Baruch Hashem, I've been mostly clean for a while. I haven't been motzi zera levatala in over a year and a half and I haven't looked at any real pornography for even longer. The thing that personally has helped me the most is the Taphsik Shevuah, BH I've managed to never been nichshal while under it. However the thing that is still harming me is whenever I have a time alone with my thoughts, wether in bed or in the bathroom, I get bombarded by all my memories of all the videos I've watched. I imagine various scenarios and the likes, no need to get into details. BH this never results in being Motzi Zera but it ruins my Kedusha. Additionally it makes me crave for when my Shevuah is going to end and I'll have a chance to be free on the internet again (for those that don't know the Taphsik Shevua is a unique shevua one makes that someone has to pay money if he's nichsal). It usually goes that after the shevuah is up I go "innocently" searching through the internet till what I "stumble" upon gets worse and worse until I feel the need to make a new Shevuah. Additionally I struggle with Shmiras Einayim tremendously. Point being is I feel like the route of my issues is that I love Pritzus, I guess that's the most straight forward to say it. I crave to see pritzus even while spacing out and it results in when the second I have internet  I always manage to happen upon something inappropriate. I was wondering if anyone had any advice to make this desire just subside a bit, that when I space out it doesn't always go to Pritzus and my next internet search. How do I make it that it's not such a focus of my life that I feel like I'm spending every waking moment waiting for my next opportunity to see Pritzus. 

Hi! 
My friend, the first thing I'll say is that this is pretty common, so just breathe a little calmer. You're normal, you're healthy, and you can learn to overcome this. 
I will say that the best way to explain the correct attitude that will help is through talking and listening to someone explain it. But I'll try to write what I can.
The first thing is to realize that having desires is not a flaw or a glitch in your system. It should not bother you at all that you have desires, my friend. That's the way Hashem made you and I. And even though on a logical level you may already know this, still we are bothered by the fact that we have desires, and we associate them with being bad, dirty, flawed, ichy, etc., and we have to start thinking about them as they truly are. It is not a mistake or a flaw, it is the way Hashem has intended you to be. And don't let that bother you. Being bothered by ourselves makes it hard for us to just move away from the thoughts
As part of the process of accepting yourself, it is important for you to learn to understand your own desires, why you have them, what role they play in your life, etc. Having the proper understanding of what's going on inside of you gives you the strength to deal with it
The second thing is to learn about your own emotions and what emotional discomfort you are soothing when you are lusting. 
Again, these ideas are best learned from someone who can explain it to you, in conversation, so reach out to one of the good people here
If you so desire, it'll be my pleasure to explain it over the phone. Email me at the email in my signature, and I'll send you my number

    Yup, women are attractive. It seems from what you wrote that when you get fantasies that you play into them as opposed to just acknowledging that they're there and moving on. If that's the case then I would say that training yourself to not play out fantasies is crucial to long term success. They won't go away totally but they will become less frequent and more manageable.

    Can you explain how this method works? I understand that you set a time period that if you fall then you have to pay a knas, but what does that help except delay the inevitable?

    I would say that ghe idea behind this method is to help get you past a certain amount of time clean so that your brain isn't soo wired to lust. The problem is that if you only have money in between you and masturbation then it's not really changing the way you think about the actual problem, it's just making the problem about something more external like money.
    I'm not saying that this is the wrong method because it does help stop ppl from looking for lust, but I would recomend that this should be an extra barrier and not your main method to rewire your brain.
    Learning to de-objectify women and how to urge surf is more powerful longterm than telling yourself "I cant act out because then I'll have to pay 300$, oy vey". I believe that changing your mindset is key to success, not protecting your money. The money is a tool not the success itself.

Please note that I am not saying that this is wrong and shouldn't be done, I am just trying to understand the reasoning to how it works long term. 

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

jewizard21 wrote on 01 Jan 2025 22:30:

Gold!
Worth some time to think about this....

Check out this link for a book that many have found helpful in reframing the struggle.
And, of course, speaking to mentors can be extremely helpful as eerie mentioned above.

Welcome. First of all, realize that you are an incredible hero for getting to the madreiga you are on. There are many guys who would pay thousands of dollars to be in the place that you are in. Secondly, as mentioned, what you are experiencing is normal and expected (see PM i sent you). Therefore, stop panicking and obsessing about it. Do not make a monster out of what is really a little fly buzzing around your head. Lastly, a great motivator would be, with the help of a mentor, to calmly clarify why it is you want/need to stop the fantasizing. Meanwhile ashrecha! Hatzlocha buddy.

Hey, here’s a warm hand! 

you’re a good guy. It’s natural to have urges and desires. There’s nothing wrong with being a person with normal healthy urges, and it’s not productive or healthy to obsess about the fact that thought come into your head. Thoughts are thoughts. You can move on. 

What’s important to realize though, is that searching for images and stuff in the internet that doesn’t “cross the line” but still excites your lust isn’t productive. Moreover, it keeps you in the “ posture of pornography”. If you want to live clean and have the urges subside more and more as time goes by, you need to learn to avoid looking at anything that feeds the lusting. Then , with time, the fly will buzz less and less around your head. It’s a game changer… 

Please perhaps check out my “Posture of Pornography” post on Chaim’s Oigen.
heres a link
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/414745-Chaims-Oigen#414748. 

Wishing you continued success!! 

Chaim

welcome!
Very amazing that you have gone a year and a half with no pornography or masturbation!
I found reading the blue book (Teh big book of AA) and the white book (Sexaholics Anonymous) to help me better understand that the fight isn't really about the P and M it's about the lust, and really whats behind the lust. As the saying goes (I don't remember where it's from) its not about the sobriety, it's about the recovery.
There are a few things I found helpful but all of them are not simple quick solutions and they all take work and dedication. 1) going to therapy to better understand my emotions and my response to them. 2) Reminding myself everyday that I don't need lust/sex to be happy and live. 3) Calling out the lies of the YH, lust and P and M is not the super awesome feeling that the YH makes you think it will be. 4) Connect, Connect, Connect, Call or text or PM someone every single day. 5) Post Post Post.
Please reach out to me to talk more, my number and email is in my signature.
Hatzlacah! It is possible to recover!