I'm 68 yrs old, married with kids n grandkids and a fine upstanding member of my frum community, but have been living this secret life of P&M strip clubs etc for over 50 years.

For most of my married life I thought my out of control behavior was due to my crummy marriage, but I've learned that I don't need more self control, I don't need more inner strength, rather what i need is more acceptance of life and my situation as being perfect for me. I am learning that I use P&M as a solution to the other problems and challenges in my life.
There is unresolved loneliness  - I easily can solve that with chat rooms. 
There is tension from responsibility - I can easily resolve that by escaping to a lap dance.
For so long I felt that my lousy life entitled me to do these things but with reading, counselling and a good therapist I'm coming around to realize that acceptance of lifes difficulties is a much better path and choice and deflates the feelings that used to ride within me.

Understanding that statement that  P&M is not the problem , but the solution has helped me to come here for help, guidance, support and accountability.

That you for all that you do and bring to this group.

I'll do my best to keep you posted about my journey. 

​

You are an awesome inspiration to me.
I love your honesty and self awareness, the title post ,and ur username!
Welcome.

Is it really THE solution? or is it just an Advil?!

@baalteshuvawannabee, welcome, and well said.
Have you ever read or listened to Gabor Maté's work?
He speaks a lot on the subject of addiction and how's it's not the problem but rather the perceived solution.

The fact that you have come to the realization, that it's the solution and not the problem, will you save a lot of heartache. Usually it takes a long time until one comes to this conclusion. He spends time mustering strength in trying to overpower the YH, which he can't for any significant amount of time, because he hasn't addressed the underlying issue. Hatzlacha in identifying the real core issue(s), and even more Hatzlacha in addressing them successfully.

Thank you.
I hope I'm ready for the long haul of this journey.
hopefully GYE will give me the place to reach out for help, assistance, guidance and support which is something I really haven't had until now.

i was relying on my hopeful inner conviction unaware that so much of my acting out was the result of felling disconnected from relationship because of my wifes negative attitudes and blaming her when it was my frustration of not getting what i wanted.......she was just the distraction so I shouldn't blame myself.

Reading yours and other peoples posts is therapeutic but having the opportunity to share my situation, my feelings and my life with others seems to be making a difference.

Together we can proudly say we are trying to be better. Yay for that!

You've joined with a bang, and you've correctly identified the most powerful tool on GYE. The help, assistance, guidance and support that you will find in this family (yes, I said family, there's no other way to describe it) is unrivaled anywhere. The people here on this forum will understand you so well, not judge you, respect you for the fight you're fighting and for your honesty and vulnerability. When you are ready, please do yourself and reach out to our Rebbe HaRav HHM. He will be able to give you the impetus to kick start your journey and ultimately lead you to the path of complete sobriety. Once you reach out to him, read through some of the other threads of some of our "great men". Find one that resonates, and get to know the Oilam! Hatzlacha!