Lately, I've been feeling so disconnected to Hashem... I find in one night when I both daven and masturbate/watch porn, it's like I've undone all the good that's come from my davening. Tonight, I was having an urge to masturbate and watch porn, and planned on davening, and then going to do it right after, but then had such a moving experience while davening, felt so connected to the KBH and so loved, and decided in the midst of my davening, not to go ahead and do what I was planning. Instead, I came here, and decided to work on this. So, I'm early on (day 1), but hoping to build some positive habits.

Welcome and congrats on winning that battle! You've come to the right place. Many of us have been through the same contradictions and the feelings of worthlessness....

Stick around and learn the ropes! The chevra here are super supportive!

If I may be so bold as to suggest that you reach out to Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com), the main mentor here. He's helped many, me included.

Here's my best wishes for sustained success to beat this damned beast!

Muttel

Welcome,

I have definitely felt that way in the past and I know that most if not all of us here have felt that as well. One of the most pleasurable things in life is getting to a point in this fight with the yetzer hara where we start living as our true selves. Right now it feels hypocritical, and it is, but know that with this battle we become stronger and stronger over time. We get more self confidence and life in every aspect is brighter without our brains being bogged down by the constant fantasies and demotivating thoughts.
True change is around the corner and you have just taken the first step.

Cheers to a better life!!
Take the fight one day at a time. We must learn from our mistakes just like you've noticed that you need to work on getting out of bed. Each small thing creates change. We cant change ourselves magically in 10, 20, or even 50 days. The only way we can change for then is to work on ourselves now. You cant have 50 days of change without the 1st, and you cant expect yourself to be perfect like you are at 50days when your at day one. This means trying our best now, accepting things that don't go our way, and getting back up and moving on regardless.

Also it can be very beneficial to write out your story and also what your goals are with regards to coming clean.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

And know that you're not alone

Shalom brother,

Welcome to the warmest, most nonjudgmental family in the world.

I struggled with those same feelings for years and years. I always thought I was done for and that Hashem hates me ח"ו for all that I've done. Now that I'm here and see that were all in this together it gives me the chizuk I need to fight Every.Single.Day!

If I may I would suggest something which has worked for me in a very significant way. That is to have what they call an "accountability partner" Someone who you feel comfortable talking over the progress of your journey, the ups and the downs. There are plenty of people here that can help with that. My email is in the signature below so feel free to reach out.

We are all in this together and here for each other!

All the best and Hatzlocha on your journey!