redfaced wrote on 09 Jan 2025 03:09:

Marrieds usually have more to keep busy with.

I've found that being busy helps with boredom, but does very little for loneliness. It took me doing some serious therapy to help cope with the loneliness which was a large driving force in my P and M struggle, even while married and barely having time to breathe. In a way being so busy makes it harder because you don't have the proper amount of time to process emotions, also you feel alone in all the pressures of life.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 09 Jan 2025 14:38:

Which could either help or hurt. Hashem is just and does not compare us. Each person is judged only against himself.

החכם עיניו בראשו.

I should've had the foresight to shower earlier, when I wasn't feeling weak from fasting yet.

Decided that shower will have to wait till after shabbos.

I had this voice in my head saying that I don't have any urges now, I'm probably good, just go.

And thats probably true.

But I've learnt from experience that better safe than sorry. I'm compromised right now, feeling weak, Friday is my weak spot, and its not worth the risk.

Rough day.
Feeling...
Dunno.
More than exhausted.
Worn out.
Wiped.

And I have to eat supper, and do laundry, and get to bed.

It sounds like a joke, but right now all that's overwhelming.

I had a really strong taavah to m earlier in the bathroom, controlled myself.
Continued having urges for the next while, but didn't give in.

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Dec 2024 19:58:

This is so profound and true. We all struggle, even those that are clean. It’s a natural by product of being single. But as you can see from the threads it doesn’t go away even after marriage. The less we give in the easier it becomes. 

Crazy week.

The week has just begun 

But boruch Hashem I had a bunch of wins last week.

I had a strong urge to m in the shower this morning.
I ignored it for a while, but eventually gave in.
While I was doing it, I was battling myself (,"I have a pull to do this"/"I don't went to do it and I need to stop myself ASAP").

I went to my SOS tool.

(A little background - when eerie had posted that story ("There's a huge pit in my stomach... RBSO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), I copied it into a note on my phone, and has since become my in-case-of-emergency tool.
Usually, reading it instantly sobers me up.)

And that what saved me this morning.

The extended vikam family had a Shabbos together.
All of my cousins from the vikam side that are my age are girls.
To make things worse, all the families were seated together by the seudos.
Was a struggle throughout the weekend.
Controlled some, looked some.
Not sure which was more, or how much He was expecting of me.
Had urges to m multiple times.
Didn't give in at all.
The place we rented had a hot tub. When I used it, as soon as I sat down in it, the very hot water gave me a strong urge to m.
I fought it, and eventually got used to the heat, and the urge went away.

Baruch Hashem, things have been going pretty well the past week.
Some urges to m here and there, haven't given in.

Life has been pretty much the same, old journey on an unpaved road: Lots of ups, downs, and potholes.

Just checking in.
Small urges here & there.
Boruch Hashem no falls.
At the end of one day last week I was extremely drained, and had a strong urge to m.
Didn't give in.

 About a week and a half ago, out of nowhere, I started having urges to m. I fought them and didn't give in, but they wouldn't leave me alone. Motzei shabbos I bumped into some inappropriate material online, which only made things worse, and the entire Sunday I couldn't stop thinking about what I had read. I wasn't trying to think about it, it just kept coming back. Over the next few days I cycled through some easier stretches, and some times that the urges would come back to visit. But I held strong and didn't act out.Until Tuesday night, when I finally succumbed, ending a streak of a month or two. Since then, the urges have been on a whole different level.The best analogy I could think of is the difference between before and after the חטא העץ הדעת.There wasn't just a yetzer harah, it is now inside me.I now don't just have nisyonos, but urges burning with a passion on a whole different level. The struggle is 20 times harder now, but just because I fell once last week doesn't mean I'll give in again. On Friday afternoon I was feeling very weak and tired, and started feeling an urge to m... ...until I realized that this sounded familiar, and realized what was happening. I wasn't craving m because I was weak, I was weak because my brain wanted a fix of m.Realizing that made things a drop easier, and I fought and didn't give in. There have been more urges since then, but I won't give in.