chaimoigen wrote on 06 Jun 2024 03:43:

Thats not what was said... He said that people that never had an addiction are heroes but people that are dealing with it even succeeding (such as himself) are not heroes. Not that my opinion means much, but I would definitely pasken like HHM on this. Bmakom shetzaddikim gemurim omdim etc. Also, logically someone who has a bigger test and then passes is a hero. See gemora about r elazar ben durdaya...

bright wrote on 20 Jul 2023 05:16:

I responded:
Ok, here goes. 
I would like to explain what I think is Cordnoy's essential point, by way of the following illustration. And I want to emphasize, in advance that this does not negate the valuable points made by Eerie and others. In fact, I have joined on the cheerleading squad, a lot of the time. But there's a different aspect that I think is worth bringing out. Please listen to my story.

I had the opportunity to speak this week with a special Bochur who just turned 16. He's a really cute kid, upbeat, with a lot of energy. He has a lot of friends, always has a sparkle in his clear blue eyes. He has worked very hard at becoming a real Masmid; the guys in Yeshiva look up to him, younger Bochurim try to be like him. Finished one Mesechta this summer, finished chazering another, said a few Chaburos. Played ball too.  He was talking to me about how to avoid Nisyonos in the summer. He's careful. Stays away from devices, won't borrow a smartphone. He stopped watching along when his sisters are allowed to watch the occasional movie during vacations, because he knows that seeing the pretty girls in the (clean) movies are not good for him. Tries to be careful when walking in streets that are filled with images that are hard to avoid, and he's normal. So he tries to stay in yeshiva. All of these are his own choices, his own growth. He has talked to me about certain situations have made him feel uncomfortable, and asked for advice on how to avoid them. We have talked about wet dreams, and how to deal with them. Before and after.  

He has a Yetzer Hora. He is a red-blooded boy, surging with hormones. But he is beating the Yetzer Hora the very best way possible. By exerting a lot of energy to stay out of the fight. He lives in a world of Abaya and Rav, Chazering Shiur and saying Chabura, trying to develop a taste in Davening. When something makes him feel uncomfortable, in a way that's connected to sexuality, he forces himself to talk about it with his Rebbe or even his father, if his rebbe is busy. Even though his face turns red with embarrassment, he wants the advice. And he takes it, even if its hard for him to do [e.g.- not hanging out in the Mikva with some of his friends, even though they kidded him about it and he was embarrassed]. Because he wants to be big and pure and holy and to become all that he hopes to become. a truly great and holy Oived Hashem, Talmid Chochom and Tzadik. I hope and Daven that he will get there, and I think he will, with Siyata Dishmaya. 

He has no idea that his older brother also talks to me. Less often. The older bochur is also very special. Big Masmid, special boy. But a few years ago he figured out how to manipulate a loophole in the family computer and learned about porn. And now every time he is near a computer and alone late at night (which happens a lot because he learns until VERY late and there are computers everywhere) he struggles not to go and figure out how to get online [even though the loophole has been blocked, by his eventual request]. Boruch Hashem, I think he is doing well in his personal Milchoma. But he has a hard time. He recently had a long conversation with me about Bein Hazamnim, Shmiras HaEnyaim. I gave him everything I had, every tool I have to fight. He is incredible, I hold of him so much. But he struggles in a different place than his younger brother. He sometimes get depressed, wakes up late, walks around moody..... Ya'll know what I'm talking about, even if he doesn't know that I know, right? He's gonna be ok, more than ok, actually. He's going to be a Tzadik and a Talmid Chochom, with Siyata Dishmaya

Both of these young men are fighters. Both have a strong, normal, Yetzer Hora. The younger is in a place of greater purity. I am not the Kail Dayos. I won't presume to know who gets more Schar.      

I love both of these boys with a love that is more than love. Because they are my sons.
I love them equally, empathize with their struggles, revel in their accomplishments and am suffused with Nachas when I think about them, when I learn with them. I thank Hashem for them and I Daven for them every day. I think they are amazing. I Daven that Hashem save them from the Yetzer Hora. They are both better than me. But, contrary to what Chazal say, I am deeply, heartbreakingly, achingly jealous of my younger son. I wish I had stayed off the battlefield like him and I wish his older brother had done so, too.

I think Cordnoy is talking about my younger son.

P.S. I do not mean to take away the Madreiga of a Baal Teshuva. Or the Madreiga of Kol HaGadol MeChaveiro etc. All the points made are valid. And I, personally, live daily with the hope of being Misakein my many errors and converting them to Zachiyos one day, with Hashem's continuing goodness to me, in His Rachamim and Chessed.
But it's probably worthwhile to realize that Rabi Eliezer Ben Durdaya was probably not on a higher Madreiga than Rabbeinu HaKadosh, tremendous Madreiga aside [yes, I am familiar with what the Baal HaTanya writes in his Maamar on Rosh Hashana]. See Maharsha AZ 10b who says Rebbe cried because, although REBD was Koneh Olamo in Shaah Achas, he could have been so much greater had he been Koneh Olamo in Kamah Shanim...  

See the Ramban שמות פרק כד פסוק ה 
ועל דרך הפשט נערי בני ישראל הם בחורי ישראל שלא טעמו טעם חטא, שלא נגשו אל אשה מעולם, כי הם הנבחרים בעם והקדושים בהם, כענין שאמרו (ברכות מג:) עתידין בחורי ישראל שלא טעמו טעם חטא ליתן ריח כלבנון וכו'

I love both of these boys with a love that is more than love. Because they are my sons.
I love them equally, empathize with their struggles, revel in their accomplishments and am suffused with Nachas when I think about them, when I learn with them. I thank Hashem for them and I Daven for them every day. I think they are amazing. I Daven that Hashem save them from the Yetzer Hora. They are both better than me. But, contrary to what Chazal say, I am deeply, heartbreakingly, achingly jealous of my younger son. I wish I had stayed off the battlefield like him and I wish his older brother had done so, too.