Trying to stop the masterbation. It’s a struggle 

I was advised to try edging without actually releasing. But it doesn’t work. 

--

My therapist 

I’d like to share an update on where things stand with my new mehalach. 
BH I haven’t watched porn in 57 days!! I don’t think I’ve ever gone that long with the amount of access that I have. 
i thank everyone for their insights and opinions, really really. A bunch of people thought this mehalach wasn’t a good idea in the long run. And yes, it’s only been a few months. But for the first time in my life, I can honestly say “I don’t watch porn”. For 10 years, I would watch prom, think that I’d hit rock bottom, and then go through the same thing again after a day or a week or a month. I never was able to break out of the “identity” of “someone who watches porn”. Internally, I never got out of that. I always knew I would go back to it one day. 
with this new mehalach that I made for myself, I truly feel like I’m not a guy who watches porn anymore. I can’t say anything for sure, but I really see a reality inside of me that I will never go back into the world of watching porn. 
some people were scared that I would take a step back in my self control of watching pictures. I can say that that’s true. I did take a step back with that. But in my moments of weakness, I proved to myself that I can still excessive self control. And I convinced myself 100 percent. I am a changed person. 
man’s while this is not the end of the road, I feel like I have something that works for me . Maybe this isn’t a good idea for everyone, but for me this worked. I was able to grow with my weaknesses. I was able to break out of something that I thought I would never ever be able to do. 
i think we all need to do what works for us individually. Sometimes that may be unconventional. But if we are really seeing true growth and change of perspective, then we should go with it even if people think it won’t work in the long run

I’d like to share an update on where things stand with my new mehalach. 
BH I haven’t watched porn in 57 days!! I don’t think I’ve ever gone that long with the amount of access that I have. 
i thank everyone for their insights and opinions, really really. A bunch of people thought this mehalach wasn’t a good idea in the long run. And yes, it’s only been a few months. But for the first time in my life, I can honestly say “I don’t watch porn”. For 10 years, I would watch prom, think that I’d hit rock bottom, and then go through the same thing again after a day or a week or a month. I never was able to break out of the “identity” of “someone who watches porn”. Internally, I never got out of that. I always knew I would go back to it one day. 
with this new mehalach that I made for myself, I truly feel like I’m not a guy who watches porn anymore. I can’t say anything for sure, but I really see a reality inside of me that I will never go back into the world of watching porn. 
some people were scared that I would take a step back in my self control of watching pictures. I can say that that’s true. I did take a step back with that. But in my moments of weakness, I proved to myself that I can still excessive self control. And I convinced myself 100 percent. I am a changed person. 
man’s while this is not the end of the road, I feel like I have something that works for me . Maybe this isn’t a good idea for everyone, but for me this worked. I was able to grow with my weaknesses. I was able to break out of something that I thought I would never ever be able to do. 
i think we all need to do what works for us individually. Sometimes that may be unconventional. But if we are really seeing true growth and change of perspective, then we should go with it even if people think it won’t work in the long run

It’s 57 (now 58) days free from watching. I’m still viewing images. Masturbating has slowed down, but I still have a ways to go. Again, the difference for me in this mehalach is that I finally was able to break out of the identity that I had for myself. I was never truly able to tell myself that I am not a guy who watches porn. Now, with this small but significant step, I can truly say that I’m not a guy who watches porn. For right now, I still identify as a guy who looks at porn images, and that identification of myself allows me to go there whenever the urge is strong, but since I don’t identify as someone who watches porn, no matter how strong the desire is for me to view sexual content, I will never allow myself back into that world of watching porn 

imagibbor wrote on 25 Sep 2024 18:03:

Hi imagibbor!

I don't remember if I've ever formally introduced myself, but I have been reading your thread with some interest. Because, although no two people are the same, it does seem that I tried something pretty similar to what you are doing now. Please allow me to share some of what I experienced, in the hope that perhaps you or others may find within it a grain of insight. 

When I joined GYE, watching porn/cam sites was definitely the number one thing I was desperate to stop. And I had sufficiently hit rock bottom emotionally, as well as having seen a clearly dangerous progression. So, I went ahead and stopped porn cold turkey. Easy Peasy Method helped a lot, and I really did not feel much of a struggle. 

But I still occasionally indulged in inappropriate imagery, albiet non-porngrphic. 

What happened was, (and again, this is just me, lav davka it will happen to you, I sure hope it doesn't!) that while I was clean from porn for almost a year, it slowly slid back. 

First, it was images, (less than a k'zayis)
Than, some more images (less than k'day achilas prass)
Than it started with pornogrphic audio (still nothing visual)
And than, a big crack...my first tiny porn clip. But it wasn't mammash anything, I managed to quickly close it and tell myself, "blech, this is horrible, don't need it or want it. I am not a porn watcher".

Fast forward a few more months to the present. I am no longer a non porn-watcher. It's kind of geshmak, too. I think for me personally, I've learned that the only way forward is to really get serious about guarding my eyes...as much as I hate to say it. 

Am I ready for it? A painful, seering question that depends on how miserable I am feeling. Hopefully, with the tools and friendship's I have gained from here, I can get there too. 

This is, once again, just a personal share, something I have been thinking about recently and wanted to share it with you. 

If you manage to use this mehalich to grow with a steady upwards trajectory, that's amazing! And even if, chalilah you don't...there will still be a lot of gains, because you are proving to yourself that you have what it takes to do the right thing. 

With hope for you and for all of us, may we merit to achieve our goals and dreams, bs''d!

-YKW

It’s 57 (now 58) days free from watching. I’m still viewing images. Masturbating has slowed down, but I still have a ways to go. Again, the difference for me in this mehalach is that I finally was able to break out of the identity that I had for myself. I was never truly able to tell myself that I am not a guy who watches porn. Now, with this small but significant step, I can truly say that I’m not a guy who watches porn. For right now, I still identify as a guy who looks at porn images, and that identification of myself allows me to go there whenever the urge is strong, but since I don’t identify as someone who watches porn, no matter how strong the desire is for me to view sexual content, I will never allow myself back into that world of watching porn