hey. just a background of myself. I'm a 22 year old bachur who has been struggling with these problems since 8th or 9th grade. the journey to stop this behavior only really started seriously for me 2 and a half years ago. I've been on and off but the struggle has been a constant companion of mine. I'm naturally very hard on myself and only recently I've worked on myself to not kill myself every time i fall. i just wanted to get a story off my chest finally. I'm sure some of you know about this... there are these people on WhatsApp who prey upon jewish whatsapp groups offering all sorts of porn content. over the last 3 or 4 years i waited to get a text from one of these people so i can get some sort of content for my addiction. there are plenty of these people so i got many of these texts. most of these people were pretty stupid so what I would do was ask them for a sample but never ask for too much that i would have to pay. this almost always worked but there was always a fear I've had of getting exposed by these people so i never actually did anything ilegal. also, most of these people were random dudes from Africa who thought this was a way to get easy cash (and unfortunately it must have worked many times for the amount of scammers there are doing this). so the story is this past peisach i got a text from one of these numbers asking if i remembered her (or him). i saw that this is a number that I've texted before but these people usually delete their texts or try again to get money. so i replied making believe that we had no history. she started writing back that i stole from her and she's going to expose me. i freaked out... i overthink like crazy so my mind went to every possible situation i was going to find myself in... none of them good. eventually i decided to block the number which prompted a text from another number saying they're going to get me and mess me over. i blocked this number too and continued freacking out. face burning feeling like i have a fever shortness of breath i had it all. the first days of peisach were horrible. i was terribly nervous that at that moment everyone knew what I've done and my peisach was ruined. i felt nauseous the entire peisach. after i saw that i got a text from a random number again and i decided that my strategy is blocking the random numbers and forgetting about it all. but that proved impossible. its a half a year later and i jump every time i get a innocent scam call (which happens a lot for some reason) every time my phone buzzes from a text my heart sinks. that's basically the story. recently in yeshiva I've been doing much better with the struggle. i would masturbate once a week or once every 2 weeks. and i was preparing myself to be even better but then bein hazmanim hit and its a bit worse. that's my story regarding this. so i just wanted to ask you guys a few things: do you guys think I'm overthinking with the whatsapp stuff and calls stuff? it kills me and makes me hard on myself which leads to p&m. i kind of know that I'm overthinking and stressing too much but every time i think about it, it destroys me.
any tips?(also random question... is it a good idea for one who is struggling to start shidduchim.)      thanks

Shalom Chaver,

Thank you for sharing your story.

Getting a new phone number is a pain, but it might give you some valuable peace of mind.

As far as shidduchim - TLI (too little information). If you are feeling up to it, reach out to some of the Heilige members here, get to know them, and maybe they can give you some personal hadracha.

HashemHelpMe would be a great start, and you can email him michelgelner@gmail.com

Hatzlacha!

helperfromheaven18 wrote on 30 Oct 2024 02:30:

If at all possible, you may want to do yourself a favor and get a Kosher flip phone without texting for six months. You can stop worrying about these problems.

Boy do you have a load, But welcome brother, this is the warmest and best community where you will find the help you need.

As you describe yourself I cant help but think about myself, I also was very hard on myself, and I also overthink everything like crazy, I even had a point in my life when I begged hashem 3 tefilos a day to please take my brains away, let me be a happy dumbel rather than a smart stressed out depressed person.

But Bh especially since coming here i've totaly changed, AND SO WILL YOU.

just reach out to the awesome people here like HHM, MUTTEL, EERIE, ETC.

Hatzlacha Raba with love

Hey,

       For starting shidduchim its a case by case senario. Women both jewish and non-jewish think of porn in all forms as cheating. Whether you tell her or not is a whole other sugya but even if she doesn't know it's still impossible to give your full devotion to her as a husband while living this double life and she will definitely pick up on that bc women are more emotionally in tune than men.



    I am also 22 and single. I started porn and masterbation at age 12 but BH I've been clean for 11months minus 1day. This question is something that I think about alot aswell. I would recomend calling HashemHelpMe when you feel comfortable (took me a while till I called but 1000% worth it) and ask him about it.



    On another note I would like to recommend a few tools to help with this nisoyon.

• Of course there's the flight to freedom videos

• Urge surfing 

• And my personal favorite which I think is extremely useful is the concept of ODAAT- One Day At A Time.



Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Ouch. Dear Tzaddik, I'm hurting for your pain. In general, just ignore these people. You know you were careful, don't worry about anything. If they would have something over you, they would have done it a long time ago. Just delete the texts when they come in
And, remember that online garbage does carry this danger. Too many people have done stupid things on camera, with 'frum' people, and then been extorted to the tune of tens of thousands. Watch yourself
Or, just break free!!!! Now that's a much better way!
Take a deep breath, nobody is coming for you. You'll be fine. 
p.s. If you want to, feel free to reach out to the email in my signature. I'd be happy to listen to all the details and offer my 2 cents
P.p.s KEEP TRUCKING!!!!

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here, as you have started seeing, you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program, the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.
(Captain, link again? )
There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com. Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com, and iwannalivereal - iwannalivereal@gmail.com are a great place to start!

Looking forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Wow,
Tthanks for introducing yourself. 
It sounds like it was very difficult to unburden yourself, and it sounds like you are carrying a heavy load like a ton of bricks on your shoulders. 

Luckily for you, the people on this site are familiar with the concept of having dark feelings of despair. 
Even luckier for you, many have completely changed their lives around and have found the ability to clean themselves up and rid themselves of the horrible pain and misery that comes with the shmutz. 

As others have mentioned, reaching out to the fantastic people on this site and making friends with them, is probably the best way to move forward. They won't judge you or look down on you. 
In fact, they'll lift you up and guide you forward. Not necessarily from telling you things you don't already know, but by being there for you and uplifting you and most of all, understanding you. 

Stick around, send some messages, post alot, and I assure you, there is a way forward AND UPWARDS out of the deep hole you feel you are in now. 

May Hashem bless you with the strength and the ability to see the light, and may He encourage you to keep fighting. 

Feel free to reach out to me at any point. 

All the best. 

Odyossefchai 

proudyungerman wrote on 30 Oct 2024 15:38:



See below in my signature