Hi all,
I acknowledge that I am a SA, it’s hard not to as the evidence is compelling.  However, I am really struggling to accept it. Why me? Why is it fair on my wife and kids to be attached to such a loser? Why did Hashem let it get to this? Etc etc. I know that asking these questions isn’t helpful in the slightest, and presumably the only answer is emuna.  But, how have other people dealt with this? How have you made sense of this? 
thank you in advance 

There's a pump-up answer something along the lines of Hashem put me in here because it'll help me grow the most, He still loves me, I'm still a tzadik, even though I have this one problem it doesn't negate everything else I do and my many positive qualities, this is a "normal" problem, etc. etc. (The highly recommended book,  The battle of the generation, is chock-full of helpful, cheerful, inspiring things like that.)

It's hard for me to give that pump-up answer because I don't really feel it. I also feel like I managed to screw myself up into someone pretty messed up. At low times I feel disgusted with myself.
What works for me is to not think about the past at all. However I got here, and however low "here" is, all I gotta do right now is pull myself out of the hole however I can. That's it. 

One of the best answers i have heard and i believe it helps me is that people that have a big neshama and somehting great is expected of them, they have more nisyonos.

Because their souls are more sensitive and they perceive more then a lot of other people. 

So every time you feel that you wanna take another look or turn around, think that something great is expected of you. 
You are not just another Johnny that nobody cares about and whose actions dont really matter, NO! You are a huge person and you can change the things with your actions. So choose wisely. 

@Chancy I knew we could count on you for the emesdik and super pumping answer

Thank you, you gave me energy for more....

ONe should never think of himself as a loser for having nisyones! The Holy Baal Ha'Tanya has a whole Maamer on this. 
He says that there are some people who came down on this world to fight! This is their mission. And by doing that, they weaken the powers of the YH and the Tuma in this and other worlds. Look it up its amazing. 

And besides, who says other people are better? Because they dont have 'this' desire? 
What about Lashan Hara? its a terrible sin! As bad as the worst three sins together! You dont see people walking around thinking to themself they are terrible because they badmouth everyone! How come? I dont know, but we care about our neshama, we do! 

Bam! Go with your head held high (your eyes cast down) and know that you are a holy tzaddik just for the fact that you wanna fight and dont wanna do this forever! That makes you a holy tzaddik! and if you will continue fighting on all fronts you will win!!!

In SA meetings I introduce myself as a Grateful Sexaholic. I am Grateful that I am a sexaholic.
The blessings I have received in recovery, the self awareness and perseverance it has brought out, the tools of acceptance and surrender 
AND THE FRIENDS OF GYE are all SOME of the things I wouldn't have had had I been a regular guy.
Thank You Hashem for the package deal!

I am sorry about the pain and confusion. The real answer to this question, the one and only knows, and we little people will never be able to get the full picture of why this is happening to us.

On a side note, why do you consider yourself a loser by accepting it? Just the opposite, this realization was the best thing that happened to me. Once I accepted that I am addicted, I turned all my fighting gear towards this enemy, followed some of the courses here on GYE, and became a great WINNER!

Stay strong and keep on fighting!!

I can totally relate to the "why me?" question and I understand the frustration, but you certainly shouldn't see yourself as a loser and a failure. The fact that you're here and wanting to grow already makes you a winner.

Here are the two potential answers that I think about and I think they're both be true.

a) The lower the person is, the greater the Tikkun he can make. We are in a generation that needs to make a major Tikkun in the world so we were thrown in a world that is as materialistic and hedonistic as there ever was. It would follow then that the people who feel this tumah the most are those that have the biggest responsibility/opportunity to break this klipah. So piggybacking off of what Chancy said, the reason why this is so hard for you personally, is because so much is expected of you personally. I know it's hard to feel like the hero of the generation when you feel like you belong in a garbage can, but that's the avodah I guess, to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and work towards the goal of breaking free.

b) Who says it's just you? In fact there are many very chashuvim in this forum who struggle/struggled with this nisayon in a big way; people who if you saw on the street, you would think never saw a second of shmutz in their lives. Kal v'chomer the hamon am of klal yisrael are probably dealing with this nisayon in a big way. I can't say everyone but probably a lot more people than we may want to think. So then what separates you from them is that fact that you're here. There are probably many many more who are nichshal regularly and go on with their lives like nothing happened. All the goyim are doing it and claiming it's normal and healthy. This is the world we live in. I don't remember the statistics I once read but it said something like - the majority of all internet searches and bandwith around the world is used for shmutz and the minority is what's used for banking, news, social media etc.

It takes a real gibor to stand up and say "this isn't ok!". That's what makes GYE such a special community. It's full of people who have taken a stance and are working to rid themselves of this evil. Welcome aboard! This is where the heros are.

Harav Egg,

Check out this post, it will give you perspective on how important this struggle is. 

​guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/415810-Rabbi-Tzvi-Freeman

chancy wrote on 05 Jun 2024 15:04:

This is a great perspective. I think this may be what chazal mean when they say ״כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו״

To take this one step further, and this is also just speculation, maybe the idea is that these nisyonos often come from a sense (inner pain) that something is wrong with our lives or with the world generally and we are looking to escape to an imaginary reality. This “gadlus” inside of us can’t be satisfied with the realities we know, and our job is to find real meaning and growth rather than an imaginary escape.