When I’m alone and feel a strong urge, my mind tells me to do something “small, not that bad” rather then keeping the urge there and upping the game so to speak to something much worse. Yes when I hold back my mind keeps thinking of worse things but if I take care of the urge I will hate myself for a bit but the worse things would go away until next time. So is it the Yetzer Tov or the Yetzer hara?? Thanks and bisuros tovos to all. 

I was asking myself the same thing

I would have thought it depends what the "small, not that bad"-thing is, no?
Could you give us an example?

PaulONeill21 wrote on 20 Jun 2024 07:09:

Shalom Paul and welcome!

One is permitted to commit a smaller issur in order to avoid their own guaranteed bigger issur (eg remove dough from an oven on Shabbos (that they put there) so at least it doesn't bake into bread CV). I don't know if this counts here - as it's not guaranteed (perhaps with the exception of real addicts that have mamash lost their bechira after a certain point). 

Regarding dealing with these urges, I know what you mean but I will defer to our chachamim. Feed it and it will grow hungrier. When you hold back the thoughts get worse. Try not to think about it and try not to not think about it either. Both will result in you thinking about it. Try to find something consistent to think about or do in these situations that will distract your mind from it completely. 

You already have the ability to refrain from the "worse" things, and IYH you will find a healthy and dependable way to continue to push off those without needing the minor issurim. My apologies if my assumption of "not that bad" meaning still an issur is incorrect.

Hatzlacha!

Also, it's possible that even if you end up doing the worse thing, if you fight for awhile beforehand it may make you stronger for the future (and it may have value in and of itself)
Not sure about this, but maybe

This is a great question, but honestly beyond the scope of this forum.

You need an experienced an knowledgeable Rabbi who knows you and your history of acting out and, who knows and understands what the the "small thing" is and what the "worse thing" is.

He also needs to understand recovery and to know if allowing the "small thing" in the short term will help you get better in the long term or if it's an excuse to indulge in the "small thing" and will only make things worse in the long term (fwiw my gut says the latter is true).

Then he can call the halachik and recovery psak of if you should do the small thing or not. I don't know. It may be permissible or not but it's a heavy question.

This isn't something a blanket rule can be given for on an anonymous forum.

(Standard disclaimer: This is just my opinion. Take it or leave it.)

Thank you! As far as falling for something bigger, yes the envelop has actually been pushed further and further, I’m using this as a tactic to not get that far as the feeling is more awful the further I go. As for examples that someone asked, I really don’t need to put ideas into other people’s minds but believe me it’s upping the game from just looking at something then getting off. 

PaulONeill21 wrote on 20 Jun 2024 17:01:

The nature of a real lust problem is that what's been satisfying you doesn't quite do it anymore and you find yourself pushed to more extreme behaviors. Just from this one sentence, and from seeing that you posted that you've been dealing with some level of the struggle for a very long time, perhaps it's time to step up the fight.
Obviously, I don't know what you're dealing with. But have you ever considered 12 steps?

Thanks @benhashem for example, אביזריהו דעריות יהרג ואל יעבור

Just asking: Is this not so bad thing the only available  distraction?
Just thinking: The point here is not only about an end result, every minute that you hold back from giving in, your doing a huge mitzvah and making a tremendous Nachos ruach for hakudesh burich hu. (even if you end up falling).
All the best, keep fighting!

Hi Paul! 
As a general rule, rationalizations to do things wrong are coming from the YH. Like Cripsy said, there are tools and techniques that can be tried. Have you seen the F2F program? have you spoken to any of the guys here? There are many tools available. Not all of them work for everyone, but please stick around, look around, see what works for you.
And please share it with us! 
Keep trucking!