tzadikatheart wrote on 05 Jan 2025 22:10:

So good to hear you're doing well and making some progress. Eeerie's a great guy to have in your corner. And I love that honest share at the end. Connecting ain't easy.

Re: the thing you hate to say. Totally agree. I posted somewhere on here about even dividing the 90 day chart in half where the first half is just staying clean by hook or by crook (whatever that means) and the second half is starting to work on internal change. I don't think it's even a controversial statement.

The good news is, pretty much everyone can force themselves to get that week or three clean. Just takes some wanting, commitment, and seichel.

I heard a maaseh that a bochur came to Rav Chatzkel Levenstein and confessed a serious aveira, wanting to know how to do teshuva for it.
Rav Chatzkel responded: Go to shacharis, learn by seder, and in 6 months come back to me, then we'll talk about teshuva. (I may have even posted this in response to Shem's post . . . somewhere on here).

I don't remember if it was the Vayimaein or GYE podcast (nor the Rav who said it), but they said that one can't enjoy a steak whilst still having spearmint gum in their mouth.

One point I'd like to mention is that waking up and deciding to change is not a stira to internal change taking some time.

Kol Tov

Hey, Tzaddik with whole being, that's a beautiful post!
I am awed by your avoda, and I wanted others to hear it, too. The fact that the past few days were a little weaker just tells us all that you are human, and life consists of days where things are easier and days where things are harder. Sometimes way harder
If I may ask, maybe I'm not frum enough or whatever, but the avoda that you mention does sounds a little intense to me, and it does sound like you demand a lot from yourself.I was wondering if you spoke to a rebbe that knows you well before you embarked on doing those things so intensely.
Your friend,
Eerie

eerie wrote on 06 Jan 2025 23:22:

Hi Eerie. 
So I didn't speak directly to my Rav about this. It's just an idea that is thrown around a lot often in Mussar schmoozes and Machshava, that we have to remember who we are in the presence of. When I was able to tap into that for those couple days, I really felt like a real Yid. It was really really fulfilling and it didn't feel overwhelming. I felt like I had it in a proper balance where I was acting overall normal (since that's what Hashem wants - nothing extreme) but I constantly understood and felt Hashem was with me, in a positive supportive manner. 
To be honest my Rav mainly emphasized the idea in regards to Tefillah, since that's where we are actually speaking with Him. But the idea is something I wish to expand to all parts of my life.
I'm taking it slow. But I really find it fulfilling. That's really it.