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Anyone tried this and succeeded?
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TOPIC: Anyone tried this and succeeded? 911 Views

Re: Anyone tried this and succeeded? 26 Sep 2024 00:57 #422374

  • yitzchokm
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redfaced wrote on 25 Sep 2024 18:32:

youknowwho wrote on 25 Sep 2024 18:29:

imagibbor wrote on 25 Sep 2024 18:03:
It’s 57 (now 58) days free from watching. I’m still viewing images. Masturbating has slowed down, but I still have a ways to go. Again, the difference for me in this mehalach is that I finally was able to break out of the identity that I had for myself. I was never truly able to tell myself that I am not a guy who watches porn. Now, with this small but significant step, I can truly say that I’m not a guy who watches porn. For right now, I still identify as a guy who looks at porn images, and that identification of myself allows me to go there whenever the urge is strong, but since I don’t identify as someone who watches porn, no matter how strong the desire is for me to view sexual content, I will never allow myself back into that world of watching porn 

Hi imagibbor!

I don't remember if I've ever formally introduced myself, but I have been reading your thread with some interest. Because, although no two people are the same, it does seem that I tried something pretty similar to what you are doing now. Please allow me to share some of what I experienced, in the hope that perhaps you or others may find within it a grain of insight. 

When I joined GYE, watching porn/cam sites was definitely the number one thing I was desperate to stop. And I had sufficiently hit rock bottom emotionally, as well as having seen a clearly dangerous progression. So, I went ahead and stopped porn cold turkey. Easy Peasy Method helped a lot, and I really did not feel much of a struggle. 

But I still occasionally indulged in inappropriate imagery, albiet non-porngrphic. 

What happened was, (and again, this is just me, lav davka it will happen to you, I sure hope it doesn't!) that while I was clean from porn for almost a year, it slowly slid back. 

First, it was images, (less than a k'zayis)
Than, some more images (less than k'day achilas prass)
Than it started with pornogrphic audio (still nothing visual)
And than, a big crack...my first tiny porn clip. But it wasn't mammash anything, I managed to quickly close it and tell myself, "blech, this is horrible, don't need it or want it. I am not a porn watcher".

Fast forward a few more months to the present. I am no longer a non porn-watcher. It's kind of geshmak, too. I think for me personally, I've learned that the only way forward is to really get serious about guarding my eyes...as much as I hate to say it. 

Am I ready for it? A painful, seering question that depends on how miserable I am feeling. Hopefully, with the tools and friendship's I have gained from here, I can get there too. 

This is, once again, just a personal share, something I have been thinking about recently and wanted to share it with you. 

If you manage to use this mehalich to grow with a steady upwards trajectory, that's amazing! And even if, chalilah you don't...there will still be a lot of gains, because you are proving to yourself that you have what it takes to do the right thing. 

With hope for you and for all of us, may we merit to achieve our goals and dreams, bs''d!

-YKW

Dont make me post my challenge b'rabim....

Reading The Red Face you never had a challenge to post about.
Last Edit: 26 Sep 2024 00:57 by yitzchokm.

Re: Anyone tried this and succeeded? 26 Sep 2024 01:05 #422375

  • yitzchokm
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Do you have a vision of reaching a point of no P&M, or anything else prohibited? Do you have an outline of your next step and when you are going to take it? Also, as long as you are masturbating you are not going to be able to get too far. It is only when you break that threshold that you are going to start experiencing real freedom. Do you have a known series of steps to take until you are willing to work on masturbation? I think that once you start working on M you are going to have to quit everything so it is just that you are delaying the real work which you are going to have to face at some point anyway in order to break free. I am not trying to discourage you from following your plan but I am saying that your plan has to take these steps into account.

Re: Anyone tried this and succeeded? 26 Sep 2024 03:19 #422390

  • imagibbor
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Thank you for your insight. 
while our mehalchim have similarities, I believe they are very different. Your way was to stop cold turkey, and then you found yourself gradually inching back to where you were before. My way is the opposite in a sense. I am not stopping cold turkey; just cutting out 1 step (at a time). I’m going the opposite direction. You kept on inching back. You said by each stage, “just this step and I won’t go any further”. I am saying “just this step not. This stage I will never go back to”. 
and again, as you said (and me as well), we each have to do what works for us. If something didn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean it won’t work for me. 
i have in the past done a few things, come to certain realizations and thoughts, where I felt that I was truly done porn for good. But in those situations, I went back to it. This mehalach feels different. It’s hard to put into words, but it feels like it really worked (for this small step that I took). I really feel that i won’t ever get back to that again- even in my weakest moments.

Re: Anyone tried this and succeeded? 26 Sep 2024 14:03 #422424

  • youknowwho
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Hi Reb Gibbor,

I understand the difference you are trying to make.

However, I would like to point out a nekudah that may not have been clear in the original post.

I too felt a very profound identity shift, where I felt “I am not a porn watcher”. I also said “this? Never again” This held on, not for 60 days, but almost a year. With great pride and confidence.

The point is less about what the actual identity shift is. For me, the red line was genitalia. But I still indulged in objectifying the female body.

For you, the red line is “moving genitalia”, while stationary images are fine.

Wherever one draws the line, the point is this:

As long as I am not guarding my eyes in every sense of the word (to the best of my abilities, without fanatic “nerven”, of course   ) that means I am still objectifying women, and feeding that objectification. It may also mean that I am continuing to perpetuate a cycle of feeding my drug, for that is the very effect that lust has on the mind, it is about misusing the natural proclivity to be attracted to females for the purposes inherent in marriage by using it as a drug to self-medicate uncomfortable feelings.

For me, and again, I can only speak for myself, I realized that as long as I am still engaged in objectifying and self-medicating, there can be no real recovery.

I am not bringing this out for the purpose of saying that it has to work the same way for you. I am simply pointing out that there is indeed a very identical approach here, that crash and burned for me. That identity shift that I was very confident and comfortable with for a very long time slowly crumbled, because lust was still my drug of choice.
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