Hi all,
I know that filters aren't THE answer, but no filters are definitely part of the problem. I can have all the chizzuk in the world, but if I'm living in an unfiltered world (which I am right now), I'm doomed. So...I need filters.

Here's my struggle:
If I filter everything I'm pretty sure my genius mind will come up with super legitimate reasons to temporarily turn off the filters and then 2 problems will arise: First, I will have my excuse time, which has always been my downfall (anybody know what I'm talking about?) and second, I will delay turning it back on because of course it will be necessary to have it off for the time being.
Also, a radical change like that will alert my wife, and I am not ready to have this conversation with her. She thinks I am completely clean, and will freak out if she sniffs that I am struggling, which ultimately will create so much more stress and the cycle will intensify. (Not a great situation, but a discussion for another thread)
So, I'm looking for some good speed bumps. Filter for my android phone that can filter out real P sites, and also some other sites that I can blacklist. And the same for my Windows PC. Any suggestions?

Oh, and one other dilemma (Sorry for the long post):
When I had a previous filter, I got it through TAG and when the device needed to legitimately be opened, they gave me such a hard time and made it so difficult for me, that I did not restart it. (There was judgement and delays and I generally felt like a Rasha there). So for me to have  adevice that requires tech support to deal with is challenging.
At the same time, if I am in control of the settings, well, we all know how that will go...any middle ground?

I'm open to any and all suggestions and I greatly appreciate any help!! 

rebhirsch wrote on 22 Feb 2024 14:31:

The answer to dilemma # 2 is to maybe get the filter not directly through TAG and have a friend here be your security system. I've had a lot of issues with TAG as well until I removed myself from their control. Now I have regular Techloq, and only my wife has the password.

( I dont want to appear like a know-it-all so ill leave the answer to your first question to someone else)

Thank you! I'm new here and don't have real friends here yet, so that might take some time. 
And, feel free to answer anything, know-it-all or not! We're looking for help and solutions, so I kinda need someone who knows it all!

rebhirsch wrote on 22 Feb 2024 14:31:

Hi Rebhirsch,

Know-it-all #2 Addressing the parenthesis in order received: 
-No... 
-Would love to hear more about that!
-No need to apologize
​-Totally get that, yup. 

Ever tried Gentech? Flexible and no porn allowed but you won't lose your mind at the restrictiveness. 

Tag could have Techloq block certain things and allow others. Are you sure that they couldn't work things out that way and that you really needed to completely remove the filter? Even if you have a legitimate reason to completely remove the filter temporarily it would be advisable to keep your computer filtered and to temporarily use someone else's unfiltered computer while they are watching you. That way you won't end up watching porn. 

Hey! Welcome.

I personally have Techloq and its great. When requesting that something be opened ill typically get a response within seconds. There are certain categories that I find they will never approve – because that’s their job.

Regarding convo with wife, you might want to bring the topic up gradually, when asked what happened now, you can say that you got inspired by the awareness being made in our community and if your kids have access to those devices, you can also say that you don’t want your kids touching unfiltered devices. I get it that it can sounds suspicious but with the write wording I think you should be able to figure it out.

Hatzlocha!

Kudos to you for reaching out,

Thanks!
I will get to posting about my struggles hopefully. I'm just moving slowly into this world.
I've never tried Gentech. Do you have to go there, or can it be handled remotely?

rebhirsch wrote on 22 Feb 2024 20:30:

Everything is done remotely. Their service is courteous and professional, no intrusive questions asked. 

Porn is never allowed. Other (sometimes risky) categories are left to the individual preferences of the user. Adjustments to the settings are only a quick email or phone call. 

Will it stop the determined, hungry, lust-infected fellow who is hunting for his next fix? No. 

Will it block porn and blacklist anything else you need blocked? Yes. 

youknowwho wrote on 22 Feb 2024 21:48:

Which is why control is better in someone else hand. No filter is fool proof . Period , Full stop.

Along with the filter you may want to consider screen accountability reporting - such as WebChaver, or Truple

If you are serious about changing, a filter is mandatory. Full stop. 

My only filter experience is with Techloq (not counting the free and useless filters out there). Techloq is super simple to set up yourself on a computer and the techs are helpful and non-judgy. It's customizable enough that I've never needed to turn the whole thing off (and that's not possible without actually contacting them so a nice roadblock). 
I think it's pretty easy to install a filter without flashing any red flags at your wife. As someone else mentioned, just say something about how you heard a shuir or read a dvar torah or whatever about unfiltered internet being an actual issur to have in the house. 99% sure it's just the yetzer telling you that'll set off flags. No need to make a big deal about it.

Please, just do it.

I find gentech to be a good filter. No mess, easy install. good customer service. 
As re telling the wife. I think I agree with the guys above who say it can be done in a way which does not set off alarms. If your wife truly thinks you are clean, she won't even want to let her mind go there if she has the option of thinking you are a tzadik and want extra shmira because you heard an inspirational smuess or something like that. You can also point out filters enable skintone blocking. That's good for everything not just porn. You aren't a rasha if you are on amazon and they pop you with ads with extremely not tzniyus and you tell your wife it is bothering you. The opposite, she is probably really happy to hear that you don't want to be around that and ther is no admission of porn or guilt that needs to come along with it. Kudos for taking the step into reality and keep us posted here. I hope I am not overstepping myself.