Usually, when one “falls” everyone can console him: “You’ll be stronger for next time,” “You’re really a tzadik,” “In order to rise, you must fall” and all other sorts of encouragement.
Everything G-d does is for the best. Yet it has been written that Reshaim get their rewards in this world and not the next (how that works is way beyond me and probably not for this thread).
I am beginning to wonder, at what point is someone really a Rasha? How do I actually know that every time I fall it is for the best? I may seem arrogant, but I have so much going for me from an external point of view, how can I not think that perhaps I really am using up all my reward in this world? It seems kind of shallow to think that every time I fall I can just attribute it to helping me for the future. Someone has to be the bad guy – I do seem to fit the category (who cares if every now and then I show up on GUE and say some spur-of-the-moment cutesy line about me getting back into battle). I “repent” and I fall again. I don’t think I’m fooling G-d.

Here is how I would answer and someone may come along and completely refute me and I would be willing to concede. This is my mindset: the reward that were talking about here is pleasure. When a Rasha  gets pleasure in this world he LOVES it. So you ask "but it feels good when I act out?" The answer is that a Rahsa has no Charata (regret) afterwards. I dont know about anyone else here, but when I fall, I feel so much Charata that I could even fall into a depressive state! The Rasha feels GOOD after a fall. We know we have to get better  and we WANT to get better but its not so simple. The Rasha might know that he has to get better but has NO WILL to.

-Yiddle

A recent post by 7up alludes to the fact that it doesn't really matter where we are right now. The point is to which direction we're heading. Or in her words "where you place the ladder". In your mind , whats the destination? As yiddle pointed out ,a person who's ladder is leaning to hollywood doesn't have such guilt or ask such questions...

Keep climbing!

Here it goes;

Thanks for the responses, but bottom line, it has basically become a game (albeit a sad and depressing one) where I try to do better then it works for a few days to a few weeks and then I fall again. I have not gotten stronger from each fall just more aware of how many times the cycle has occurred. I try changing things each time but when push comes to shove every safeguard I had in place falls. I'm not fooling anyone.

WeWillNotBeForsaken wrote on 08 Jan 2010 01:33:


Welcome to the wacky world of the "addict". You are 100% right, but there are tools for us... See the handbooks, join the 12-Step calls - and you will awaken to a NEW you that won't be playing "games" anymore...

If you don't want to read the handbooks or join 12-Step groups, don't blame Hashem if the game continues indefinitely 

WeWillNotBeForsaken wrote on 08 Jan 2010 03:28:


ok please excuse me if i come out a bit harsh. WHO YOU DO THINK YOU ARE TO DECIDE WHAT GDS THINKING? it not your business at all.
How do you know that Hashems plan for you is not to battle for years! to win a few days and to fall a fewdays? how do you know? the answer is you dont. This question has bothered me every years on Rosh Hashana, how can we come to Hashem YEAR AFTER YEAR and say every time im sorry and i will never do it again please forgive me. dont you think Hashem gets bored of it? maybe the first year or two, but after 20,30,40 yrs hearing the same thing? how can we daven for forgiveness for any avira?
and forget about once a year when we ask, we in truth ask 3 TIMES A DAY in selach lanu, that mean when you just asked for forgiveness by shacris , here you are again asking by mincha!

I asked my Rosh Yeshiva this question and he told me that all Hashem wants from us to to keep fighting. We think in order to be good jews we have to be doing every thing right according to Halacha and every time we dont then Hashem is "mad" at us. It's not true! its all about the fight!! not who wins the war its how we fought it!

Hagoan Hagodol R'Tzvi Meir Shlit'a says in one of his schmoozin that sometimes in life we think that on days that i davened well, i learnt well, and had good middos, these are the days Hashem is happy with us, and days where i woke up late for davining and didnt learn so much and i got angry or slip a nisyon of Kedusha these are the days that Hasem is not so happy with us. R'T.M. says JUST THE OPPISITE!!!! when things good great for us and were not fighting we not living!! Hashem doesnt love cows more because they never do anything wrong!!! Hashem wants us to fight!!!! if we win ok thats cool too, but not the point! Hasem wants us to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

So i revert back to how i started who do you think you are that because you slip your fooling gd when you clean? In truth Hahsem wants the few days clean before the slip and the slip is irrelevant.

I heard once about an amazing Ohr Hachiam in PArshas Achrai Mos, whent the torah tells us of the issur of arious the Ohr Hachiam writes: With every issur in the Torah Hashem gives us the abilitly to totally conquer over them completely EXCEPT one, the issur of arious, The ohr Hachaim says it could be a person whole life he will have to battle this y'h, not neccserly win but BATTLE!!!

And as far as this Rasha business is concerned you cant possibly be a Rasha because of the fact that this game
WeWillNotBeForsaken wrote on 08 Jan 2010 03:28:


if it sad and depressing mean you dont really want it and that makes you not a rasha, just a jew with a y'h

And remeber that just because you fell/fall/will fall doesnt make the the times you fought fooling anyone.


Peace out and keep on fighting.