I find my biggest triggers are when I'm alone with lots of times by myself, I lose that battle 90% of the time especially in times of stress (yes I'm extremely anxious about tomorrow's election) It's not my wife's responsibility to babysit me but how do I pass the alone time?? 

PaulONeill21 wrote on 04 Nov 2024 14:29:

If you already know who's winning, there's nothing to worry about!! 

(אל תבטחו בנדיבים)

True but people here (Israel) have been living on the edge for the last year, what happens tomorrow will have a big effect on us. I will see what path Hashem wants us to be on the easy one or the difficult one, it's extremely scary. 

YOU identify stress being a trigger. That is normal, most people are like that.
Awareness to what causes the trigger is one of the first steps to improvement and healing.
Real long lasting improvement comes from, not just practically managing our urges, but looking inside ourselves and changing something inside.
Perhaps you would like to share more of your story and history, it seems that you may have more on your heart then you have communicated until now. As you can see from the chevra, opening up, sharing and connecting with others, does wonders.

With warm feelings,
M111

PaulONeill21 wrote on 04 Nov 2024 14:29:

Lot to unpack here. 

If I may be blunt. Most people don't masturbate when they are with other people. I read this post and all I see is someone saying I lose the battle 90% of the time I have the opportunity to do so. 

That's not a problem necessarily. Just an observation. 

Hatzlacha!

Edit: This was probably not such a helpful observation. Sorry. What may be helpful is not focusing in on what happens when you are alone, but focusing on the big picture. As Dov once said, the problem isn't that in situation X you act out destructively. The problem is you act out all the time. Situation X is just a slightly more extreme manifestation of a constant problem.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into what you wrote. Please forgive me if I'm projecting and am way off the mark.

To rebound off of Shem's post - it seems like you could use some productivity and ways to deal with stress that are not unhealthy. Find something positive to keep busy with.

To rebound off of m111's post - if you are feeling up to sharing a bit more about yourself, perhaps we can explore what positive things you might do, and in what ways you might be able to avoid triggers, relieve stress, and mitigate your ability to fall.

Hatzlacha

Yes your comment is a bit much, I'm obviously referring to many hours of alone time at a shot, forgive me for attempting to see if anyone had a suggestion to help me out of this........ 

This alone time is very scary, not sure why someone would have so much time alone. I don't anything about your life to give you advise but that has to taken care of asap. As long as you have so much time it will be impossible IMHO to work on the addiction.

I live in Israel but work US hours hence the many alone hours 

If I would work home alone I'd gone bananas... or suicide. Or rent a shared office space to see people

Work hours are not my issue its all-day kids at school, I try to sit in shul and learn but even if that's an hour there is still lots of time. 

PaulONeill21 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 16:31:

That's extremely tough! Reflecting your situation in my shoes I would not be able to do it! We're bound to our limited capabilities but Hashem has the solution for you!

Stay strong!

PaulONeill21 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 16:31:

Could you join find additional work or volunteer for an organization for any of that time? 

Do you mind sharing more specifically what you are struggling with (masturbation, pornography on a device, or other)?

My issue is 90% M, I put Strick blocks on all me devices although nothings perfect. When the war started I did lots of volunteer stuff for the IDF soldiers but not much of that anymore. 

PaulONeill21 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 15:19:

I apologize.

Let me explain why I think I responded harshly. A particularly tough time for me, a time when I will nonstop binge no matter what, is when my wife goes out of town. No matter the preparation, I have always, always, masturbated my brains out the second she left town. 

Why? I'm not sure why. Part is habit, part is conditioning, part is a feeling like I "need" to make use of this "opportunity", part is the break from normal life structure. But I think the fundamental issue that is revealed by this situation is that porn is the bedrock of my life. When the normal external barriers and restrictions (a.k.a. my wife) go away, the incessant drive to act out is revealed. Which is deeply disconcerting.

So I'm working on it. I work on it in the short term with good filters, strong accountability, connecting to friends who help me in the struggle, tefilla, setting up better routines, learning alternatives to acting out, planning out distractions, using Flight to Freedom tools like urge surfing etc. etc. And I work on it in the long term by trying to develop a life that can be sustained without relying on external barriers to keep it going.  A life where I genuinely live the life G-d wants me to live, and not a life that I trudge through painfully and that needs to be escaped from with porn at every opportunity.

So your question resonated with me too strongly. Realizing that when I'm really alone what I really want to do is just dive into porn until the sun rises on the next day was a very painful realization. And your question brought that realization back up to the surface. 

Anyway, I don't know if this resonates with you at all. Most likely you just have a bad habit and need to work on filters and planning out other activities to fill your time. But I was unacceptably rude and think an explanation and apology is required.

Hatzlacha!