaches and influences. When I list to a shiur of his, I feel changed (for a little while, at least

).
He is a real anav (almost as much as R' Guard (private joke)), and it rubs off.

If all yiddishe totties would be involved in GUI, and all Yiddishe mommies in Project Kavey, the world would already have reached its tikun.

kutan

PS, Yechida, your words are very valuable. please PM the message to boysmom if you can, as I think she is not checking the site actively.

Rashi, Breishis (10:25)

Last Edit: by Nochum ish Gamzu .

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 13:57 #8938

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	Hey Kutan, no one comes CLOSE to me in Anava... :D
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by .

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 14:32 #8941

sunnycheetah84 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1043 Karma: 0	guardureyes wrote on 16 Jul 2009 13:57: Hey Kutan, no one comes CLOSE to me in Anava... :D ;D I'm working on catching up. Watch out!
	Rashi, Breishis (10:25) Last Edit: by chay26.

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 18:27 #8956

yechidah OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 4264 Karma: 91	Reb Kutan thank you for your suggestion but I don't think I'm able to.I do hope she visits back here some time soon.Of course she needs outside help with her son but there is something very powerful in many of our chevra that had similiar experiences that really care about her son and want to see him pull out of this and lead a happy and healthy life.
	Last Edit: by doubledave123.

Re: Need help with my teenage son 16 Jul 2009 18:38 #8958

sunnycheetah84 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1043 Karma: 0	Yechida, Thanks for the PM. Wasn't aware... Yes you are right about this place being magical. As R' Brezak often says about the power of a tzibur: 1+1 = 3 !!!! kutan
	Rashi, Breishis (10:25) Last Edit: by machurveralo.

Re: Need help with my teenage son 25 Jan 2021 15:13 #361895

yeshivaguy
Current streak: 6 days
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Ilan wrote on 22 May 2009 12:20:

Hi Mrs Mother.

I am certainly no psychologist and I did not read every single post but I did read your first letter. I am not a parent so you can take my advice for what it is worth or just simply discard it. I am not sure I have a right to give advice as I struggle with these issues. To me, you seem to behave towards your son as a commander behaves towards a soldier in basic training. I believe that the best thing you can do for your son is to love him regardless of his addiction or difficult tendencies. My brother is not an addict but he struggled at school socially, his father (my father) often would tell him to leave the house. It came to the point where my brother was not even welcome in his own house. What has happenend to that relationship - Well its over. My mother loves all her children equally and no matter what we did wrong, she still loved us. I think for your sake that one thing you cannot compromise on is your love for your son. I believe that you are doing so by invading his privacy. Perhaps you are not the best person to solve his addiction and you cannot do it with a "whip". A psychologist or an upstanding friend or Rabbi is probably more appropriate. Showing tough love by kicking him out the house is not an appropriate response. He is not on drugs or alcohol that he would behave violently towards you. I remember one of my siblings was looking at porn. I did not see it personally but my fathers computer technician noticed it when browsing through the history... My mom was concerned that his privacy was violated. Maybe that was not the correct response, but she loved him and was concerned for his honour. When your son looks at you he must see that you love him. If he sees his mother as a commanding officer he would rebel even more and look, checking through his things is not working so why carry on? I feel that there is a tendency on this forum to say that "you are right" or "I empathise with you" etc but in this case I believe that looking through your son's flash drive is not the correct thing to do!!! And perhaps you are the wrong person to help him off his addiction.

Beautiful

Re: Need help with my teenage son 26 Jan 2021 18:38 #361993

eyes Current streak: 137 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 340 Karma: 30	Hi Yeshiva Guy thanks for bringing this to the forefront. My son who is 3 is always touching himself. Any advise

Re: Need help with my teenage son 26 Jan 2021 19:04 #361996

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	Me? Advice? I’m just a buchar here, I’m focusing on first not touching myself before I worry about my future kids bezras Hashem prob best to speak to a fellow parent or a mechanech. Hatzlocha!

Re: Need help with my teenage son 03 Feb 2021 06:09 #362610

Gme Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 10 Karma: 0	Hi eyes, I am not a parent so I cannot give much advice from a personal aspect here, however, I do follow someone online named Rachel Tuchman who is a licensed therapist and I really enjoy her content. She has given a talk about this that she posted on her youtube channel. I would recommend watching that and maybe reaching out to her.