Hi chevra, as i am starting to realize and experience the power of gye and the power of having a good support group, i want to know if it is possible to have forum/group for the people that have had a issue with going live?

while there are many good and greats here, i still feel like it would be my benefit to connect with people who have struggles like mine, and especially if we can get some that are having a long streak already, without s.a., and without treating it differently then p & m, because it really in my opinion doesn't matter so much about the actual act, as much it matters about where you are holding as a person, so there can be someone who is just struggeling with porn, but is unstoppable, where there can be someone doing the live things but can really hopefully move on.

so i am therefor humbley proposing that we get a chevra together in this similar situation, i know that there are less of us but we do exist, and for me personally i'm looking for people that really struggled with this, not just as a one or time thing, hopefully it's not ashot in the dark, (new vaad ), please don't send me respnses that i belong in s.a. please keep those thoughts to yourself and just respond or p.m. if you identify, or if you have some positive input.

kol tuv fuhn der mir!

There was someone in the past who had to break off from a girlfriend and we all gave him support and helped him do it even though most of us haven't gone live. The underlying struggle is universal only that it plays out in different ways by different people. Of course it feels better to hear from people in your situation and it would be easier for you to relate to them but it isn't necessary for recovery. Of course, if there is anyone in your situation they should post here but I wouldn't exclude everyone else from this thread.

Nuuuu raboisay come on who's gonna join me????? i know i'm not a loner, i have many raayos !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm choshesh that i might have to say shiur to myself!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure what you expect people to post on this thread. If you are looking for chizzuk and advice then perhaps write a little about yourself while leaving out the small details that can be triggering so that we and perhaps also people that were in your situation can give you chizzuk and advice. Whatever you are going through, you won't be the first person posting about it and most of us will be able to relate to your struggles.

Sent u a PM

You are interested in creating a thread for chevra that did a specific level of acting out. That is very understandable. At the same time please understand that how the acting out manifests really does not make a difference as far as breaking free. That is probably why there has not been much of a response here to your request. However, if you would like to speak to individuals that went as far as you did and BH are clean now, reach out to me and i can see if they are willing to speak with you. That would of course be very beneficial b'ezras Hashem.

Yes i agree one hundred percent Ive been there done that and im starting on my journey now. But the only thing thats working for me is talking to guys that can understand me. Yes i didnt believe it either at first but talking and even meeting which i was zoche to do. Meeting another yid was such a help for me!! I hope to do this together with you!

Dear Alteh Mirrer, HHM doesn't need my haskama, but I just want to tell you that I've seen the same cure work for all the different ways of acting out. No matter what the behavior, connecting to people who understand them, accept them, respect them, talking it through, creating some form of accountability, having all that emotional support, it helps for people struggling at literally any level.
I also wonder if there may be a chisaron in creating a separate group, which will make those that are part of the group feel different and identify themselves with their struggles. And one of the strongest points we learn here is that our struggles don't define us. We are normal, wonderful, wholesome, ehriliche Yidden. And there's an area of our lives that needs to get fixed. Don't let what you did define you at all!
At the same time, you can gain from speaking to people who you fully relate to. So, perhaps instead of starting a thread and conversation etc. You should post that you would like to talk such people, and if any of such feels comfortable PMing you, that's a way for you to start connecting. I'd also tell you to please be careful with divulging your details to just anyone

Agreed with all the above. 
To put maybe a slightly finer point on it: 

If you want to speak to people who have shared the same level of struggles for Chizzuk and perhaps some specific situation related Eitza, there’s certainly Toeles therein. 

But the Yesodos of breaking free are the same, regardless of the form of past challenges, and I think it can even be somewhat detrimental to define yourself in the terms of those specific behaviours. Because those behaviours are not you. The healing is in being the person who isn’t defined by those behaviours. 

And moreover - I feel that there is also a tremendous Maala in feeling the connection with all of us who have had struggles with our various personal versions of Gehenom and are BH being able to see success, with Siyata Dishmaya: Because the more you are able to connect with how this is really about connecting with your internal Retzonos and living real Chayim, the more you will be able to break free. 

(ע״ע דעת חכמה ומוסר בענין מידת ״לבדו״ ואכמ״ל )

Warmly, 
Chaim Oigen

if there could be a forum that required special permission [like the BB forum]] than i could post without triggering. people that 'get' me that would be amazing

Thank you everyone for your warm responses (all positive!!!!!! none of the negativity that i was expecting!!!!!!!!), just to get this out of the way to all the people that pm,d me since i'm not here a month yet (i think i'm here around 15 days), therefor i can't respond to y'all let's start the count down!!!!!!!! (btw this thing about a month is new to me the altehmirrer didn't have that last time around, nayeh zochen haintegeh dor)

so where do i go from here? i guess to take the oilams (hhm, eerie, chaim oigen) advice, and not try to make a whole new exclusive group, but rather to just find others like me and to connect with them..... (i'll have to find a different shteller )

And to clarify to some of you, yes i wholeheartly agree that it helps and it's important to speak to all the greats even if they didn't exactly act out in the same way, and yes i don't think that they can't help me and that i'm a lost cause without my fantasy group, but i will just say that it would be reassuring to hear from others that identify fully, not because you others can't understand, but rather because it would help me feel normal about myself, i understand myself this way, when the porn guy acts out it's doimeh to speeding 110 mph, but when i am it's like going 185 mph, so yes technically were both speeding dangerously, but 185 is a little over the top and a little not normal, (i know it's not a klal.........., but biderech klal) now that being said of course it doesn't and shouldn't define me, and yes i am a fellow struggler like everyone else, now after speaking to someone about this he shared with me the following thought, it could very well be that there are many more people like me (hopefully not!), but he thinks that many people whov'e gone crazily live give up on themselves and don't try to help themselves, and i therefor can't find so many of them here, plus many of the ones that do turn for help feel so helplessly lost that they think and/or are told that they need sa right away, ok shoin it is what it is.

kol tuv and hatzlocha from the mir!

chaimoigen wrote on 10 Jan 2025 19:51:

Ah bh a fellow mirrer! nit fuhn der americaneh shmuzzen in דעת תורה!

You can always email me. . Guys like us did not believe we had any chance of being “normal” and clean. However there are still enough of us around who won’t be shocked by anything you might have done.

There are quite a few guys who have shared this level of acting out - unfortunately more than maybe you expect. Keep on posting and making connections and iyh they will get in touch with you as they determine that you are a confidential safe individual.