stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 11 Sep 2024 17:44:

Since SSSL doesn't seem to be on at the moment - I just want to mention that this perhaps isn't what he means?

Obviously, you aren't deliberately going back to masturbation after getting married - be that the typical way or the way where your wife is involved but your goal is still your own pleasure and release.

I believe he may mean you are telling your physical tayvos that they have no place, even muttar, to be released. After marriage, there is a place for physical tayvos, but not the same kind you have before being married.

There is a lot more to say, but much of it might be a more appropriate conversation to have with a personal mentor in marital intimacy when the time is right.

Kol Tov

A great post to check out summing up something important for us bachurim to know:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/283743-Comparing-my-body-to-others?limit=15&start=45#395975

    I suggest talking to HHM for an amazing shift in how you view sex. I don't know if I should type it out here but basically it's a thing of kedusha which can get corrupted if abused.

I cant type out something that needs to be heard

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Though the answer to the following question is probably pretty simple I would like to see how the Geonim over here put it down:

Almost every married guy on the forum seems to say that marriage doesn't help for the battle, so why is it that the gemara seems to say that we should not sit around single as not to fall from our taavos?

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 06 Nov 2024 23:50:

This is actually a great question so long as our brains are twisted in our perception of what marriage is all about. 

If one is zoiche to enter marriage after he already got clean or {as is the case for most of us} after completing the process of getting clean during our marriage, he gets the correct view of what marriage really is about which is achieving true intimacy, now once you've really achieved that, "lust" fades away and yes marriage the correct way can be a savior.

I don't think that chazal is telling us to use our wives as sex feeders, they just really knew what marriage is and really should be, they're telling us to get married, = true intimacy, not to get a girl friend = sex toy.

But the bottom line is that in order to get out of marriage what we should be getting out of it, we should really get clean and untwist our brains of wrong definitions as to what women are all about, and mainly what marriage is all about.

Now I'm not saying not to get married before you're clean, that's different for every individual, and should probably be asked about maybe from HHM, but we should definitely try to at least be on the right path.

With love akiva 

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 06 Nov 2024 23:50:

In a nutshell, I would say that marriage can help, but it's not a solution.

    I'm single but I'll try to answer it. Please correct me if I am wrong bc I don't have experience, just my thoughts on the matter.

    I would 1st interpret it that it's intended for people that haven't fallen for their taavos already.
    Alternatively, once you get married and have the right midset about how to portray the sexual side of the relationship as a thing of intimacy and not lust then it probably helps with taavos. If you are still lust ridden and you use sex as a thing to fill your taavos then it will actually become worse bc you are now introduced to another dimension of the taavah.
    There's also the fact that there's another person involved which you are hurting by doing these things and it  an make the person feel as of they have to shape up. I dont think that's the usual case of what happens.
    So I would say that yes it will help if you have the proper tools on how to deal with new forms of lust. Also you will hopefully feel less lonely which is sometimes a cause for an urge bc your brain trys to make us think that lust will fill the void when it will only expand it.

I hope I made sense and I'm sure I'm missing points. I cant wait to meet my wife and be free of lust so that I can be a loving husband fully devoted to her and our future family bezras Hashem.
The main point is that Lust≠Intimacy which in affect kills Intimacy.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Marriage is a solution for the infrequent masturbator. Guys who tend to masturbate once in a while (or who don't actually masturbate, but are constantly overcome by urges due to their mistaken belief that one must ejaculate at specific intervals), find that marriage provides kosher release often enough that they can break the habit, and not feel constant pressure staying clean. Obviously the goal is not that the wife should become a kosher masturbation tool; but the reality is that the fellow now can relieve his imagined "need" to release once in a while.

On the other hand, marriage is not at all a solution for pornography or obsessive masturbation. Optimal marital sex and pornographic sex barely resemble each other. This can be compared to two trains heading in opposite directions passing through the station at the same time. For a split second they are parallel; that's it. Regular sex will simply not satisfy the endless thirst that pornography creates. This is of course due to the fact that pornographic sex will never satisfy anyone. The expected geshmak never comes - guys have to realize that the actors and actresses are hired to brainwash. The constant fake smiling creates a false message that this and this action give unbelievable pleasure. Baloney. Ask any happily married person. An emotional embrace with warm conversation - even with the clothes on - is worth millions more than the most erotic ejaculation.