Its very nice seeing how when new comers join the club, how some guys offer to help and inviting them to reach out personally.


However, To all the well meaning offeror's - Pls take in consideration, that if you don't have the time/energy etc. - to help out, pls don't offer to help in the first place.


Reaching out to another and opening up isn't easy, and its extremely painful that after speaking with someone once and then having him disappear or keep on being pushed around.

I have more to add, but Ill hold back... 

Helping others should come from a healthy place - for the most part, and not as a means to build our ego..



P.S. And if this post makes u feel uncomfortable - it might be addressed to you!

I see that you just registered today. Welcome to GYE. There are a number of people that are here to help others privately and they are good. Perhaps the person you reached out to isn't a good match for you. You can definitely reach out to the main mentor Hashem Help Me at michelgelner@gmail.com. He has helped many people including myself and you won't regret it. If you are interested you can open a thread and write a little bit about yourself. If someone did something wrong in any way you should report it immediately to chaim@guardyoureyes.com. I will let others post what GYE has to offer. Wishing you success on your journey.

I’m sorry that you had a bad experience. It hurts to open up and then feel let down, sorry that happened to you. 

please remember that the guys who are helping others here are doing it on their own. Different people have different levels of availability and time. If someone couldn’t give you what you needed, it doesn’t mean he was doing it for self-serving reasons, it could just have been because he didn’t have what it takes to be there for you in the way you needed, even though maybe what he can do is enough for some others… 

Please stick around and get to know the guys, hopefully you’ll be able to connect to people who won’t let you down…. 

This is a space populated by some of the most special people I’ve ever met, and I’ve been around the block a coupla times. If you make the effort, use the forums a bit, I hope that you’ll experience what so many of us have BH experienced. 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim 

chaimoigen wrote on 19 Mar 2025 21:15:

Hi,

I am not new here, was here a while ago for quite some time with a different user name, and I know the forum etc. and I stand still with what I wrote.

 Iam not saying that all the helping guys are that way. What I am suggesting is to take a deep look within where the drive to help others stems from.

The answer isnt relevant inasmuch that if its  just to build ones ego, and to feel good walking around thinking; "Hey, I am super busy smart dude, people run after me for help and advice. then one should work on himself and not USE others.

Ouch.
Im  really sorry. 

I am torn about whether I should respond to these posts
If the OP was hurt by me, then I take it very seriously, and I will try my utmost to take on only what I can, and C"V not hurt anyone by leaving them hanging.
If the OP meant others that help, I feel very differently. Yes, we should be careful not to hurt people even inadvertently. And for a person to point out that a well-meaning mentor left him feeling very alone and not truly cared for because he was too busy to get back to him, I hear that. But to suggest that these people, who I, and truly most of us, know that they are in this for no other reason than that they care deeply for the people that are going through the pain of unwanted behaviors, mentors who give away 'free' time that they literally don't even have, mentors who call, text, email, who give their hearts away, who sit and think and plan how they can help the people they are in touch with, mentors who when you tell them of your wins they literally dance along with you, to suggest that they are doing this for themselves?!?!?! That they are using others?!?! Yes, it is possible that because they all have limited time available that there will be people who need more time and they will not be able to help. But let's remember that they are not getting paid, and they are not forcing anyone in, they are just offering what they have, and for some, what they have may not be enough. They are doing a wonderful thing to offer help, and those that it works for will be eternally grateful.
Yes, we can all do good to listen to someone's pain. And I'm sorry that the pain caused such a mistake in the judgement call. The pain is terrible. And the mentors here are wonderful, selfless, caring people

I should add, it's possible the OP meant someone he connected to through the mentors program. My friend, there's a reason why that program was taken down for reconstruction. 
I'm sorry that you're in pain, Jubilantfalcon

eerie wrote on 20 Mar 2025 17:17:

eerie wrote on 20 Mar 2025 17:14:

I am not new here, was here a while ago for quite some time with a different user name, and I know the forum etc. and I stand still with what I wrote.

 Iam not saying that all the helping guys are that way. What I am suggesting is to take a deep look within where the drive to help others stems from.

The answer isnt relevant inasmuch that if its  just to build ones ego, and to feel good walking around thinking; "Hey, I am super busy smart dude, people run after me for help and advice. then one should work on himself and not USE others.

I appreciate your answer. But could you pls share why you chose to respond? and why you were torn about it?

I don't see a reason to write so negatively  on the forum about someone. Except for that person nobody knows who you are talking about so there is no Lashon Hora involved but think a little bit about how that person must be feeling now. Even if that person was trying to boost his own ego I don't think that it is right to write about him publicly the way you did. I am sure that at least in his mind all he was trying to do was help you. You should wait until you are here with this username for 30 days and consider whether it will serve any constructive purpose to discuss your grievance with him directly through private messages. Either way, I suspect that you owe him an apology.

Posting publicly the way you did about someone you are calling a mentor seems to be casting doubt about the integrity of many mentors on GYE and that is simply false. In general, the mentors are doing a very good job and they are giving selflessly of themselves with a passion to help others and they deserve our praise. Your basis for posting was a personal experience with a single person but your manner of posting implies that there is something wrong with the whole system.

Even to suggest that is wrong. Yes, you are in pain. I get that, and I feel for you. But to get up and suggest, even to suggest, that perhaps some the people here that give their lives away to help others are doing so without really caring, only because they want self-gratification of some sort, is utterly wrong and disrespectful
Again, your pain is making you come to some conclusions, and they are wrong. It's hard for a person to see past their pain, I understand, but we all know that your 'suggestion of perhaps some' is wrong.
Yes, everyone is limited, and yes, we can all improve in conveying in a nice way "I'm sorry, I can't help you". No, they can't help every single guy in every single situation. So they offer help. Those that they could help, that time allows, that is challenged in a way they can help, they help. Those that it doesn't work for, they can't help. And that's that. Nobody that I know means to grow themselves at anyone's expense