Hi chevra,

I lost access to a different account so I am posting here. I had a fall this week with smut. The type of content was fictional (stories, etc), but quite graphic/out there probably even for gye members. I was making progress in therapy and was clean for almost 2.5 months. Long story short, I think work stress, plus a bad influence served as triggers. I was getting ready to ask out a girl I've been building a connection with, but now I am back in a place of shame and guilt. Feeling like I am too disgusting and that she'd deserve better. Therapy has helped me learn that such thoughts are self defeating, and the most important think is to always work on myself, but I am still feeling quite bad in this moment.

jollydolphin01 wrote on 18 Mar 2025 11:49:

Shalom Brother and welcome with your new start!

One of the greatest tools to fight this is connection. Stick around. Post a bit more. Talk to some of the great people here, and with Hashem's help you will be getting right back up.

2.5 months clean! That's huge!!! One mistake doesn't erase that. You are a hero for fighting. Perhaps reading the book The Battle of the Generation can help give you a positive perspective in these struggles.

Looking forward to hearing more great things from you.
All the best

Yes, definitely check out The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation., which will help you reframe your perspective toward the challenge. I think right now read Appendix A in the back, and then go onto the rest of the book.
You got this!

Thanks! I think I had read BotG some months ago, but reading appendix A was nice. Its honestly similar to what my therapist tells me, he just uses more pysch talk instead of torah sources (inner critic vs yeter hara, etc.). Not getting held back by shame is for sure part of the fight for me.