Hey guys. I’ve been falling a lot recently and am not feeling too great about my chances of success. I’ve been struggling for almost half my life and I just want to be free so badly. Sometimes I think the urge for p and m is more than my urge to want to break free. Anyway I just had a fall in p and m and would love some advice, support, encouragement or whatever you have to offer. Thanks!

Dear Scott,

I want to share what comes to mind when reading your post:

You seem to want to quit. You came here, made and account, and took the brave step of posting a bit about yourself. The urge for P/M sometimes blinds you to this deep desire of yours to live a clean life. That is natural, as the heat of the temptations blind you to what is really important to you.

Nobody wants their matzievah to read:

"Scott Harvath
Beloved father, devoted husband, loving son,
Liked golf and loved Gemara,
But spent much of his time on what he loved most- consuming copious amounts of internet porn".

Not to say that your family would write that even if they knew. I'm simply using an absurd mashal to make the point that when push comes to shove, this is not something that you find important, meaningful or enriching in any substantive way...

Perhaps make a pros and cons list of these habits. Maybe a brief mission statement for your life and see whether P/M furthers any of your boarder goals or perhaps hinders them. These are all ways of attaining clarity and motivation. 

And then comes the hard work of implementation. But let's not jump ahead of ourselves....

Glad that you're here, hoping to see more of your story on here. Feel free to connect via PM at any time!

All the best,
OivedElokim

Shalom Scott,
What were your thoughts to the responses you got on your previously posted threads?

Whatever access you have to P, have you considered a filter or removal of that stumbling block?

Hatzlacha