eiyantov wrote on 16 Oct 2024 18:43:

Can be tough! Any newspapers, games, people you can try to talk to? Walking outside can help. Rooting for you

Out of the 72+ hours of yom tov, almost all of them I was clean.

Fell on the first day of yom tov, was mz"l.

Last night I passed a disgusting/beautiful (depending on how you look at it [pun intended]) billboard on the highway, proud (and surprised) to be able to say that I instinctively quickly looked away and didn't look any more than the first-look-by-mistake

I barely slept last night, and was a zombie today.
At some point today I started feeling extremely weak and fatigued, and also starting craving m.
I fought, didn't give in.
After about 45 minutes both the fatigue and taavah started fading away.
I realized that what happened was that I was tired and my brain decided it needed a quick fix, and made me feel very weak so I should give in.
I fought until I got over it, and once my brain 'forgot' about m, the fatigue went away also.

I know that if I don't figure out a way to keep busy on yom tov, I'll fall at least once.
I don't know what to do.

Sleep!!!!

I kept clean during yom tov, but fell and m'd twice on Shabbos.
Have been trucking since.
Have been wasting my bein hazmanim playing computer games the whole day, so I'm busy enough that I barely have any urges.
Yesterday I suddenly decided that I'm in the mood of a shower.
Then I realized that I was actually in the mood of m'ing in the shower, not the shower itself.
So I pushed the shower off till later and didn't fall.

But Shabbos/ yom tov afternoon at home is a problem.
I don't know how I'll keep out of trouble this Shabbos.
I have nothing to do at home, and even if I did, being at home itself is a trigger.

Maybe finding something you enjoy doing that can be done on Shabbos will make it easier for you. Some people learn or sing a lot on Shabbos or socialize in shul but whatever rocks your boat as long as it isn't harmful.

Maybe try going to shut for shachris and mincha ? With shabbos getting shorter there won’t be much time to act out

Setting a time limit for showers and not taking them when you are tired can help.

Have been trucking, Baruch Hashem I barely have any urges in yeshiva, looks like I've mostly overcome triggers from day-to-day life.
Most urges I feel are extremely weak and I don't pay any attention to.
I still have triggers at home to deal with. I'm waiting for the next off Shabbos, while at the same time being afraid of it.

So happy to hear back from you and especially with the good news!

For the coming off shabbos I would recommend you make gedarim in ways that will save you from trouble (don't be too strict with your gedarim because then you will just walk away mad at the whole situation).

Please keep us posted, Hatzlacha Raba!