While perusing through the "Introduce Yourself" forum posts, I see the same thing over and over again. Something to effect of "During my teenage years while away Yeshiva, I had occasional falls, mostly during Bein Hazmanim where I had too much accessibility"... Seeing this trend over and over, is telling us that we need to do something about it!

Perhaps every Yeshiva should send home a letter to parents via mail, email and text, explaining the tremendous growth that their son likely had during the zman and the potential pitfalls associated with an unfiltered device in the house. Stressing that any unfiltered deice in the house is a michshal and strongly encouraging the parents to make the house technology-safe. Everyone knows that they need to be doing this anyway, but getting such a warning that their Talmid chacham son is coming home for a month, can serve as an extra impetus to actually do it and be extra sensitive for the time he's home.

It sounds so pashut, but only because on GYE we have the vantage point of seeing how much damage this is causing. Any thoughts on the matter? Are Yeshivos already doing this? If not, how would we go about creating awareness among Yeshiva leaders? 

siyatta wrote on 07 Aug 2024 17:43:

Great Q. 

I'm happy to chip in for a nice big ad in Hamodia/Mishpacha/wherever saying this if it'll have a toeles (or make some hock).

Brilliant! And the yeshiva can also give it out to the guys so they can show their parents, if necessary. Very subtle..

Great question, but If you don't mind, I'm gonna suggest a different approach. In my personal opinion, letters from the yeshiva/magazines sent out in a general way have little to no impact. If bochrim really want to make a difference at home, they have to approach their parents themselves. they don't have to say they have a problem, rather that they don't want to take any chances of seeing anything by mistake (aka popups). A more practical approach as I see it would be to get the rebbeim in yeshivas to push bochrim to do this. the bochrim will listen to the rebbeim, and the parents will listen to the bochrim. There is no sure fire way to get anything to work, but this is what I think might work (I could be wrong, and your idea could be better). As an aside, I am coming from a home that has filters on the devices, but that never was able to stop me. Filters are a very useful tool, but they only work if the person is not trying to get around them/really wants to stop.
All the best, and hatzlacha raba in everything that you do.
Ezra W.

P.S. If you anyone has any comments or questions, I'd love to hear back from people

Welcome, @ezraw!

Glad to see a new member engaging with posts and comments. Would you like to consider starting your own thread? If you're comfortable, feel free to share your story. You may be pleasantly surprised by the support and encouragement you'll receive.

GYE is a family and we genuinely enjoy getting to know each member, as much as we can on an anonymous forum. If you're up for it, you can reach out to others and build connections. Connection is the opposite of addiction!

Looking forward to get to know you!

Yiftach'l

Thanks for the welcome! I am planning on sharing my story at some point over bein hazmanim. Those words of connection is the opposite of addiction are so true, and that's exactly what I came here to do. Connect with others who have the same struggles as me. Looking forward to sharing my journy with you gyes and the rest of the GYE fam!

My oldest son recently called before Bein Hazmanim and awkwardly mentioned a loophole in the filter on one of the family devices, (that I was not aware of), that he asked me to take care of before he came home. 

He then said, “It was hard for me to make this call, so please try to take care of this and all similar things, going forward”.

I promised that I would. And I did. Gave me Nachas but also a pachad… 

I daven all the time that my kids shouldn’t have to go through what I did… 

chaimoigen wrote on 14 Aug 2024 02:25:

this is the scariest thing ever,
did you have a conversation with him how he found the "loophole"? what he saw? what about the other loophole, you dont know about?
seems like this was on his mind the whole zman.

hope im not being disresectful to you Reb CO

cande

I wish you luck R' CO. I give him a lot of credit for making the phone call. He must of had a good chinuch and good relationship with his father. Good for you, not all sons would feel comfortable doing this (though he said it awkwardly, he did it).

cande wrote on 14 Aug 2024 13:03:

To my dear sweetest friend R Cande,

Boruch Hashem, I have a very close relationship with my son. So he has called me to talk about Eitzos for Shmiras Enayim, and how to deal with summers and the street and stuff. He’s a special Bochur, a true Ben Aliya and love him like crazy.  I didn’t go into specifics with him, that wouldn’t have been a toeles. But a few years ago, I did help him get in touch with someone to talk about some specifics, when he needed to. 

I’m doing the best I can about loopholes. The family computer is in a public place, with a strong filter etc. There’s a router-based filter, as well. Of course, filters only do so much, as we all unfortunately know. I try to talk to them and be open, and create positive attitudes and perspectives. And try to deal with whatever else is bothering them too. Doing the best I can, sometimes I mess up too. Ask my wife ! But I’m trying.  Guess the best I can try to do is what Hashem wants from me. My kids have Bechira, too….

BH, we are doing a pretty good job of being open, while avoiding the super-squirmy conversations that wouldn’t be good for the relationship..

So this is where it dies?
Is anyone doing anything with siyatta's idea?

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 26 Aug 2024 22:00:

Grassroots is the way to go.

Start with your Rosh Yeshiva.Let me know what he says

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 26 Aug 2024 22:00:

Chaver,
Why not share your thoughts about it?
Looking forward to hearing what you have to say, from a current bochur's perspective.

I'm switching yeshivos this zeman, so I'm definitely not going to start off by giving the hanhalah my grand ideas.
My father's part of the hanhalah in the yeshiva I was in, and he's the one who deals with these inyanim there. I'd forward this suggestion to him, but he has no clue that I'm on this site or why I'm here. He's involved with an organization that has people in  many yeshivos. They're there to have a shaychas with the bochrim, be mechazek them, and help out with all sorts of issues —from stam sof-zman burnout to mental health issues to inyanei kedusha. So, that might be a better place to send the idea to. LMK what you think.

legabay what? how bochurim would take to hearing such things from their rebbeim?

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 26 Aug 2024 22:00:

Do you struggle with porn addiction? Are you looking for help?