cheerfulswan42 wrote on 01 Jan 2025 05:01:

Because I made up my mind that I just don't do these things anymore.
Not that I'll fight and won't give in.
Its completely off the table.
Often, when an urge hits, I don't pay any attention to it, ignore it, and just go on with life.
But don't worry, I'm not perfect.
I fell and m'd last night.

I've been feeling pretty lonely the past few days.

But boruch Hashem I'm still pretty clean, and most of the time my brain isn't trying to send me to m to pacify. (I never consciously went to m to soothe, I would just have sudden intense urges to m when I needed soothing).

So I guess that's something to celebrate.

Didn't fall asleep last night until around 3:30, and got up at a normal time today.
I didn't shower earlier today because I was really tired and had a small urge and was afraid that I would slip up in the shower.
Now I don't feel any taavah at all, but now I'm too tired to be able to think straight enough to figure out if it's safe for me to go now or not.
Probably won't.

Bad mood, irritable, and lonely. Didn't get sleep normally last night, and I'm vibrating with restless nervous energy.
Feeling like I'm going nuts.

So sorry to hear this. I hope tomorrow goes better.

PS Your humor in your new thread is EPIC!

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 01:04:

Literally could've written this post, exactly my story today. I even briefly considered falling. Helps to remember feelings will pass. Hang in there my friend!

Trying to numb, drugged myself the past half hour with candy crush.
The empty stimulation did its magic for a while, until I got stuck on a level.
Time for some more tricks.
Came back here to try to get some dopamine hits from replies and thank yous.

You are very quickly becoming a legend here!
You never fail to inspire me with such dedication to beat this!
Please keep posting!

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 01:58:

Brother. Thanks for sharing where you’re upto. 

Why do you think marriage will cure everything for you

Markz wrote on 08 Jan 2025 04:54:

I don't remember saying anything about marriage.

jollylemur95 wrote on 08 Jan 2025 04:41:

I wasn't having any urges tonight.
Not every bad mood or difficulty in life brings on taavah.
I wasn't trying to keep busy to keep clean.
I was trying to escape the through-the-roof nervous energy making me feel like I was going to explode caused by a toxic mix of ADHD, anxiety, and sleep deprivation.

Just feeling lonely and saying hi.

I know the feeling too well!

Us singles do experience that often. Just sitting there in bed LONELY.

I find that being out with friends can be very helpful. Weather because it distracts the feeling or because you actually aren't lonely at the time, either way it's helpful.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 09 Jan 2025 01:15:

Marrieds sometimes feel lonely too. 
Like you said friends make all the difference

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