Hello everyone! my name is Thegrave and after many years of loging on and off GYE i decided to make my first post!
A little About Me: I am 25 and struggled with PMO for about 11 years. I discovered GYE when I hit rock bottom during COVID. I was falling constantly and was in a vicious cycle of falling and feeling like garbage and falling because I felt like garbage etc. which explains my username which I made when I was in a very dark place in my life.
My Journey: After reaching out it was recommended to try the 90 Days clean which was extremely difficult for me and still is. I struggled for many years. At times I would make it a few days or a week sometime on really good days, maybe even 2 or three weeks. For instance, once when I reached around 40 days! (which is kind of nuts, come to think of it.) but after i fell and realized I had to start the count over again I gave up for a while.
Therapy: around three years ago I started seeing a therapist and that's when things took a turn for the better. It wasn't without hard work though, I went for about a year and during that time I had to confront some really painful facts about the real reason why I struggle and fall all the time. (which is beyond the scope of this post but it's not very pretty.) What it did give me though was the necessary tools to regulate my emotions and not act out when I'm triggered.
My first 90 day streak: Jump ahead to current times this summer July 21 to October 28 i reached 99 straight days! Which is wild! after all that effort to finally make it! I was hoping for this crazy change to happen and all my problems to go away and just be on this amazing high forever! But it was not so, around the 80 day mark a Shidduch that I really liked dumped me after 2 months of dating and at around 90 days something happened at home which left my parents' marriage in shambles. I held out for those last 9 days and finally I gave out and fell…
77 Days later: Time being the best healer i'm ready to start again i'm at day 3 now and as you can see it's been quite a ride.
Hashem, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you for reading, Thegrave
