Hi, if you're wondering what on earth the title means I will shortly explain.
I had unhealthy exposures to sexuality at a young age and I felt unsafe as a child. As I got older I found porn and masturbation as a way to feel sexually safe again. This became an escape for me anytime I'm unhappy or feel lonely. I'm sure there is a bit of the carnal Ta'vah too but I'd say 90% of my problem winds down to feeling comfortable and escaping to a "safe place" 
Does anyone have any ideas how to tackle this type of struggling or know anyone who might?

Iwanttogetbetter wrote on 01 May 2024 12:27:

It's actually very common. You're a good person and you're not looking to indulge in lust for the sake of Ta'va. 

There are some great tools that might help you. 

- Accountability:  it's very important to CONNECT with someone.  Several times, Hashem repeated, “It is good” in the creation story. Do you remember what broke his streak? When he saw man alone, he said, “It is not good.” Sure enough, man got in trouble when he isolated. You need to surround yourself with a few friends, a recovery group, and an accountability partner. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!

- Safe Landing:a grounding exercise that will help you tolerate emotional storms. 
app.guardyoureyes.com/toolbox/tools/safe-landing 

- stay-calm-strategies: app.guardyoureyes.com/toolbox/stay-calm-strategies

If you see that after trying these tools you're still struggling, then you might want to look into therapy to be able to deal in a healthy way with the underlying emotional discomfort.

Hey, shalom! 

Firstly, I just want to point out that there is a lot of power in the recognition itself. It takes a lot of guys time to honestly realise that there’s a pattern to their falls, and that they are using P&M to as a solution to deal with the discomfort in life, whether it’s anxiety or disconnection or various other kinds of pain.  I think that understanding your pattern is a large step towards making a change. 

I don’t have the training or insight to properly address how these patterns are affected by the abuse you sadly suffered. However, I think that many of us can relate to the basic idea you are describing. 

The really good news is that a lot of guys have used this “tool” or others far more than you describe and have yet managed to break free. (See Ish Migrodna story “Marriage from Gan Eden” for example). There is hope to be found here! 

Here are a few things to think about that may be helpful.
. 
Why do you really want to stop this pattern?

Do you have other things that make you feel safe and secure, comfortable?

How would you like to see your self being able to manage instead? 

Obviously, you can fire off easy answers in a moment. Thinking deeply on these might yield insight and clarity that can be helpful. 

Making a plan can help too. And speaking to some good folks. 

there’s more to discuss. Let’s continue the talk. 

Here’s a warm hand, friend, 
Chaim Oigen

Therapy can work wonders.