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The Start of My Freedom

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: The Start of My Freedom 1130 Views

Re: The Start of My Freedom 15 Oct 2024 04:14 #423347

tzadikatheart
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Muttel wrote on 14 Oct 2024 08:40:

tzadikatheart wrote on 14 Oct 2024 03:48:

Hi everyone.
It is with sadness that I admit that I fell today (right after Yom Kippur..)
To be honest, something pretty tragic happened to me over Yom Kippur (bh everything is OK but it stressed me a lot) and I got overwhelmed today and wanted to distract myself. Obviously I know porn and masturbation is not the answer, but I didn't feel strong enough and gave in.

But I am still happy I went a week clean with the help of you guys. I am looking forward to picking back up and fighting onwards!
Please, I can use a little Chizzuk...

definitely let’s pick up and get on the truck!

why not reach out to some of your friends here, we’d love to help!

Looking forward to hearing from you….

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

I got weak in the moment. When the Yetzer Hara hits, I don't feel like calling or reaching out. I know I should. But I just have a hard time bringing myself to do it. I'll try to be stronger next time

Re: The Start of My Freedom 15 Oct 2024 04:16 #423348

tzadikatheart
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 14 Oct 2024 11:35:

As has been written about before, Motzai Yom Kippur is a big "fall time" for many. Learning how to self regulate and "land" after all the emotion is a skill that needs training. You obviously went to your old pacifier. Ignore it and move on. You are doing great. A mountain climber who falls into a ditch does not have to roll down the hill. As he badages his scratches, he enjoys the view from the height he is at. B'ezras hashem you will climb to the top and shlep many others along with you.

Thank you for the works of encouragement HHM. I have yet to reach out to you. I think I will soon bzh... (I have your number already)

Re: The Start of My Freedom 15 Oct 2024 19:28 #423386

tzadikatheart
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tzadikatheart wrote on 15 Oct 2024 04:13:

realclean wrote on 14 Oct 2024 04:00:

Hey, I just read your story and it really resonated with me because all in all it's basically exactly the same story as me. I'm also 22 and in shidduchim and I also fell today right after Yom Kippur. Happens to be it was after a 45 day streak of no porn, which I think is the longest streak I've ever had in my life. But anyways, I don't have much chizzuk to say to you other than hey! I'm here in this too right along with you! We gotta make it out of this together!

Hey realclean, thanks so much for replying here.
You may not have any words of Chizzuk, but the fact that you're just like me is a lot of Chizzuk in and of itself!
I wanted to message you privately, but for some reason it's not working on my laptop...
I would love to get in contact with you and speak over the phone a bit. There's a chance we may even know each other, so no need to reach out if you're concerned for that! But if it's OK with you, PM me with an email or phone number... would love to talk!

Hi realclean - I saw your private message in my email inbox, but for some reason I can't respond (the page doesn't load). I think it's because I didn't unlock private chat yet (6 more days). So I apologize for not responding...

Re: The Start of My Freedom 21 Oct 2024 16:33 #423516

tzadikatheart
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Hi everyone, hope you all are having a good Yom Tov.
Truth be told, I fell yesterday...
Although it's upsetting, I am doing better overall than before I joined GYE. I'm getting through around a week clean before falling, which is less frequent than before. The connections and support helps a lot.

Just sometimes in the moment, when I'm fighting the YH, I lose the strength to reach out to guys and get Chizzuk. I lose motivation. I need to somehow keep a little fire burning even when the YH attacks.
It's like, when I have an urge, I just pashut don't care anymore about being clean. Afterwards I'm full of regret, like usual.

Re: The Start of My Freedom 21 Oct 2024 17:34 #423524

avifl OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 34 Karma: 1	It's like, when I have an urge, I just pashut don't care anymore about being clean. Afterwards I'm full of regret, like usual. I really understand that. I had that all the time, doing a few days clean, then getting an urge and just not caring. Just saying I get you

Re: The Start of My Freedom 21 Oct 2024 20:02 #423537

chosemyshem
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tzadikatheart wrote on 21 Oct 2024 16:33:

The old age problem. How can you fight when the urges attack your desire to fight?

In my limited, personal experience, just putting in the work over and over leads to being in those situations less often, and having almost habitual responses on hand for when you find yourself in those situations.

Hatzlacha!

Links: TBOTG (and a peirush); F2F Program; Hall of Fame thread; Dov's 12 Step Workshop recordings; Welcome New Members; Muttel's Bochur Schmooze; The Easy-Peasy book; The Big Book (a pdf version) (and the White); Markz's compilation thread; Accountability relationships;
Me: My trip. Please feel free to reach out.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE VAAD PROJECT. HERE is an explanation of the Project.

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 05:34 #423565

realclean OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 9 Karma: 0	Hey I fell today unfortunately as well.. still hoping to be in touch over email, please reach out! Aliglurk67@yahoo.com

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 06:05 #423566

falafel
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Hi just found this thread today, feel like I've had similar experience to yours (minus the modern orthodox backround and the urges at age 6).
I've been battling this for around 10 years, since around13, and am in shidduchim now. I really feel for you brother, and I was on the verge of tears as I read your post (and as I write this now).
I wish I had more chizuk to offer, but unfortunately I've only seen limited success. I did manage to keep clean during my 1st (7 month) stint in Israel, but then when I went home for bein hazmanim...but then stayed clean for my 2nd (5 month) stint, except for 1 day. The lack of devices and constantly "being in yeshivah" (a.k.a. just not being home) make a world of a difference.
I think for me it's more dopamine/habit
would love to help in any way I can. Hatzlacha

"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 15:03 #423578

realclean
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Hey Falafel! Your story is specifically relateble to me being that one of my main goals I wanted to achieve by going to eretz yisroel was to finally kick this issue especially right before shidduchim. In short it didn't work.... I'm home now and still trying and trying and trying every single day.
Im extremely glad (and terribly sad at the same time obviously) to see that there's more guys struggling while in shidduchim just like me.
How we getting out of this shmutz?!

Last Edit: 22 Oct 2024 15:04 by realclean.

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 16:20 #423584

tzadikatheart
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avifl wrote on 21 Oct 2024 17:34:

It's like, when I have an urge, I just pashut don't care anymore about being clean. Afterwards I'm full of regret, like usual.

I really understand that. I had that all the time, doing a few days clean, then getting an urge and just not caring.
Just saying I get you

Hey thank you for that. Honestly, it gives me a lot of Chizzuk to hear that others have the same problem as me. It helps me understand that I'm not some messed up case - I'm normal and have some issues like we all do and we're gonna solve it together.
I was speaking to Eerie a couple weeks ago and he told me the same thing - that we can't view our problems as if we're messed up. We're normal and we're great in many areas. We have one area we need to work on and it doesn't mean we're crazy.

Thank you for relating to me. Really!

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 16:26 #423585

tzadikatheart
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chosemyshem wrote on 21 Oct 2024 20:02:

tzadikatheart wrote on 21 Oct 2024 16:33:

Hey chosemyshem, thank you for reaching out! Yes bzh with more time and work I hope to be able to avoid situations like this. My habitual response needs to change!

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 16:29 #423586

tzadikatheart
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falafel wrote on 22 Oct 2024 06:05:

Well you did better than me in Israel...
yea it's really just a crazy habit we got stuck in when we were young and our brains are just pushing us to it all the time. We need to heal.
It comforts me to hear that you relate to my story. Let's fight this together

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 17:09 #423588

DeletedUser16273 OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 45 Karma: 1	Hi i just read your thread, gave me great Chizik. Keep on posting!! I can totally relate to what you have wrote. If you want a listing ear and a friend, I'm always available. From a bochur.

Re: The Start of My Freedom 22 Oct 2024 18:12 #423601

avifl
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tzadikatheart wrote on 02 Oct 2024 19:59:

I want to know- is my issue habitual or lust? If it’s lust, how do I learn to control my lust? Lust is what will kill a marriage. I need it under control.

I really recommend checking out The Fight by R' Benzion Shafier, specifically "Part 3: The Function of a Successful Marriage" where he discusses this exact point. It is a shmuz on how to deal with Taavah. Highly recommend listening to the whole series if you have the time, (it really helped me grow in this area), but if not, at least part 3. I think you will like it.
Here is the link
theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Keep fighting, hashem loves you!! And we do too!!