First, and foremost, please do NOT ever get depressed. The Y"H is not allowed in this post!
We can never ever even get up to Hashem's front door if we are not 100% honest with ourselves. Isn't that what we have been seeing all over this forum...and with Dov, and duvidchaim?.....Honesty!
Honesty is the key to the front door. There will be more doors, and more keys along the way. But, if you can say that "I honestly believe that I haven't ever really davened to hashem, and maybe even to believe in him...this is fantastic information for you. (BTW, I don't believe that you are alone) I am sure that ALL of us on this forum DO believe in Hashem, but.......only theoretically, and I am sure that this is what you are referring to by not believing in him.
Is Hashem just a "segula" c"v, and I ask him for this, and that, give me this, help me with that? OR, just like a relationship with one's spouse which takes lots of work over several years, do I also need to work on building a REAL personal relationship between ME, and MY creator......which has NOTHING to do with other people's connection with him, or how they view their connection.;
I am davening to hashem for 25 years...."please Hashem give me parnasah....please Hashem remove this taiva from me.....please.....
.....and Hashem could answer. Why are you asking me to give you so many things......you don't even BELIEVE in me!!!!!
Do we think that it is insane to make our very first teffilah to Hashem...
"Please Hashem, master of the universe, help me to BELIEVE in you. Help me to believe that you really are here with me. And, help me to feel that you are with me." The more we really believe in Hashem, then the more he comes forward, and speaks to us through clear, and vivid hashgacha.
I am honest to say that I am far away from perfecting my belief in hashem, but i am working on it, and here is a story that happened to me today;
I was in the Meah Shearim area learning in a yeshiva. (now, my shmiras ha'einaim has been on vacation for a while, and I am well aware of it). As, I was on my way out, a chossid,(the meah shearim type comes over to me, and asks me if I can accompany him to a certain place down the street, because, "I never go anywhere by myself" he told me.
I never had such a request like this before, but I said "no problem". Off we go down the street, a left, and then we come to a house, and he says I should go with him up the stairs. If the guy is home, then I can leave otherwise, I would still be "on duty" so to speak.
We are both standing outside a door, and he knocks on the door very lightly, knock, knock knock,......no answer. ....Again, knock knock knock.....no answer, and then he says to "ME", if the door opens, you must be "shomer es ha"anaim".
All of a sudden the door begins to open, he immediately looks down towards the ground, and he didn't see that I just "had to" have a look at what it was that I need to be shomer from, and there, at the door, (the door was 85% closed) was a very tnius dik women only showing her face! And, he knew that there would be a possibility that that his friends wife may open the door, so he gave me the proper warning to be shomer es ha'aniam.
I was now thanked, and allowed to go my way. It was so clear that Hashem was speaking directly to me, and loud, and clear....Thank YOU Hashem!!!!!
The more we ask him to please "help me to even believe in you", he will start to talk to us. Everything will become less theoretical.